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Thread: Girlfriends mental health problems are bringing me down

  1. #1
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    Girlfriends mental health problems are bringing me down

    I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years. She was very open with me from the beginning about her problems. I honestly admired her for her strength and thought that with the support in her relationship everything would be ok...
    I love her, theres no one else I want to be with but it's been a rollercoaster of emotions over the past 3 years. At times it's been really really hard. Last year i bought a house a now shes all moved in. We have not been getting on very well over the past couple of months. She has more personal stuff going on and we have been clashing at home. I dont know how much more I can take. I feel like I'm walking under a dark cloud. I feel as though I've gone above and beyond in many cases to try and get her on a better track. I'm now coming to the realization that there is nothing I can do. The change has to come from her. I just dont know if she'll ever be better. She 31 and I'm 33. We both want a family one day. Shes pushing me for either a baby or a pet, I've told her that we are currently not on a stable place for either. I'm scared of walking away. I dont want to hurt her. I.do.still want to be with her. My own mood is low. I'm.having constant headaches and loss of appetite. Shes in counselling for the 5th or 6th time. Shes trying and is very aware that nothing seems to be working. I dont know what to do..

  2. #2
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    If you don't mind me asking, what mental health issues is she dealing with?
    I think it's wise of you to know right now is not the time to be making major commitments like getting a pet together or having a child.
    As far as the living situation goes, am I correct that it is your house in your name? Is she living as a renter in your home, or what is the arrangement there?
    Does she work and have her own income?

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    You can only help her, not fix her. What is she doing to get better? Therapy etc?

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Saultyotter
    I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years. She was very open with me from the beginning about her problems. I honestly admired her for her strength and thought that with the support in her relationship everything would be ok...
    I love her, theres no one else I want to be with but it's been a rollercoaster of emotions over the past 3 years. At times it's been really really hard. Last year i bought a house a now shes all moved in. We have not been getting on very well over the past couple of months. She has more personal stuff going on and we have been clashing at home. I dont know how much more I can take. I feel like I'm walking under a dark cloud. I feel as though I've gone above and beyond in many cases to try and get her on a better track. I'm now coming to the realization that there is nothing I can do. The change has to come from her. I just dont know if she'll ever be better. She 31 and I'm 33. We both want a family one day. Shes pushing me for either a baby or a pet, I've told her that we are currently not on a stable place for either. I'm scared of walking away. I dont want to hurt her. I.do.still want to be with her. My own mood is low. I'm.having constant headaches and loss of appetite. Shes in counselling for the 5th or 6th time. Shes trying and is very aware that nothing seems to be working. I dont know what to do..
    I think you need to get your own therapy and start looking after yourself. You have lost yourself in her and her problems... Let her deal with her issues with the help of her own professional. Evidently, You have deep codependency issues, a need to caretake and what appears to be White Knight Syndrome... Now not only is your own mental and emotional health in jeopardy, your physical health is even being affected because you are trying to control/fix and failing at it.

    Make YOU your focus now and when you have things under control with the help of your therapy sessions, you will look at this with a whole new set of eyes.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    What ThatWasThen said.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It's time for you to address your mental well being first and foremost. You need to cut her loose for your own peace of mind.

    My story is not the exact same as yours but I had parallels to what you are currently experiencing. You need to avoid those with problems galore because they'll become your ball 'n chain if you decide to hang on for better or for worse. Other people's problems become your problems, angst and unnecessary stress. They become a real drag.

    It won't be easy at first to let go but you'll thank yourself after you get it over and done with. Suddenly, you'll have freedom, become mentally healthy and stable.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    I think you need to get your own therapy and start looking after yourself. You have lost yourself in her and her problems... Let her deal with her issues with the help of her own professional. Evidently, You have deep codependency issues, a need to caretake and what appears to be White Knight Syndrome... Now not only is your own mental and emotional health in jeopardy, your physical health is even being affected because you are trying to control/fix and failing at it.

    Make YOU your focus now and when you have things under control with the help of your therapy sessions, you will look at this with a whole new set of eyes.
    Terrific advice!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Responded in your other thread on this topic: [Register to see the link]

  10. #9
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    Anxiety,depression,post tramauyoc stress, low confidence, low.mood.
    I own the house. She is currently not paying any rent as she is unable to do so. Shes setting up her own business and I'm trying to support us both in the mean time. It means I have to work more which lives her at home alone which is also making her u happy. I'm also at university 1 day oer week studying for my masters. I feel like I'm trying my best to keep everything afloat. Its hard to have enough money to support two people, have money for myself and to make time for myself as well!

  11. #10
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    You can see this is not going to change, it has just gotten worse.

    You are only three years in, and she is not fit to be a partner or a mother.

    Yo need to address your problem with co dependency. You should not have to parent a partner. Have all of your relationships been like this? is this what you look for?

    End this and find someone healthy.

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