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Thread: End of the Affair

  1. #1

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    End of the Affair

    7 years long, year long break up in between, and now it's over. Both married. His marriage is good, mine has challenges. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, even though he's the one that literally walked away with no explanation more then that he needed a break and threatened me to back off as I contacted his wife as a test to see how he actually felt about me. Lol. He flipped out and ended it. What's interesting is I'm actually okay. I don't feel hurt this time. It's almost like he showed his true side and I know I'm better than being a side chick. He was the only man I've ever slept with besides my husband and I guess I've grown from the experience. I have no desire to ever go outside my marriage again. I'm not happy in my marriage and neither is my husband but both in my husband's affair and mine, we found we'd rather step off the crazy train of having a side person involved in our marriage and just live drama free, so to speak. For those of you who have been an affair partner, did you feel relieved when it was done?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Say what?

    I had to read it a few times...please let me know if Im correct...

    You were having a 7 year long affair with a married man, hes happily married you are not...

    To 'test how he truly felt about you' (AKA, to get him to choose you) you went and told his wife.

    He chose his wife.

    This made you discover you are 'better than a side chick' although you arent a side chick but rather a willing participant in an affair that betrayed both of your spouses...

    You're relieved the man you were sleeping with for 7 years chose his wife over you...

    You and your husband recognize you're unhappy and cheat on one another but decided to take a cheating break...

    Did I read that right?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He showed his "true side" when he decided to cheat on his wife. Contacting her serves no purpose other than a woman scorned. After all this, you and your marriage are still not happy.
    Originally Posted by AquaFire
    I contacted his wife as a test to see how he actually felt about me.
    It's almost like he showed his true side
    I'm not happy in my marriage and neither is my husband but both in my husband's affair and mine.

  4. #4

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    Nope, don't feel like a woman scorned. That was not why I sent her a msg. I feel like I won the lottery. Lol. Him walking away was the best thing that ever happened. I sent the msg to his wife to see how he felt because he had been treating everyone in his life extremely poorly in the past year. I heard him snap at his 13 year old son numerous times and he was treating his department employees with no respect. He was constantly irritable.
    I could see a huge change in him from who he was in previous years. This was the safest way for me to exit the situation. As long as he felt he was in control of the decision, I could get out. I believe he's become a sociopath.
    As stated, I'm looking for people who have also felt relief after their affair ended. Is it typical to have felt in danger and unsafe?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    People don't "become sociopaths" when we break up with them, however every angry scorned person's ex is either a sociopath, narcissist or psycho.
    Originally Posted by AquaFire
    don't feel like a woman scorned. I believe he's become a sociopath.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AquaFire
    Nope, don't feel like a woman scorned. That was not why I sent her a msg. I feel like I won the lottery. Lol. Him walking away was the best thing that ever happened. I sent the msg to his wife to see how he felt because he had been treating everyone in his life extremely poorly in the past year. I heard him snap at his 13 year old son numerous times and he was treating his department employees with no respect. He was constantly irritable.
    I could see a huge change in him from who he was in previous years. This was the safest way for me to exit the situation. As long as he felt he was in control of the decision, I could get out. I believe he's become a sociopath.
    As stated, I'm looking for people who have also felt relief after their affair ended. Is it typical to have felt in danger and unsafe?
    Girl... you literally not even on a different page just gave us a completely different story, one where you say you did it to see how he actually felt about you. Now you feared for your life? Iíve been choked until I lost consciousness, as a child and an adult. Thatís feeling in danger and unsafe, donít insult the many survivors who are on this forum and compare it to your bad choices.

    Youíre in pain and mourning... it was 7 years of your life... itís ok to be hurt by all this, stop with the #nofeelings bull, heís not a sociopath, heís a cheater and a liar. Just like you, the only difference is he didnít want to leave his wife, which doesnít take a rocket scientist, thatís where your turmoil lies...

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Thank goodness I've never gone through all that craziness.

  9. #8

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    No, he was showing signs this past year, LONG before the end. Not all women feel scorned after a break up. I feel THANKFUL that he walked. Again, wondering if there are other people who have found relief in the ending of a long term affair.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Do you and your partner have an open relationship? I can't imagine a man that would not have a clue for 7 years. If its not an open relationship then you two must be so out of touch with one another that he didn't notice how preoccupied and indifferent to your relationship with him has been? If that's the case, how sad that instead of leaving one another, you choose to be someone's side piece.

    I wonder why you don't ask: "For those who have had less than subpar marriages were you relieved when it was over" rather then the one you asked in your opening post.

  11. #10

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    No, I never betrayed MY spouse. He was aware of the om being in my life from the start. However, my ex mm chose to keep it a secret from his wife, which was his choice.

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