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Thread: Attracted to another man....

  1. #1

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    Attracted to another man....

    I love my husband dearly, and he really is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He's made me a better person.

    I recently changed jobs, and had a male instructor teaching me the ropes. All was fine, until he and I witnessed a suicide attempt.. (a guy jumped off a bridge in front of us, fell 80 ft). My instructor was in a really bad place, totally crushed, so I just sat with him on the pavement where he had crumpled, and I put my arm around him. In that moment, we seemed to be linked.

    I'm married, and this man has a partner and a child.

    But he has been texting me late at night, and I must admit to having feelings for him. His texts make my day, and I can't get him out of my brain.

    I had a row with my husband over something silly, and I told the other man that I liked him in a stupid moment. He's never said that he has feelings for me, but why would he be texting me at 23:00 at night?! He's invited me to an event today (Sunday) and I don't know if anything will happen.

    I just hate the fact that I have feelings for someone else, when I have a fabulous husband.... I'm a terrible person...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    You have feelings because you survived a traumatic event together. Thatís all.

    Stop texting him and redirect attention to your marriage

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Well, you know you're cheating, it's just a matter of what you decide to do about that. Keep in mind "He's never said that he has feelings for me". Fix your marriage problems and get counseling for witnessing a traumatic event. Make an appt with a therapist to sort through all this.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Crushes can happen while married. Acting on them is a choice though. Fanning the flames is a choice. If you really value your marriage you need to draw boundaries. You need to ask this man to stop texting you if it's not something work-related. Texting you at inappropriate hours should also be a no go and you need to ask him to stop. Infidelity doesn't just "happen" as cheaters like to say. It's a series of choices. You are choosing to cheat on your husband and also hurt another family. That child is innocent.

    You can stop all the malarkey by asking him not to text you at inappropriate hours and by declining non work-related invitations. Turning things professional is simple and straightforward. It's a choice. Focusing on your husband and on resolving/fixing whatever is wrong/lacking within your marriage is also a choice.

    You are making informed choices all the way. You can choose to stop all this contact outside work and end this inappropriate "friendship" that is destroying your marriage.

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  6. #5
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    He is texting you late at night because you are the only one that also witnessed the suicide attempt and therefore the only person he thinks understands.

    If itís that traumatic to him he should seek counselling.

    Does your husband know who you are going to this event with?
    And what do you mean by you donít know if anything will happen.
    If you appreciate your husband and marriage as you say you do , then of course nothing will happen.

    And if you really feel bad for having feelings towards another man , you would nip it in the bud and not go to this event.
    Itís up to you to whether you decide to cheat on your husband or not. You already are cheating emotionally.

  7. #6
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    Stop texting with him, OP. And most definitely do not go to an event with him.

    Take a big step back and really reflect on where your marriage is. Are you bored? Been feeling less connected with your husband? How often do you have the chance to go on a date together?

  8. #7
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would tell him to seek counselling and you are not available for late night chats. Then block him.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    People who have let the emotional connection slide with a spouse are prone to emotional affairs. Let the instructor know you've crossed boundaries with him and it's a wake up call that you won't let happen again. If there is no reason to interact by phone at work, tell him to delete your number, and you can block his. If he has to have your number for work, tell him to stick to business calls only, as you and your husband have rules about not forming new friendships with people of the opposite sex.

    And then you need to pour all of that emotional energy into your husband. There are many things you can do to spice up the marriage. Take tango lessons together. Go to a couples stores and pick out new stuff for bedroom activities. Write him a note about everything you appreciate about him. Text him and tell him you can't wait until he gets home from work because you have a surprise for him, and then plan for something different and fun for the evening for a sexy date night.

    P.S. Open your eyes that the instructor is no prize, texting another woman outside of work and inviting her to a social event when he's already taken. If you two left your partners, when he feels the newness wear off with you, he'll be texting another new prospect in the wee hours.

  10. #9
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Don't mess with a married man - you may loose both your men in the process. Reconnect with your husband. Go on Friday night dates like you used to.

  11. #10
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    This is really inappropriate.

    Stop texting with him .

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