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Thread: Iím in love with a married man

  1. #1

    Iím in love with a married man

    I was in a relationship with someone. We werenít our happiest and I started a new job in the city which put more of a strain on our relationship. I started talking to someone at work about it and the guy from work totally understood. He explained that he is married but him and his wife have a very different relationship. They are just friends who made a bad decision and they have a child. He is only with her for the child and if he wasnít scared about his wife telling his child vhe il lies about him, he would leave her in a heartbeat. He doesnít want his child to think he doesnít care. Me and this guy started spending lots of time together as we both needed someone to talk to. I ended my relationship as it was getting worse but as soon as I did felt like I had made the wrong decision. The guy from work was treating me like a princess taking me for fancy dinners in nice restaurants, showering me with gifts, taking me everywhere and told me he wants to show me the world. He told me he has feelings for me and he wishes his situation was different. He told me I make him happy and we both enjoy each otherís company. I donít think there isnít a moment where we are not smiling or laughing. I told him I wanted to call things off because I couldnít stop thinking that when we arenít together he goes back to his own family and his own life. I donít begrudge him for that because I understand it is for his child but at the same time I have feelings. I donít want it to stop because I enjoy being with him and I also now have feelings for him. But he will always go home to his wife and his child. He always says his home life isnít what it should be and that he and his wife are only together for the child. I canít ask him to leave because he has already said he canít, but I canít fall for him even more and then have to call it off in 6 months time. What do I do

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. Jumping from one bad relationship to another may seem like a quick fix for now, but you seem to realize this will not end well for you. Take a break and reflect on all this. Perhaps start some short term therapy to sort out what you want out of life. Is it an affair? If not, come to terms with things.

  3. #3
    Thank you. I totally realise that this will not be a lasting thing and I donít want to degrade myself but waiting around hoping he may leave her. Iím suffering from depression at the moment which doesnít help. I have spoken to one person but I donít feel I can talk to many friends or family because they all knew my ex boyfriend well. I feel confused with where I am in life and donít really know what I want. But one of my things has always been to see the world and enjoy life. I just donít know if doing it with someone I have feelings for and has feelings for me is best because we are only going to hurt each other in the long run. I would call it an affair on his part. And he says if I wasnít around he doesnít know what he would do because I make him happy. I just canít get the thoughts out of my head. But I still want to explore the world with him and donít think I could see myself doing it with anyone else

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    See a doctor and get a check up. Make an appt with a therapist for ongoing supportive talk therapy. Friends and family or not supposed to be therapists anyway and the temporary rush and thrill of an affair is not an anti-depressant. You are treating multiple problems and issues with a quick thrill.

    You will crash and burn harder. He will walk away with his family and marriage intact. You will further your loneliness and desperation and depression unless you are willing to help yourself. You are indeed pondering if he would leave her since he is already stringing you along with the "for the kids" line.
    Originally Posted by DanceQueen34
    Iím suffering from depression at the moment which doesnít help. I have spoken to one person but I donít feel I can talk to many friends or family because they all knew my ex boyfriend well.

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  6. #5
    That is exactly true. Iím trying to suppress problems with a thrill. But that thrill wonít last forever and inevitably in the future will become worse and harder to deal with. I believe him when he says he is staying there because heís frightened of what she may say to the child and I totally understand that as a parent you do everything to protect your child. I feel like I should ask him if he sees me as a current thing or if he sees future stuff like house and kids because if he doesnít then it definitely needs to stop. I donít think heís stringing me along but it is messing with my head because he has his own life

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He already told you there is no future, why bother asking? To be strung along further? Get to a doctor and a therapist. Talk to someone who can help you with real issues. "Fancy princess dinners" won't be so pretty when he spends all his quality time with his family and you are crying by the phone home alone on holidays weekends etc. Get your own bf.

  8. #7
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    Yes, exactly, he IS having an affair, he IS married. In all honesty I think you are being played for a fool. I'm on this forum constantly and there are lots of posts here like yours. Where someone is cheating but they come up with all these excuses: "Oh, but I'm not happy with my spouse/I feel trapped/I'm only there for the children." That is a load of BS because most people that don't want to be married would eventually do something about it. If he's completely not into his wife then do you honestly think he envisions himself being with her the rest of his life? I think he does want to be married to her but he also found a shiny new thing (you) who he can play for an idiot because you believe everything he tells you.

    He has never said that he will leave hee, right? He just wants to keep seeing you on the side but to stay with her "for the child". He has a very good arrangement going with you so why should he leave his wife? You say you're trying to be understanding because he's doing it for his kid supposedly. There is no need for you to be "understanding". This man is cheating and not only are you participating in the cheating but you're also validating his BS reason for cheating!

    I mean, if you only want to be a side piece then you can continue but you will not end up being with this guy, the wife will.

  9. #8
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    You believed his story. UGH. I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. That is what all married men say. They are not happy, but are staying for the kid. I'm sure the wife thinks differently.

    What you are doing is very wrong. I feel for the wife and kid.

    Be a better than this. Not a cheat who sneaks around with a married man. How would you like someone to do this to you? Very selfish and foolish!

    You don't tell your friends and family because they will not approve, not the other bull sh*t reason you gave.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 04-14-2019 at 09:40 AM.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Totally agree with hollyj. He's playing you. Get yourself some therapy and learn to get past this.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You do realize that he is totally lying to you, right?

    He loves his wife, he married her because he wanted to. It had nothing to do with his child. Yes,he might feel some kind of obligation to stay for the child sake but I bet you any money if you went and talked to the wife, she wouldn't have a clue that anything was wrong as no doubt he goes home to her, kisses her, makes love to her. and tells her the same things he's telling you.

    Please don't be so naive.

    He wanted a side piece, someone to amuse him while he got to keep his wife too.
    He will never leave her, this is a very old story and one men have been doing for hundreds of years.

    You will end up wasting a lot of your time thinking he will eventually leave and he will continue to give you excuses as to why he can't.
    He will never be yours.

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