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Thread: End of the Affair

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AquaFire
    No, I never betrayed MY spouse. He was aware of the om being in my life from the start. However, my ex mm chose to keep it a secret from his wife, which was his choice.
    So its an open relationship and there was no cheating on your part. My question now is why would you hook up with a cheater and help him betray a fellow sista? Why not find another guy in an open relationship and avoid the drama. You threatening to tell his wife is "rich" considering the hypocrisy and your choice to get involved with a cheater.

    So: Why help someone to cheat?

  2. #12

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    Never saw it as cheating. Just fell in love with him. That sort of thing. Lol. Yeah, you're right, didn't really think about how it may have been interpreted. I didn't think it through. Wasn't intending it to bother her and he did call now and say she wasn't upset by it, so that's good. He explained the reason he's done "has nothing to do with his wife as he said he doesn't love her but he feared she would tell him to leave which would prevent him from seeing his kids." So he's pissed because it could have forced him to leave his kids.
    Rethinking it and I probably should have just of let him get bored and end it that way. Haha.Oh well.
    Last edited by AquaFire; 04-14-2019 at 05:11 PM.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    He explained the reason he's done "has nothing to do with his wife as he said he doesn't love her but he feared she would tell him to leave which would prevent him from seeing his kids." So he's pissed because it could have forced him to leave his kids.
    Such BS. In this day and age of divorced parents, there is no way she would be able to keep him away from his kids.

    To be honest, it sounds like you stopped being a stress free booty call and so he called an end to it.

    Next time you're ready to step out, make sure the dude isn't just a cheating turd and has an arrangement similar to your own marriage agreement.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did you have an open marriage? You both had outside partners/affairs.
    Originally Posted by AquaFire
    No, I never betrayed MY spouse. He was aware of the om being in my life from the start.

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  6. #15
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    so denial is not just a river in Egypt

  7. #16
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AquaFire
    No, he was showing signs this past year, LONG before the end. Not all women feel scorned after a break up. I feel THANKFUL that he walked. Again, wondering if there are other people who have found relief in the ending of a long term affair.
    Iím sure there are, every person has a different life experience. Have you heard of confirmation bias? Itís a need to be validated because you donít feel strongly about a mindset you want to have so you need others to confirm it for you.

    Originally Posted by spunkmire
    so denial is not just a river in Egypt
    No it is not.

    Originally Posted by AquaFire
    Never saw it as cheating. Just fell in love with him. That sort of thing. Lol. Yeah, you're right, didn't really think about how it may have been interpreted. I didn't think it through. Wasn't intending it to bother her and he did call now and say she wasn't upset by it, so that's good. He explained the reason he's done "has nothing to do with his wife as he said he doesn't love her but he feared she would tell him to leave which would prevent him from seeing his kids." So he's pissed because it could have forced him to leave his kids.
    Rethinking it and I probably should have just of let him get bored and end it that way. Haha.Oh well.
    Heís lying to you and any #nofeelings individual would see that clear as day. You fell in love which you admit, I doubt your husband would be ok with that, Iíve never been in an open relationship but Iím almost positive falling in love is a BIG no no, so acting as if this is all normal is well kinda sorta insulting.

    Like another poster asked why arenít you asking a real question about what youíre actually going through?

    You canít be happy and content with the way things are. Iím not saying people donít have happy open marriages, I know they do but again with all the rule breaking, the bad marriage, the partner whoís cheating, the accusations of mental issues, itís all too much whatís going on with you? Thatís where the true issue lies and when you start to crack that code youíll begin to feel better a whole lot faster than some random people online telling you ď yeah girl, I was so happy when my affair ended...í that will temporarily soothe you for maybe half a day? If that. Facing the messiness of your romantic life? Lifetime solution! Try it.

  8. #17
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    The relief comes from you not wasting more of your life.

    A new start.

    Make the best of it!
    Last edited by Lester; 04-17-2019 at 07:11 AM.

  9. #18
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    Good lord.. My brain hurts from reading this.

    No morals whatsoever-

  10. #19
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    I am not married, but am in a long-term relationship with a man who has consisently cheated and always said, "What you don't know can't hurt you." The problem is that it can, and often you end up knowing eventually. I think that the relief of an affair ending lies with the same honesty in which you rendered the pleasure in the first place. Affairs are based on something feeling good, and not on the future consequences; so when reality starts to set in, it's frankly just not fun anymore, as the purpose of it was to break from reality.

    My mother (married 30+ yrs) was in an affair with a man in the city I live in, and would use visiting me as an excuse to go see him! She told me about it once it was over, and it had deeply damaged her marriage. I would have to agree with the "what you don't know can't hurt you" here, as I'd had my suspicions, but really wish she'd never told me. Affairs hurt kids. They hurt families. A husband and wife unit is a family that is built on love and trust. An affair is built on something completely different, and although it may feel separate, is very often really a damning reflection of your own family unit and marriage.

    If it is an affair that you are not lying about and your spouse is aware of, that's a different animal, and is approaching an open marriage. This, I'd imagine, would be much easier to get over, as it doesn't compromise your trust relationship with your spouse.

  11. #20
    Bronze Member EternalOptimis's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AquaFire
    Never saw it as cheating. Just fell in love with him. That sort of thing. Lol.
    Yes you did. You made a conscious choice. You prioritised your own needs over his wife's and your husband's..


    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    People don't "become sociopaths" when we break up with them, however every angry scorned person's ex is either a sociopath, narcissist or psycho.
    So true. You only realised you didn't really love her after she threw the ring in your face :)

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