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Thread: Feeling bad for snapping at Ex?

  1. #1
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    Feeling bad for snapping at Ex?

    So I have posts about my past relationship somewhere on my account. Basically it was mentally abusive and toxic. Not right for each other blah blah blah.

    A few months ago I made the TERRIBLE mistake of contacting my ex again. (Yes. Very stupid. I regretted it) I wanted to see if maybe some time apart helped us, if anything changed after breaking up...again big mistake. Found out he was semi open to the idea that maybe this time things would be different but then he told me he was in the early stages of talking to someone else and wanted to see where it would go. I was devastated and left him alone and I accepted that he had made a choice: Try again with me OR see how things go with this new girl. He chose the new girl. He blocked me and I took a hint. This was something he ALWAYS did, even throughout the relationship, he'd cut contact and set it up so he's the only one that can reinstate contact. So I left him alone and moved on with my life.

    Well two weeks ago he unblocks me. I only notice because some of my old facebook photos he tagged me in suddenly popped up again and I thought it was weird but again, moving on with my life and untagged the photos and left it be. I left it alone.

    A few days ago I then decided that I didn't want the reminders, I didnt want any possible way of communication. I didnt want anymore pop ups because it was rather triggering for me, i was spending too much time wondering 'why' and i didnt want to spend my time that way So I blocked him. I had a public account. I didnt like the idea that he suddenly had access to me and what I'm doing and it started bothering me overtime.

    1 hour after blocking he texts me and he's like "I shouldve tried harder to work things out with you. I took you for granted. You were the only person who truly cared for me" and that pissed tf off.

    So I was like:

    "yeah well I dont anymore. You're probably only messaging me because your other situation flopped which is another reason why you're a peice of sh*t so now you're trying to circle back and trying reenter my life and mess with me. Get help. I don't have anything to say to you. Please don't contact me again or I wont be nice."

    But now I feel bad because I keep wondering "what if i pushed someone who was already down"

  2. #2
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    I feel guilty for snapping and I almost want to message him and just see if he's okay. He caught me at a bad time.

    Is this the whole "wounded bird" tactic? Is he trying to come back to me all weak as a way to draw me back in or is he in need of actual help and feels like he has no one in his life?

  3. #3
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    I want to help someone who is in need of help but he was so cruel to be when he chose her over me. When we started talking again he said he needed time to think. He even text me a list of reasons why he chose her over me, basically a formal porpsoal as to why she might be a better fit for him and it was a bit traumatic for me. It was like a rejection letter, it had some blunt things on it and I'm kind of still working through that.

    ANYONE FAMILIAR WITH SOCIAL MEDIA: with him messaging me an hour after blocking him on facebook. Is it a safe bet to assume I was being watched? He had me unblocked for two weeks before I decided to pull the plug and block.

    Is this something I should be worried about?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Look you did the right thing by blocking him so don't be a milque toast and become all apologetic to him. Your guilt is misplaced and your relationship was toxic, he chose another girl over you, he needs to stay in the past and it was the right thing for you to closed that door. Opening it now is just your own lack f self respect and self worth making you OCD think about it.

    It's over, good... keep it that way.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    And please keep your account in a private status (not public). The whole rollercoaster of blocking vs unblocking particular individuals is too much of a headache and overdramatic. Simply take care of your account overall and stop letting every tom harry and jane in africa see your business. Keep him off your social media and don't look back.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I don't see that the ex boyfriend did anything wrong to you. You were broken up. You said yourself that the relationship was 'toxic' and 'abusive.' Why on earth did you contact him?

    He was simply being totally honest that he was talking to another woman. When it didn't work out with her, maybe he realized that he had acted too hastily with you, but you had a hissy fit and behaved immaturely when you were the one who had made the initial contact.

    Maybe a little more maturity on your part is needed?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Is this something I should be worried about?
    I think the only thing you should be worried about is the fact that you're so distraught about maybe hurting the feelings of someone who was not nice to you which indicates that you have no confidence or love of self to the point you forget about your own emotional self in order to fix a booboo he MAY be experiencing.

    Let it go and get on with your life without him in it. You are better off and you don't need to be worrying about his feelings any longer. They are his to process.

