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Thread: Just started taking, need help on how to CHILL out?

  1. #1
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    Just started taking, need help on how to CHILL out?

    So Iíve always had issues with jumping WAY too fast into things. Iíve recently for the past year been trying to be okay with living alone and being single (Iím usually in relationships).
    The guys that I usually attract are not ďqualityĒ people, so when I meet someone good my mind gets a little too far ahead of me.

    I recently met a guy on fb, he is in the army and lives quite a ways away with a different time zone but heís from my area originally. We talk everyday and flirt here and there and will FaceTime now and again. Itís honestly only been about 3 weeks but Iím getting a little bit too crazy when it comes to waiting for him to reply and reading too deep and analyzing everything heís saying. Heíll say things that reassure me that like he likes me by the things he says like ďwhen we meetĒ or ďwhen I meet you we need to ___Ē things like that.
    Iím just making myself crazy because I am very alone and trying to adjust to living as a single person in a healthy way but after months of going on awful dates and talking to guys that I have no interest in and having been recently freed from an abisive relationship Iím almost scared Iím going to ďmess upĒ this good thing like it usually happens to me.
    I need to chill but donít know how to mentally not go crazy!

  2. #2
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    I think it would be a lot more helpful if you dated/pursued dating with men who were local and who you could meet ASAP in person if you didn't first meet them in person. You have no idea if this man is a man, is married, if he's actually in the army, etc. You're not alone just because you're single. How do you go about meeting people in real life -friends or dates?

  3. #3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lpritchette
    I recently met a guy on fb, he is in the army and lives quite a ways away with a different time zone . Itís honestly only been about 3 weeks but Iím getting a little bit too crazy when it comes to waiting for him to reply and reading too deep and analyzing everything heís saying.
    I don't think this is going to work for you. It's long distance. It's only been 3 weeks and already you over analyse everything he says and "get a little too crazy" when he doesn't reply in time etc. This is going to be a nightmare for you and you're right, you need to chill.

    Have you ever considered therapy as to get to the root of your issues with "jumping into things way too fast", to help you figure out where all this is coming from? I think you'll benefit from it and at the same time "learn how to chill and not go mentally crazy".

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Yes, how do you know this person is a man, in the army, and available? When you cant actually meet and talk and get to know someone, it's impossible to know if they are telling you the truth. He could be a she, could be married or living with someone, could be in jail, you dont know. You'd be further ahead to get some therapy to find out why you react as you do and how to calm down. Dating someone in your area is a good idea too.

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  6. #5
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    Why are you communicating with someone who lives so far? Waste of time.

    Do you have friends and a social life? Why aren't you busy with activities?

    You will not attract healthy until you make your life more full. You must stop being so dependent on men!

    Get some therapy

  7. #6
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    To start with , realise that you do not know this guy and you have no idea if YOU will even like him on a face to face meet.
    Why go cuckoo over someone you donít even know if you will like.

    He is in the army and has nothing to do with his free time except to flirt online , with I imagine not with just one person.
    Thatís assuming heís smart enough to not put all his eggs in one basket.
    I suggest you do the same. Why limit your options ?
    And by limiting your options , you end up putting way too much pressure on that one option which will inadvertently only serve to lose that one option.

    This guy owes you nothing.
    Likewise you owe him nothing.

    Chat away all you want but keep it light and stop looking for signs that he likes you.
    So far he does , but so far he most likely likes others too.

    Donít cling on to what can only be empty promises at this point (to meet)
    He has only intention to meet once he sets a date and time to meet.
    At this point you donít have that.

  8. #7
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    Thereís a lot of Military dating scams so please be careful op!

  9. #8
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    A few points:

    - There are a lot of military dating scams.

    - You have not even met him yet - chemistry can only be validated in person. Most people who meet don't work out.

    - This would be a long distance relationship. Most don't work out.

    Your whole pen-pal relationship has red flags galore, sorry.

  10. #9
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    We have mutual friends and we FaceTime and talk on the phone so I do know that he is a person for sure and Iím confident he is where he says he is since heíll snap pictures for me of what heís doing here and there.

    Itís not that I donít have a social life and friends because I do but going to work and then coming home to an empty house is a little hard for me to adjust to and not all my friends are available all the time.

    I did go to therapy for my abusive relationship but I stopped after I got away from him.
    I recently finished most of my schooling so Iím not used to all this free time.

    This guy just seems really great and respectful and everything Iíve been looking for.
    He has said he wants to see if he can come visit next month to see me and attend my graduation if he can.

    I think Iím just getting way too concerned with it ďnot working outĒ or ďheíll lose interestĒ somehow that Iím making myself crazy overthinking about it. I donít come off this way to him at all as to not ďscareĒ him away.

    I get the feeling he does want a relationship with someone eventually since we have swapped stories of dates weíve been on or people weíve spoken to. He has said thereís been a few girls heíll talk to for a few months but that it didnít work out which of course made me freak out internally even more..

    How do I stop this cycle of freaking out and overthinking when I find a potential relationship that I want to pursue?

  11. #10
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    Do you know the mutual friends in real life?

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