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Thread: Moving too fast?

  1. #1
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    Moving too fast?

    Hello, my boyfriend of 5 months has been talking about living together. Is it too early to do that? How long should I wait?
    Last edited by SusieNovy; 04-14-2019 at 04:52 AM. Reason: Change of advice

  2. #2
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    A year in is too soon.
    Is he bipolar ? Iím confused because the topic I clicked on suggested so?

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    Ok, yes. Why do you think he is suggesting this soon?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ask him what the rush is. What is your rush? Why are you considering this? It's usually a red flag to push for this after only 20 weeks of dating. Whose place are you moving into?

    How are his finances? Where does he/do you live now? Moving in together is usually for convenient sex, splitting domestic costs and chores. It is not a commitment or a prelude to any commitment. If you want convenient sex, want to split household work, costs, etc then living together as roommates-with-benefits may work for you. Keep in mind at 5 mos the rosy glow may come to an abrupt halt as the realities of who pays for what and dirty dishes sets in.
    Originally Posted by SusieNovy
    Ok, yes. Why do you think he is suggesting this soon?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Deciduous's Avatar
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    Hi Susie,

    I think the question here is..what do you think?

    I'm sensing the reason you've posted this thread is because YOU ARE having reservations that you can't pin-point, but something is definitely unsettling you. Can you tell us what that is? Your "gut" doesn't seem to be on board with the idea of moving in just yet...which is a good enough reason to wait...

    ..but it will substantially help you, your partner and your relationship if you are able to consciously voice some of the feelings/thoughts/concerns that you are probably having subconsciously at the moment...if only to yourself or on this thread.

    This will help you to more clearly decide. The trick is to brutally honest with yourself. It's fine to have doubts. It doesn't necessarily mean the move won't work, but when making such a substantial life-altering decision...it's best to check that your conscious thoughts and unconscious thoughts are on the same page.

    Decixxx

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    Wait until you are sure you wish to commit to a long relationship with him.

    I am not saying 5 months is too short, but have a look at Wiseman and Deci's posts.

    I also do not think you should be in any way upset that he wants you to move in.

    There are about a thousand threads here where women complain that men lack commitment.

    I son't mean to sound cynical, but for us guys, finding the "correct" moment to ask your lady to move in is as difficult as walking the razor's edge.

    Give the guy a break.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Deciduous's Avatar
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    Hi RayRay,

    Completely understand what your saying. It does take a lot of courage for the guy to put his heart on the line and suggest more commitment.

    However...and hear me clearly.....Bipolar is a major mental illness. It is not something that your partner copes with on their own as a side hobby. It is something that the couple will jointly need to deal with. Over and over again. Believe me. It has a major impact on a relationship. I cannot stress how major this factor is.

    Before any moving can be considered, SusieNovy must ensure she has a thorough understanding of the condition, and

    a) of how her partner is currently managing the condition
    b) how he has coped in the past.
    c) What are his highs like. Is he going to spend the rent money during the euphoric period. (Or like my Grandmother disrobe at christening)
    d) What are the lows? My grandmother drank bleach during one of lows in manic depression.

    [Register to see the link]

    Bipolar disorder is a serious condition. Mania often involves sleeplessness, sometimes for days, along with hallucinations, psychosis, grandiose delusions, or paranoid rage. In addition, depressive episodes can be more devastating and harder to treat than in people who never have manias or hypomanias.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Deciduous's Avatar
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    Whoo-wait! Now I'm confused. Does he have bi-polar or have I misread the 2nd and 3rd post Might be my mistake. If so I apologise...

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    Hi Deci, now you have me wondering - where did bi-polar come from? - Did Billie 28 respond before the OP edited the op?

  11. #10
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    Wait at least a year.

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