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Thread: Iím back. Again!

  1. #1
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    Iím back. Again!

    Well, itís been a few years but Iím back yet again. Another three years down the drain. Not sure what Iím looking to accomplish with this post. Maybe just to vent. Maybe just words of encouragement.

    Itís been 30 days since she left me.

    Itís been 28 days since Iíve seen her or heard her voice.

    Itís been 14 days since I contacted her to apologize for my part in the demise of the relationship (no cheating or abuse - the typical complacency combined with me fighting work related depression and anxiety).

    Itís been 12 days since she responded to my apology. I didnít receive an apology back - pretty much just got that she is glad to be out of the relationship. She accepts zero responsibility so of course she wonít apologize.

    This isnít my first time being a dumpee. Itís happened a few times in my life and each one I look back on and wonder why did I fret and drown in my sorrows, how did I think she was good for me? And I can honestly say I donít miss any of them or think of them often. And I know the same will happen this time. Yet the road ahead seems so lonely and dark. I miss my ďfamilyĒ (neither of us has kids but we both had dogs and combined we joked that we were a happy little ďfamilyĒ) - I miss the pups.

    I donít hope for reconciliation. She stole from me while moving out of my house. She stole my dog. While I can forgive her for that (forgiveness is for ones self, not the other), I simply cannot forget. Her true colors came out during the break up and she walked out that door someone I donít want to be with again. And the mere fact that she doesnít think she did anything wrong in the relationship (oh, but she did) makes me not want her. But it still hurts. I still miss her. I still miss the relationship. I guess I miss the dreams.

    Thanks for listening!
    Last edited by thinkstoohard; 04-13-2019 at 08:08 PM.

  2. #2
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    The road up ahead isn't lonely or anything like that, that's just how life is: relationships, break ups, heartbreaks, acceptance, rinse and repeat until you're no longer here. Hope you feel better soon.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Yeh. Grief is Grief and Loss is Loss no matter how we try to rationalize it....

    We are creatures of habit and our brains form daily patterns. That how and why we eventually level up as time works it's magic.

    We don't take change very well yet change is a constant.

    Sorry for your loss. I miss my dogs too*

    Carus*

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by thinkstoohard
    Well, itís been a few years but Iím back yet again. Another three years down the drain. Not sure what Iím looking to accomplish with this post. Maybe just to vent. Maybe just words of encouragement.

    Itís been 30 days since she left me.

    Itís been 28 days since Iíve seen her or heard her voice.

    Itís been 14 days since I contacted her to apologize for my part in the demise of the relationship (no cheating or abuse - the typical complacency combined with me fighting work related depression and anxiety).

    Itís been 12 days since she responded to my apology. I didnít receive an apology back - pretty much just got that she is glad to be out of the relationship. She accepts zero responsibility so of course she wonít apologize.

    This isnít my first time being a dumpee. Itís happened a few times in my life and each one I look back on and wonder why did I fret and drown in my sorrows, how did I think she was good for me? And I can honestly say I donít miss any of them or think of them often. And I know the same will happen this time. Yet the road ahead seems so lonely and dark. I miss my ďfamilyĒ (neither of us has kids but we both had dogs and combined we joked that we were a happy little ďfamilyĒ) - I miss the pups.

    I donít hope for reconciliation. She stole from me while moving out of my house. She stole my dog. While I can forgive her for that (forgiveness is for ones self, not the other), I simply cannot forget. Her true colors came out during the break up and she walked out that door someone I donít want to be with again. And the mere fact that she doesnít think she did anything wrong in the relationship (oh, but she did) makes me not want her. But it still hurts. I still miss her. I still miss the relationship. I guess I miss the dreams.

    Thanks for listening!
    Did you get your dog back?
    Was it actually your dog or a dog you got together?

    Break ups are not ever easy and Iím sorry you are going through one right now.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Deciduous's Avatar
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    Hi Thinkstohard,

    My heart goes out to you. Sounds an extremely painful week.

    It may help us to understand, if you walk us through it. Your post gives us the cliff-notes but not the real dynamics of the relationship...

    Please note, I only suggest this if it works for you, in terms of understanding patterns in your life, partners you are drawn to, situations which mirror perhaps childhood dynamics, etc. Do you see where I'm coming from?

