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Thread: Attracted to another man....

  1. #11
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    Jun 2018
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    If you have a fabulous husband leave the other guy alone. I think that's pretty simple.

    You're in the early stages of cheating. You can still turn the situation around and save your marriage before you completely destroy it.

    You cant help who you're attracted to. Thats just life. But you CAN keep yourself accountable for your actions and not disrespect your marriage.

    Are you unhappy? If that's the case, maybe there are bigger issues here.

    Also imagine this: Imagine if the tables were turned and your husband was in the early stages of entertaining another woman, KNOWING its wrong...what would you want him to do?

    Honestly If you're lucky enough to find a good man and your happy, I don't see why you'd jeopardize all of that for some stupid affair. That's honestly stupid... why mess over a good man?

  2. #12
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    May 2018
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    You arenít a bad person but youíre in a very dangerous situation. Have you considered telling your husband? When I was going through a really rough time in my marriage I spoke with my pastor and I saw Christian counselor. Both offered good, sound advice and both believe in the sanctity of marriage like I do. Do you have anyone like that in your life that you can talk to? Your family is so worth it! Iím glad you reached out! Big hug!

  3. #13

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    Apr 2019
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    Married, but getting texts from another man...

    Let me start by saying that I hate myself for feeling this way, or even needing to ask about this... I've never been in this situation before.

    I've been very happily married for two years, together for seven years. My husband is a wonderful man, not without his faults, but has made my life brilliant with his love, support and kindness.

    I've recently dramatically changed careers, and needed to do some intensive training as part of the new job, get some new qualifications, which the company pay for. As a group, you get an instructor, and s/he takes you through the training. So far so good.

    My instructor had my mobile number, as he needed to contact us all about start times etc. but as we (as a group) got on so well, we would often exchange stupid photos or jokes within the group message. Still all fine.

    One day towards the end of my training, my instructor and I witnessed someone try to commit suicide, by jumping off a bridge. We were both gutted, and I just sat with my arm around him for some time, not speaking. The experience bonded us, in my mind.

    We started texting privately, as no one else really knew what it felt like. Now, several weeks later, we are still texting daily. On the few occasions I've seen him since I fully qualified, he's made an innocent comment about how "smart" I look in my work clothes, and given me silly, insignificant gifts with the work branding on (I love branded nonsense!) He also very gently engineered an occasion to work together; I think knowing that I would offer to help on a non-work day.

    None of the texts are anything other than friendly in nature, and he has a partner and a child. When we work together, it is completely professional. If I'm having a bad day learning my new job, he will listen to me be worried or complaining, and offer advice. And yes, because of this, I developed a crush on him, and there was a point where I thought about him a lot. On one evening, after a row with my husband, my instructor texted me when I was feeling totally fed up, and I told him that I had caught feelings for him, but that I hoped it wouldn't affect our friendship, which it hasn't.

    At the moment, things are a bit weird between my husband and I, whilst he adjusts from finishing a long self employed job, and to me going out at random hours in the morning, or finishing late at night. We can't sleep in the same room, as it doesn't seem fair to be waking him up at 4am when I have to get up some days. And it's like walking on eggshells; I never know how or when I will piss him off and make him annoyed with me. It's only a passing phase, and I know I have to support him through the rough days of not having any work booked.

    The one lovely constant is knowing that at some point in the evening, every evening, I will get a friendly text, and it will be supportive and kind.... It won't be romantic, or particularly personal... but someone is thinking of me kindly, and with warmth; that is a nice feeling to have...

    So, my questions -

    Is the guy interested in me as more than friends?

    If not, is it normal for a guy with a partner to text a married woman, multiple times, every evening?

    Finally, the biggie.... what should I do???

  4. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I guess it depends. Are you willing to throw away your marriage over this?
    Or are you looking for some hard fast guarantee if you choose to monkey branch from your husband to your coworker?

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by QueenofParts
    Finally, the biggie.... what should I do???
    Girl, you already know.

    What options do you really think you have that won't blow up your marriage? Don't play with fire like this.

  7. #16

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    No, my marriage is important to me, and so is my coworker's partnership with his missus and kid (I don't have children).

    I'm just more intrigued as to whether this guy actually does like me, or if I'm reading it wrong.

