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Thread: Angry husband and puppy

  1. #1

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    Angry husband and puppy

    My husband and I recently got a puppy. When puppy misbehaves husband lashes out at puppy by yelling and screaming and breaking things. Most recently husband smashed his laptop and broke our bedroom door off its hinges. I'm really worried and dont know what to do. We have had puppy for 6 months and I already love puppy. Of course I love my husband too. But this is not normal behavior. I have told my husband that he should get help..talk to someone about his anger but he refuses and says it's all the dogs fault. Example; puppy was outside, husband told puppy to come in, puppy wouldn't listen, husband gets furious, breaks his laptop, blames puppy for breaking his laptop.? Should we get rid of the dog? Or should I still try to convince my husband to get help? Both? I dont know I'm at a loss here. I cant keep having him break things and potentially harming our puppy. I also feel if we get rid of puppy my family is going to ask all kinds of questions of why we got rid of him. Help

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    This puppy needs to go to a home that is not abusive. Your husband is abusive. Smashing and breaking things and ripping doors off hinges is abusive and you should leave too. Please donít ever have a child with this person .

  3. #3
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    Faaaaaark no! If he wonít go to counselling for anger management I implore you to give some serious consideration to breaking up with him. What about when itís a child heís angry at? What about when itís you? People unfold as we get to know them and the introduction of the puppy has caused your husband to reveal that he canít control his emotions and fast resorts to violence.

    I know itís no small thing to say leave, but this behaviour is no small thing either. Very worried for you op. (And even if you donít go better rehome the puppy before he damages or kills it)

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    Rehome that poor innocent puppy before that man kills it.

    You're an adult human who has made the choice to engage in a relationship with a violent man. The poor puppy didn't make that choice.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I agree, this is an innocent baby animal. If you do not get it out of harms way you are culpable for animal cruelty if anything happens to this puppy . Rehome this poor animal now . And get out while you can before you become the door .

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Should we get rid of the dog?
    No...Get rid of him!

    You're the voice for this dog...don't let him down...

  8. #7
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Clearly by my name Iíll pick the dog -

    But I vote get rid of the hubby.

    Do you have kids?! Imagine if he turns on them. Imagine if he turns on YOU! Notwithstanding the ethics of protecting the puppy, which is absolutely relevant in its own right!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. This is not about a puppy. Your husband is the classic escalating abuser. Read up on abusive relationships. Google "cycle of violence". Get to a therapist alone, privately and confidentially. Do not tell him. Do not engage him. Take the dog and leave immediately when he becomes violent. Stop arguing or pleading or negotiating with him. Call law enforcement if needed. Abusers Never "get help". Ever. You need to extricate yourself from this. It will 100% only get worse.
    Originally Posted by LolaBean
    husband smashed his laptop and broke our bedroom door off its hinges. I

    I have told my husband that he should get help..talk to someone about his anger but he refuses

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're both not ready for a dog. I'm finding it hard to believe that there were no warning signs for his short fuse. I wouldn't blow it out of proportion either. There's obviously something very wrong in the picture and NOT ok but I think you owe it to your marriage to dig deeper and communicate better with each other. He clearly didn't hit you or the dog. He took it out on his laptop and the door, and very unnecessarily so as now not only is he stuck with a wife who is shocked with him and a puppy that couldn't care less about him but he also has a broken computer and a broken door.

    When someone is in a fit, it's probably not the smartest thing to tell them to get help. It just escalates the matter and has the potential to create a more tense situation. That dog has to go. Both of you need to work on your marriage and communicate better.

    The rage shouldn't be allowed to continue and he needs to know he has to check that. When people trip up on rage and realize that they can overpower others or animals or intimidate others, it becomes an unhealthy and violent habit. See if you can get through to him and speak with him. I would resist the urge to insult or accuse or enact any elaborate homemade clinical diagnoses. Open up the lines of communication better without condemning each other just yet.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Please do not "speak to him". As you already realized he will not get help. You can not fix or change him. It's not about the dog. It does not matter that he hasn't hit you...yet. Educate yourself appropriately on domestic violence and the role animal abuse and property damage have in predicting more violent behavior. Educate yourself from appropriate sources such as this excerpt from Emory Law Journal.

    Emory Law Journal
    The Abuse of Animals as a Method of Domestic Violence
    A substantial amount of research in recent decades has focused on the relationship between domestic violence and animal abuse. This research has shown that an abusive household often contains more than one victim, and that an abuser is likely to harm both his intimate partner and domestic animals in the home. The bulk of this research has focused on the degree to which these forms of abuse co-occur, the predictive utility of these statistics, and the effect that animal abuse has on a victimís decision to leave the abusive household. Research findings in these areas have spawned a number of efforts to build upon this link to protect both humans and animals, such as including animals in protective orders, encouraging womenís shelters to accommodate companion animals, requiring cross-reporting between animal welfare and domestic agencies, and educating the public as to the potential risk implicated by an animal abuser in the home.

    By contrast, relatively little attention has been paid to a different aspect of the problem: the intentional abuse of animals as a method of domestic violence. Often, abusers exploit the close, emotional bond shared by a victim and her companion animal to inflict harm upon the human victim. The abuser may harm or kill the animal in order to emotionally harm the human, use threats against the animal to gain compliance or control over the human, or use these methods to abuse the human or coerce her return after she leaves the household. These forms of abuse constitute one aspect of the broader pattern of control that characterizes an abusive relationship. The abuse of an animal is a potent source of harm and control: victims have described their anguish and despair at witnessing their partner torture their beloved animal in front of their eyes, and frequently speak of how their concern for the animal obstructs their ability to leave the home. Because domestic violence shelters typically do not accept animals, a departing victim must leave her animal in the household. By doing so, she is left vulnerable to harm through the ongoing abuse of the animalóabuse that may force her to return to her abuser just to protect it.

    This Comment argues that domestic violence statutes must treat animal cruelty as a domestic violence offense when committed with the purpose of harming or coercing the human victim. The lawís failure to do so leaves a powerful method of harm underregulated, and thus leaves the significant abuse of both humans and animals underpunished. Designating animal abuse as a domestic violence offense would plug a prominent gap in the criminal approach to domestic violence and make available a large number of specialized protective and rehabilitative measures currently available to domestic violence victims, such as protective orders and mandatory therapy for the abuser. Moreover, implementing a domestic violence animal cruelty provision poses a relatively straightforward task, because the current statutory schemes of most states already recognize a variety of offenses as involving domestic violence. Ultimately, the frequency with which domestic violence and animal abuse co-occur, the severe harm that this abuse inflicts, and the substantial protective and remedial benefits that would follow together suggest the criminalization of this form of abuse is a necessary and highly effective approach against both domestic and animal abuse.

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