    You choose this women for a reason. I wonder if you can tell us what that original reason was? What did you feel was being offered by this relationship that was different to previous ones? What were you looking for, specifically, at the time? What wasn't delivered? From your point of view where did she go wrong? Where did you start disconnecting?Was it simply the work issues, or were there other issues bubbling under the surface?

    I completely understand if it is wayyyyyy tooo early to begin to piece together.."what the *** just happened and why???!!!"..and if you are still dealing with the shock...3 years is a substantial investment in a person...but if it's of benefit to you, because this thread is for your benefit only...then lets begin..


    Decixxx

  7. #6
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    I wish that therapists started with questions like these. I like your style

    Originally Posted by Deciduous
    Hi Thinkstohard,

    My heart goes out to you. Sounds an extremely painful week.

    It may help us to understand, if you walk us through it. Your post gives us the cliff-notes but not the real dynamics of the relationship...

    Please note, I only suggest this if it works for you, in terms of understanding patterns in your life, partners you are drawn to, situations which mirror perhaps childhood dynamics, etc. Do you see where I'm coming from?

    You choose this women for a reason. I wonder if you can tell us what that original reason was? What did you feel was being offered by this relationship that was different to previous ones? What were you looking for, specifically, at the time? What wasn't delivered? From your point of view where did she go wrong? Where did you start disconnecting?Was it simply the work issues, or were there other issues bubbling under the surface?

    I completely understand if it is wayyyyyy tooo early to begin to piece together.."what the *** just happened and why???!!!"..and if you are still dealing with the shock...3 years is a substantial investment in a person...but if it's of benefit to you, because this thread is for your benefit only...then lets begin..


    Decixxx

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Carus
    Yeh. Grief is Grief and Loss is Loss no matter how we try to rationalize it....

    We are creatures of habit and our brains form daily patterns. That how and why we eventually level up as time works it's magic.

    We don't take change very well yet change is a constant.

    Sorry for your loss. I miss my dogs too*

    Carus*
    Thank you, Carus. This is definitely the truth.

    My dogs were like my children. It has been very tough adjusting without them. I might be kidding myself, but I almost think I miss the dogs more than I miss the ex!

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Did you get your dog back?
    Was it actually your dog or a dog you got together?

    Break ups are not ever easy and Iím sorry you are going through one right now.
    Billie, I did not get my dog back. One of them was hers that she got after we started dating but before she moved in with me. The other I purchased and up until the day before she was completely moved out she acknowledged this. When I showed up to the house after she moved out I found she had taken my dog.

    Thank you for your kind words!

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Deciduous
    Hi Thinkstohard,

    My heart goes out to you. Sounds an extremely painful week.

    It may help us to understand, if you walk us through it. Your post gives us the cliff-notes but not the real dynamics of the relationship...

    Please note, I only suggest this if it works for you, in terms of understanding patterns in your life, partners you are drawn to, situations which mirror perhaps childhood dynamics, etc. Do you see where I'm coming from?

    You choose this women for a reason. I wonder if you can tell us what that original reason was? What did you feel was being offered by this relationship that was different to previous ones? What were you looking for, specifically, at the time? What wasn't delivered? From your point of view where did she go wrong? Where did you start disconnecting?Was it simply the work issues, or were there other issues bubbling under the surface?

    I completely understand if it is wayyyyyy tooo early to begin to piece together.."what the *** just happened and why???!!!"..and if you are still dealing with the shock...3 years is a substantial investment in a person...but if it's of benefit to you, because this thread is for your benefit only...then lets begin..


    Decixxx
    Hi Deciduous. Thank you for the reply!

    You nailed it in your response! I have been in therapy for many years (not continuous) but unfortunately we never got to the "cause" of my relationship cycles. Lucky for me the therapist I started seeing in January is great and we are tackling everything you mention and then some head on! As mush as I hate it, I am somewhat happy to have this breakup as it is forcing me to finally learn about myself at a deeper level and to help me not pick the wrong woman when I do decide to date again. It's a scary journey since it is making me give myself a real hard look, but one I am excited about!

  11. #10
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    Having been through other break ups I no I will survive not talking to my ex again. I am not one to have friendships or any form or relationships with an ex - it just isn't healthy for either party and when the time comes that one of us s a relationship it isn't fair to our partners. For those reasons I steer clear of my exes.

    BUT it still sucks right now knowing that I am only 15 days into never speaking to her again (well, I guess the last correspondence was text so I am 15 days into not contacting her and 30 days into not speaking to her). It's just so sad knowing this...

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