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Thread: Is she overreacting?

  1. #1
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    Is she overreacting?

    I have been talking to a girl pretty regularly over the past couple of weeks. Great conversation, had 2 great dates. On date 3, I cooked her dinner and we cuddled on the couch watching movies (talked mainly) and when she got home she said something felt off. I hadn't felt the same at all, but I guess it planted the thought in my head. Work has really ramped up since we started talking (6 days/we 70 hour weeks, not getting home until 7, and back up at 6, etc.) We had plans to hang out on a Saturday night, which I worked again. Things at work were a struggle fest that day. I was exhausted both mentally and physically and took a step back from texting her that day so I could relax in a sense. The times I did text her she was being extremely short with me so I asked her if something was wrong. She replied that she was going to ask the same to me because I had been silent all day. Really I just needed a day to myself and to try and get done with work so I could see her. She was extremely disappointed I hadn't communicated that to her, but I guess I did not feel the need to given our time frame. She text me about 6 again telling me things had felt off. I left that hanging until about 8 when I got home (I hadn't eaten anything all day mind you and she knew this) so I showered, ate, and responded. She called and I told her I literally needed a day/night to myself and that was the reason for my silence during the day and that I didn't think I had the energy to see her. That did not go over well because she had friends wanting to do stuff. She has since decided to stop seeing each other. Am I wrong to think she overreacted a little bit, especially given how much I am working. Or just curious if I really screwed up. Thought she was good for me. Thanks in advance for the advice.
    Last edited by Sooner0914; 04-15-2019 at 07:24 AM.

  2. #2
    Bronze Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You've had only three dates. There shouldn't be an expectation that you're going to be in constant contact, especially since she knows how busy you've been at work.

    Did you cancel plans that you had made with her? If so, I can understand that she might be upset, but not to the point of breaking off contact.

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    She over reacted , yes.

    You also overreacted.

    You didnít eat all day. Thatís fine. Many people work long hours and skip lunch.
    If you are not able to do that without it having impact on your social life then donít try mix the two?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Focus on honest quality communication rather than fading. If work is crazy say so, but come on, everyone know you can shoot off a text in a nanosecond. You don't need protracted text convos. In fact avoid that. But you do have to have time available to date and organize yourself better. When texting/talking mention the next date etc. Focus on keeping the momentum going, not attempting to build rapport through texting. Also make sure you have a date lined up instead of keeping things hanging. She doesn't know you so the " so busy, crazy busy, work busy, etc." excuse is often read as fading/ghosting/lack of interest.

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    Sarah, I did cancel plans although it was pretty late (8pm). Could have given her more notice I suppose, but didnt just disappear on her.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    She sounds very needy. It's been only a few dates, she shouldn't need texts like that. By the sounds of it, I think it would have gotten worse and she would have become more demanding and upset if you didn't behave how she expected you to.

    On the other hand, you are working far too much right now to give proper time and energy to a relationship at the moment.
    You might want to hold off till things slow down.

    You two are not compatible.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sooner0914
    I have been talking to a girl pretty regularly over the past couple of weeks. Great conversation, had 2 great dates. On date 3, I cooked her dinner and we cuddled on the couch watching movies (talked mainly) and when she got home she said something felt off. I hadn't felt the same at all, but I guess it planted the thought in my head. Work has really ramped up since we started talking (6 days/we 70 hour weeks, not getting home until 7, and back up at 6, etc.) We had plans to hang out on a Saturday night, which I worked again. Things at work were a struggle fest that day. I was exhausted both mentally and physically and took a step back from texting her that day so I could relax in a sense. The times I did text her she was being extremely short with me so I asked her if something was wrong. She replied that she was going to ask the same to me because I had been silent all day. Really I just needed a day to myself and to try and get done with work so I could see her. She was extremely disappointed I hadn't communicated that to her, but I guess I did not feel the need to given our time frame. She text me about 6 again telling me things had felt off. I left that hanging until about 8 when I got home (I hadn't eaten anything all day mind you and she knew this) so I showered, ate, and responded. She called and I told her I literally needed a day/night to myself and that was the reason for my silence during the day and that I didn't think I had the energy to see her. That did not go over well because she had friends wanting to do stuff. She has since decided to stop seeing each other. Am I wrong to think she overreacted a little bit, especially given how much I am working. Or just curious if I really screwed up. Thought she was good for me. Thanks in advance for the advice.
    Honestly? After a 12 hour shift, I would have cancelled too. Perhaps I'd go if it were a woman I was totally into and with whom I was confident a date would be a nice getaway with rather than a vessel for needless drama, but definitely not in your case. I don't care if I've got a nanosecond or three. I don't text or otherwise unprofessionally multitask on the clock unless it's something I'm paid to do. If a woman doesn't have common sense enough to assume as much, that's on her. To add, her vocally "feeling off" twice in three dates is a good enough sign spending my evening vegging out after work would be a better investment of my time. Yes, you cancelled last minute, but I know that if I were to complain twice to a woman about something "feeling off" and then harangue her on her communication with me while she's at work, I wouldn't expect an amazing date night to still be on, particularly if this had all been within three whole dates.

    If this had been someone you'd gotten off stunningly with, then yeah, I'd suggest checking your work-life balance. As it stands, I think you both made the correct choices respectively. Clearly you weren't fit for each other.
    Last edited by j.man; 04-15-2019 at 09:54 AM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sooner0914
    Sarah, I did cancel plans although it was pretty late (8pm). Could have given her more notice I suppose, but didnt just disappear on her.
    If I was in her place I wouldn't be expecting constant contact after 3 dates and being so demanding as her but I'd interpret cancelling a date last minute plus reduced contact (if not told directly you were busy) as lack of interest/ wrong timing for you to be dating, so I'd back off, but not demanding anything.

    If I were in your place I'd have communicated directly with her that I was very busy and cancel the date in good time and set up another definite day and place to have the date (if I were interested). However, she's been saying "something is off" since the beginning and before this, so maybe she's just not that into you and wanted a reason to stop going to dates with you.

    Also, if you're going through extremely busy times at work then it might be better to stay off dating during those times because you can't give the energy and time dating needs.

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    That's the thing though. She asked if it was a busy day because I hadn't responded to one of her texts that really did not warrant an immediate reply. I said yes and that I was having a lot of issues. Her response was "ohh" I asked her a couple hours later what she had been up to and again just short replies so I knew something was on her mind. I've pretty well kept her in the loop until that point daily and made plenty (prolly more than I should have at work) to talk to her. I had one off day is all, but she wouldn't understand that

  11. #10
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    Too much drama for a non-relationship. She's doing you a favour.

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