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Thread: everything's great, but...

  1. #11
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Great job with the dates, and great detailed post explaining it! Yes, it's true, that your first kiss should happen in the first few dates, and you went for it, you did it, good man!

    You are right for questioning the kiss. The better the kiss, the bigger the crush - and you want to date a woman who likes you a lot right out of the box - it means chances at love are high, and the chance for rejection is low.

    Unfortunately, the kiss was lame. But there is another indicator here - after the kiss, she started touching you! She is warming up to you fast! This is great news!

    Yes, go out with her again. If you do everything just right (no pressure, lol) there will be more kissing and touching! Keep me posted and let me know how the next date goes.

    If you want to know what your chances are with a woman, put a grade on the first kiss and count how many times she touches you.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    you dont plan to approach this in a healthy way so keep going.
    Sorry but I might have misunderstood what you said (language barrier, sadly)
    Is this a judgement on my behaviour and a warning to stop dating her?

    My plan's to avoid any kind of emotional baggage and any reference to our last date.
    And see where it goes

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AleSommacal
    Sorry but I might have misunderstood what you said (language barrier, sadly)
    Is this a judgement on my behaviour and a warning to stop dating her?

    My plan's to avoid any kind of emotional baggage and any reference to our last date.
    And see where it goes
    Not a judgment but rather an acknowledgment.

    You claim youíre planning to avoid emotional baggage but it seems to be attracting you in fact based on your previous post I think itís safe to say it seems to almost be a requirement in your dating needs.

    All Iím saying is if you donít plan to change, which letís be honest, you donít, embrace it, no point stressing over something that you have no intention of rectifying

    Youíre choosing this, itís ok! This is where you are in your journey. You are in control, decision good and bad are a choice and if you want to take the risk of dating Ďtell You all my baggage on date one girlí you have that right! But donít pretend youíre making a healthy choice.

    You asked our opinion and pretty much every single person said nope bad sign you then instead of accepting that warped the story ď welllllll itís ok because... ď then why ask? Why play the role? No one is stopping you from jumping on the crazy train. Who knows it may all work out thatís the risk youíre taking.

    If Im on a diet and I polished off a plate of cookies for breakfast I can tell everyone my journey is to get healthy, but if I keep eating cookies for breakfast Iím lying, that is what it is, taking an extra step and writing on a forum my dieting goals as Iím actively working against it. Well thatís just odd to me. I canít tell if itís a cry for help or trying to convince myself Iím doing good when I know Iím not.

    Iím not warning you to stop dating her Iím saying embrace where you are in your journey, youíre making a conscious choice to ignore red flags. You have every right to do that. But you don't get to pretend thatís not what youíre doing. Well Iím lying you can but it wonít be sincere.

  4. #14
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    FWIW, I had this exact same thing happen. After three dates, the very awkward kiss happened, and she apologized much the same with. "the last man I met was a jerk, so I am a bit cautious and a bit shy".
    That...along with some other red flags I was out.

    Fast forward to a month later with another woman.
    I had a very lukewarm kiss on the third date. (like kissing Aunt Betty)

    I liked so much about her at the time, I figured she was just playing it slow and being shy. I thought I would give her time to warm up.
    I married her and now almost 5 years later, I wish I didn't ignore my gut. I am in an unhappy marriage.

    The passion NEVER came and I question if she was even into me?

    (See my started posts to hear all about my situation.)

    My advice....have you ever had an amazing kiss that makes you want to kiss for 10 minutes? One of the best feelings in the world.
    The second, third and 10th kiss should mutually give you tingles and charge up your sex drive. If they don't, do yourself and her a favor and move on!

    Also, don't ignore your gut feelings on the matter. The gut is 90% right.

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