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Thread: I made a huge mistake

  1. #21
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melonbear
    ThatwasThen, I've had in the past, but they kept pushing meds on me and I came to distrust(though i know all mental health professionals are different) them. I just started having suicidal thoughts again in october, and then came all this jess/dean thing and it's just been a huge mess.
    Start making you your most important investment. Please go back to a therapist that you can trust as having your best interests at heart. A psychologist cannot prescribe meds (only a psychiatrist or a medical doctor can do that). Perhaps you just haven't found a professional that you gel with? Try again and get yourself settled and angst/anxiety free. Your new found confidence will be your guide to choosing a healthy, functional path going forward.

  2. #22
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    I dont think you should be with either right now. You seem all over the place. Definitely end it with JEss though its not fair on him.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melonbear
    Youre so kind and intelligent, bluecastle. I'm really taking your advice to heart. The junk food analogy made a lot of sense! I had never thought of it that way. Its difficult to navigate relationships, ive always had struggles ever since my first love killed himself when i was 14, and its just been hard to navigate love since then, as i imagine it is for a lot of people. I cant thank you enough for your words, really helps.
    So very sorry to hear about that. Digital hugs!

    But with those hugs? Well, that is A LOT to go through, for anyone, but especially when you're just starting to wade your toes into the always strange waters of love.

    Do you have someone you can talk to, a professional?

    I've been through a lot myself, and plenty of that has gotten in the way of relationships, or has gotten me into some confusing ones. Life. Happens. Therapists have been great at helping me see it all a little more clearly, so I can feel it more clearly, too, if that makes sense. Basically so I can give myself a big hug, when needed, instead of needing hugs from others.

    Much as I love those too, of course.

  4. #24
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    ninja, i will end it with Jess on Monday, although I'm not sure how yet

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  6. #25
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    bluecastle, ive been considering proffessional help in the past, but have had bad experiences with it. Also, i guess until today i havent been ready to change. Thanks for the hugs :)

  7. #26
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    Yes i would agree with BC, i would look to seek help regarding that trauma you suffered at a young age. Regarding Jess that is good, yuo are doing the right thing. Do not give false hope "maybe down the line" etc , be firm but respectful. Good luck

  8. #27
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    "You're a great guy but it would be best if we don't see one another in a romantic sense any more. I hope you understand".

  9. #28
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    YEAH SO...

    I think you need to look at deeper issues. You can't just use people everytime you get hurt or life gets complicated. You said you dumped the first guy because life got complicated. He still wants you. You pick up another guy because life got complicated and he wants you but now you want to circle back and date the guy you dumped before (for what I'm assuming no reason, simply because you were having a hard time)

    I'm trying to separate my personal issues from the situation so I can give unbiased advice but I just want to say what you're doing to these guys is unfair and you need to see why you freeze under pressure and why you feel the need to build and the destroy. Are you uncomfortable with the idea of being at peace/happy?

    I think this is self sabotaging behavior. You're not the first person to self sabotage, you're not a horrible person for doing it but I think you need to realize that while you were self sabotaging, you were dragging these guys and their emotions along for the ride and that's unfair. I think in this situation both men are better off single until you can figure out what deep rooted issue is making you act like this.

    As for Jess... I'm a firm believer that you can "suggest" a relationship without verbally suggesting a relationship. I find it messed up that you're saying "I never said I was his girlfriend" when you can clearly see he was falling for you. That in itself is messed up and you need to apologize to him and be honest with him. You owe him that. You lead that guy on and used him for emotional comfort. That is wrong and you owe him an apology.

    As for Dean... I would say you owe him an explanation. He might not ask for one but what the hell... it sounds like you almost broke up with him "just because" hopefully I'm interpreting that wrong and that isnt the case but if it is and personal issues made you dump him, you owe the guy an explanation.

    I think you need to start taking responsibility for the deeper issues you have and leave others out of it. I think you'll be a lot happier. I also think you owe a few apologies and I think you should make a habit of apologizing for unexplained, self destructive behavior, especially if you involve other people in the fall out.

  10. #29
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    Maybe this is just your "tone" but with the little signature at the end of your post rubbed me the wrong way.

    1. Its self degrading. Although you made some unique decisions that have their own unique consequences I dont think you need to degrade yourself like that. You might be a little lost but You don't deserve that.

    2. It almost makes it sound comical. Like you're finding humor in the fact that you have two guys wrapped around your finger. It feels like you like the drama?

    Just my impression! I could be interpreting this all wrong.

  11. #30
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    Nonetheless, mistakes can be fixed. Wrongs had be made right. You just need to take responsibility and initiative. You can admit you're wrong without making yourself feel ty about it. You can ask for space to grow.

    Hell, when it comes to choosing what guy I think once you solve the deep rooted issue, you might get a whole new lense. You might work on yourself, fix your issues and find out that Jess is actually the guy for you. I wouldn't make any solid decisions until you find a way to mend some of the brokenness you clearly have.

    (I dont mean to be harsh. Call you broken. Emphasize you have issues or anything. We all have issues and things we need to personally work through before making decisions in life)

    I dont think your discomfort is about the guys. I think it's something else. Just my opinion

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