    Basically it was mentally abusive and toxic. Not right for each other blah blah blah.
    Print that out in big red letters and post it to your bathroom mirror so you don't forget it.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    If I were you I would take this whole recent moment—from you contacting him again, his blocking you, unblocking you, you blocking him, him poking you over text, you getting emotional—and put it in a little box in your head.

    Now label that little box: "Our Dynamic: Forever."

    In other words, this is how you guys "work," which is to say you don't. You are incapable of being nice, kind, mature adults to each other. You can't communicate with anything like warmth, but instead only through manipulative tactics (blocking, unblocking, maudlin pokes) which quickly escalate to catastrophe. Your connection is game-based, not heart-based.

    You know this—the toxic, abusive, blah blah prelude. What makes toxic so toxic is that we tend to mistake the poison for the cure, and we slip down these little wormholes if we're not careful.

    I've been in your shoes, so no judgement. Sometimes this is just what two people make together, a forever mess that time can't unravel. But time to just fully accept that and move on. For real.

    What does "for real" look like? Well, it looks like being honest with yourself, and admitting that maybe, just maybe, at least on a subconscious level, you did not block him because you "didn't want any form of communication." Because, well, blocking him was communication, albeit sideways, and he responded. If you really didn't want any communication? Well, you would have just let that lie instead of engaging.

    He took your bait, you took his, and here you are. Game on.

    And it sucks, right? So, again, back to the little box. This here is the very best you guys can offer each other, and it just sucks. So stop playing the game, let the toxins fully dissolve in your system—and, with them, the spinning sorts of thoughts now on your mind.

    Best of luck. I know it's hard. I've been in these things.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    And please keep your account in a private status (not public). The whole rollercoaster of blocking vs unblocking particular individuals is too much of a headache and overdramatic. Simply take care of your account overall and stop letting every tom harry and jane in africa see your business. Keep him off your social media and don't look back.
    Agree, his blocking/unblocking/blocking throughout your relationship whenever he couldn't be bothered talking to you is crazy-making!

    Pls don't feel guilty. He was messing you about imo, and you said your peace.

    Hopefully, he will leave you alone now, for good.

    How many times had I wished I could express myself like that when some jerk was messing me about.

    Own what you felt, own what you said!

    And move on.. :)

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    If I were you I would take this whole recent moment—from you contacting him again, his blocking you, unblocking you, you blocking him, him poking you over text, you getting emotional—and put it in a little box in your head.

    Now label that little box: "Our Dynamic: Forever."

    In other words, this is how you guys "work," which is to say you don't. You are incapable of being nice, kind, mature adults to each other. You can't communicate with anything like warmth, but instead only through manipulative tactics (blocking, unblocking, maudlin pokes) which quickly escalate to catastrophe. Your connection is game-based, not heart-based.

    You know this—the toxic, abusive, blah blah prelude. What makes toxic so toxic is that we tend to mistake the poison for the cure, and we slip down these little wormholes if we're not careful.

    I've been in your shoes, so no judgement. Sometimes this is just what two people make together, a forever mess that time can't unravel. But time to just fully accept that and move on. For real.

    What does "for real" look like? Well, it looks like being honest with yourself, and admitting that maybe, just maybe, at least on a subconscious level, you did not block him because you "didn't want any form of communication." Because, well, blocking him was communication, albeit sideways, and he responded. If you really didn't want any communication? Well, you would have just let that lie instead of engaging.

    He took your bait, you took his, and here you are. Game on.

    And it sucks, right? So, again, back to the little box. This here is the very best you guys can offer each other, and it just sucks. So stop playing the game, let the toxins fully dissolve in your system—and, with them, the spinning sorts of thoughts now on your mind.

    Best of luck. I know it's hard. I've been in these things.
    Was blocking immature on my end? I do see what you mean which is why I felt the need to block. I almost feel like this game of tag could go on for years if we let it. (Him cutting contact, him contacting me, huge fight, him cutting contact again, him contacting me, me blocking him, me contacting him, him blocking me...ect) it's a dance and we've been dancing for a while. Which is why I flipped and blocked in the first place... I just dont know how to STOP it all without blocking and trusting that I'm healing enough to realize this is toxic.

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