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Thread: Girlfriends mental health problems are bringing me down

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Saultyotter
    I know you're right. I havent learned this behaviour anywhere I've just tried to be a loving and supporting partner. I've really tried. Sure, I've made a few mistakes along the way but I guess its hats to walk away from someone who is really struggling and who doesnt have a massive super network. I worry what would happen if I wanst there. I know that deep down this isnt my problem as I have my own life to lead. Guess I just have to put my big boy pants on and stand up for myself. Thanks
    Could it be that you are this way because you don't think you are worthy of a good relationship? that you attach yourself to a bad one because if you caretake someone, they will not leave? Honestly, you could also be preventing her from having more of a support network because you are trying to be everything to her -- her boyfriend, financier, parent, etc. If you weren't doing all these things in hopes that she would change, she might be forced to rely on her actual parents who may/may not give her tough love, be motivated to get a realistic job instead of this fantasy of working for herself - or getting the help she actually needs. There are people that hit rock bottom and really need an inpatient program, but if someone enables them they won't get help. Also, she could have pushed away others because of her behavior.

    And please do not have sex with this woman anymore. you do not need to father a child with her.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Could it be that you are this way because you don't think you are worthy of a good relationship? that you attach yourself to a bad one because if you caretake someone, they will not leave? Honestly, you could also be preventing her from having more of a support network because you are trying to be everything to her -- her boyfriend, financier, parent, etc. If you weren't doing all these things in hopes that she would change, she might be forced to rely on her actual parents who may/may not give her tough love, be motivated to get a realistic job instead of this fantasy of working for herself - or getting the help she actually needs. There are people that hit rock bottom and really need an inpatient program, but if someone enables them they won't get help. Also, she could have pushed away others because of her behavior.

    And please do not have sex with this woman anymore. you do not need to father a child with her.
    Yes you made some valid points. Thankyou. I'm going to go and speak to a professional to help me deal with my own issues. I think this will be best done alone without being in the relationship so we can both recover and grow. Thankyou for you help.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    You should really consider your own therapy to help you to understand that it doesn't "come from a good place." Read up on codependency and get yourself your own therapist who is an expert in the field of codependency.
    I've done some research about this since you post so thankyou. I am going to speak to a professional so I can deal with my own internal issues and hopefully heal and grow. Thankyou

  4. #24
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Saultyotter
    I've done some research about this since you post so thankyou. I am going to speak to a professional so I can deal with my own internal issues and hopefully heal and grow. Thankyou
    Good luck, Saulty. Hope you get it all figured out soon enough.

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