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Thread: How can I improve myself in my relationship?

  1. #1

    How can I improve myself in my relationship?

    My boyfriend is the only person Iím close with in my life. I have no other friends. Due to my intense loneliness, I have been diagnosed with depression. I also have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder which prevents me from making close friendships with other people in the first place. Since I have nobody else in my world, I am entirely dependent on my boyfriend. I get jealous over the littlest things. I admit that I donít let him do things that he likes because it takes attention away from me. Iím aware that I do this and I know it is wrong but I donít know how to make myself better. Heís all I have and heís the only person I receive attention from. I complain to him that Iím not receiving enough affection, and I know thatís wrong of me too. I think Iím suffocating him because I ask for so much of his time and ask him to drop everything for me because I have nobody else. He assured me he loves me and doesnít want to break up with me, but he wants me to improve myself. Which is why Iím here. Iím not sure where to start. Jealousy is a huge problem for me. Iím very insecure and have a low self esteem. An example of how insecure I am is if I wanted to watch a movie with him but saw a pretty, sexy female as a main character i would choose not to watch it in fear of him being attracted to her. I recognize how controlling I am and it adds to my insecurity because I think thereís nothing appealing about me and I donít see any reason for my boyfriend to even like me. So i have a lot of problems with myself. How do I help myself so I can save our relationship from being drowned out by all of my problems?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Have you sought therapy?

    What would you do if he wasn't around? This is really unhealthy to be so dependent on one person.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Ontario Canada
    You really need therapy. Your neediness and clinginess will eventually chase him away and then what will you do? Smothering a person is so unhealthy. Please see your doctor for a referral to a therapist. You cant live a successful life the way you are.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    I tried in-boxing you, OP, but am being prevented from doing so.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Your one and only friend WILL leave you because of this.

    What are you currently doing to change your behaviour that is driving him away?

    What are you actively doing about your anxiety and depression?

    Are you even making small attempts to overcome it?

    You are asking the wrong question . But the answer to your question is that you can NOT improve yourself within a relationship until you can improve yourself outside of it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Make some friends, get some hobbies, take a class, get a life - you can't make your boyfriend your entire world, it's not healthy. One way to make new friends is to get a part-time job where you meet people.

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