    I like him a lot, and he's an absolutely top bloke. I'm so far out of the game, that I have no idea when someone is flirting with me, and when someone is just being nice. I think that's why I caught some feelings for him, as him being a nice bloke made me feel better at a time when life wasn't easy.

    He's never indicated any romantic intention towards me. He's just very confusing.

  8. #17
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    Nov 2017
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    Originally Posted by QueenofParts
    Let me start by saying that I hate myself for feeling this way, or even needing to ask about this... I've never been in this situation before.

    I've been very happily married for two years, together for seven years. My husband is a wonderful man, not without his faults, but has made my life brilliant with his love, support and kindness.

    I've recently dramatically changed careers, and needed to do some intensive training as part of the new job, get some new qualifications, which the company pay for. As a group, you get an instructor, and s/he takes you through the training. So far so good.

    My instructor had my mobile number, as he needed to contact us all about start times etc. but as we (as a group) got on so well, we would often exchange stupid photos or jokes within the group message. Still all fine.

    One day towards the end of my training, my instructor and I witnessed someone try to commit suicide, by jumping off a bridge. We were both gutted, and I just sat with my arm around him for some time, not speaking. The experience bonded us, in my mind.

    We started texting privately, as no one else really knew what it felt like. Now, several weeks later, we are still texting daily. On the few occasions I've seen him since I fully qualified, he's made an innocent comment about how "smart" I look in my work clothes, and given me silly, insignificant gifts with the work branding on (I love branded nonsense!) He also very gently engineered an occasion to work together; I think knowing that I would offer to help on a non-work day.

    None of the texts are anything other than friendly in nature, and he has a partner and a child. When we work together, it is completely professional. If I'm having a bad day learning my new job, he will listen to me be worried or complaining, and offer advice. And yes, because of this, I developed a crush on him, and there was a point where I thought about him a lot. On one evening, after a row with my husband, my instructor texted me when I was feeling totally fed up, and I told him that I had caught feelings for him, but that I hoped it wouldn't affect our friendship, which it hasn't.

    At the moment, things are a bit weird between my husband and I, whilst he adjusts from finishing a long self employed job, and to me going out at random hours in the morning, or finishing late at night. We can't sleep in the same room, as it doesn't seem fair to be waking him up at 4am when I have to get up some days. And it's like walking on eggshells; I never know how or when I will piss him off and make him annoyed with me. It's only a passing phase, and I know I have to support him through the rough days of not having any work booked.

    The one lovely constant is knowing that at some point in the evening, every evening, I will get a friendly text, and it will be supportive and kind.... It won't be romantic, or particularly personal... but someone is thinking of me kindly, and with warmth; that is a nice feeling to have...

    So, my questions -

    Is the guy interested in me as more than friends?

    If not, is it normal for a guy with a partner to text a married woman, multiple times, every evening?

    Finally, the biggie.... what should I do???
    Pretty sure you took an oath of til death do us part during your wedding ceremony? Or we're u just kidding?

    Ive been doing some thinking lately about how marriage has become a failed institution. As far as I can tell back in the day there was no getting out without some sort of extreme circumstances which definitely forced some people to get Thier together or face a lifetime of hell. Today it's a business, pay to get in, pay to get out. seems like integrity and the significance if those words are a thing of the past.

  9. #18
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    Who are you posting this again? Weren't the initial answers sufficient? We All advised you to stay away!

  10. #19
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by QueenofParts

    I told him that I had caught feelings for him, but that I hoped it wouldn't affect our friendship, which it hasn't.
    What did he respond to this?

    In my opinion by revealing this, you have already crossed the line, yes he is a crush, but you told him about your feelings, that means that you acted on those feelings, thus cheating on your husband emotionally. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do to someone, it destroys that person's self esteem.

    You need to make a decision soon as this could get ugly for a lot of people and there are also children involved.

    Work crushes happen all the time, it makes all the difference in the world how you act on them.

    STOP TEXTING NOW

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You have already asked the same question. Apparently, you didn't like the advice you got...You are married and he has a family including a young child. What part of feeding this crush is a BAD idea don't you get? Yet, you are set on going down a path that could ruin a bunch of people's lives instead of addressing the problems in your marriage.

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