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Thread: I made a huge mistake

  1. #31
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melonbear
    bluecastle, ive been considering proffessional help in the past, but have had bad experiences with it. Also, i guess until today i havent been ready to change. Thanks for the hugs :)
    Yeah, it can be tricky finding the right person. A bad experience can really throw us off.

    But think of it like this: You go out for a run, and every time you do your ankle hurts—badly. One doctor looks at it, is kind of dismissive. You keep running, but the pain is there, getting worse. What do you do? You go and find a better doctor, right? Because you know something is up and you'd much rather run without the pain.

    Our heads, our hearts, our emotional equilibriums: they're just as vital to us as our muscles, bones, ligaments. They need tending to, when stressed. Seeing where we're fragile, and having the courage to treat it—that is strength, the deep strength I talked about in an earlier post.

    Sadly, a lot of people mistake love, attention, and relationships as solutions, as medicine. Makes sense, since those fluttery feelings are pretty drug-like. In the beginning they make us feel so good, just the way a handful of painkillers will make running on that ankle easy. But as the love drug fades (like painkillers fade) we're right back where we were—or potentially more strained.

    The sprain becomes a fracture, a break. A Dean becomes a Jess, a Dean-n-Jess knot.

    Make any sense?

    Your awareness is a gift, so honor it. Honoring it is not courting the attention of someone and then being all "oh I'm a mess because this awful thing happened to me when I was 14" and then feeling soothed when they're understanding and lovey dovey. That's just the drug, posing as vulnerability and connection. That's dishonoring self-awareness, by using it as an excuse.

    Head high, you got this.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by melonbear
    Additional info: I kept telling Jess that hes going too fast, that I wasnt ready for kissing, but he kept pushing and.pushing. I'm a bit scared of breaking it off because hes so intense, and keeps telling me how sweet and honest and wtv I am. I'm not.
    Are you scared for your safety because he's "intense"? Because if so, that is another issue in itself and you might need to include some support from close friends into this breakup. If you're fearing for your safety

    Or

    Are you scared of his intense feelings? Scared he'll cry... beg...etc... I usually don't condone breaking up over text but in situation like that it might be what's best.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by melonbear
    You're right Rose. I'm just afraid that if i dont act fast, I'll lose Dean forever. theres so much pressure.
    If someone is the one for you, you can never truly lose them forever. So if he's able to lose feelings for you because you didn't act "fast" it's just proof that theres someone else out there for you and maybe he's not the guy.

  4. #34
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    rchubn, i guess its just a habit of mine to self depricate, and im just feeling incredibly ashamed and regretful and lost. im sorry if it seemed any other way, i realize it was wrong.

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  6. #35
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    rchubn, thanks for you input. I have and will appologize to both, and give them an honest explanation.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by melonbear
    Kyle, I do love Dean. I think we are soulmates. Im just young(19) and stupid and was afraid of this huge commitment. I'm not anymore. I'm just so torn up about hurting Jess now, though i know i need to break it off asap. Thanks for your input
    I always say you should steer away from using the word soulmate. I feel like that word is making you add pressure to yourself or scared you might "miss" out on life with your soulmate if you don't act now. You have to remember that life isn't always now or never. You're only 19. Yes you could've found your soulmate but guess what, if he's truly your soulmate he'll still be your soulmate a year from now or 10 years from now. You wouldn't be on a time crunch.

  8. #37
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    I dont think your discomfort is about the guys. I think it's something else. Just my opinion[/QUOTE]

    i think youre right, i do have a lot going on. i had reasons for breaking up with dean, it was not just because. for the past 5 years ive just been all over the place, and entering adulthood is a confusing time. i will take your advice to heart

  9. #38
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    I'm just very inexperienced with relationships. I had NO idea Jess would fall for me in only a few months, i did not expect him to get attached so fast and it really threw me off. I dont know what to expect when i break up with him, because i dont know him that well, but i do think he deserves an honest face-to-face discussion(?)

  10. #39
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    yeah youre right, bluecastle. i got into a relationship with Dean when we were both very vulnerable, and became very co-dependant. its difficult to navigate healthy relationships when youre not comfortable being alone, is what im gathering from this

  11. #40
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Do Jess a favor and break it off with him honestly and truthfully. Give yourself time and space. After that, see if Dean will come around and establish good friendship with you. Then take it from there and see if the love you wish for will blossom with him. However, be prepared for a scenario of losing both men since you're confused and with all due respect, unstable.

    You need to be self confident and possess high self esteem in order to attract others to you. If you feel insecure, learn how to become independent first and then you'll be happy with someone else.

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