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Thread: I made a huge mistake

  1. #1

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    I made a huge mistake

    Please help. I'm going to break it off monday, I think.

    So I was in a 4 year relationship with "Dean". I'm young, I'm changing, I got scared, I was confused, everything was so serious. I broke it off. He still wants to be with me.

    During our time apart, 3 months now, I'd been talking with a coworker you I really like, lets call him Jess. We'd been texting and i really really loved talking to him, made me smile, made me happy just to see him at work. I quit my job but we kept texting, until he ghosted me.

    With the breakup and my grandpa dying and bunch of stuff, I was vulnerable. I decided I needed closure and went to see him to understand why he had chosen to ignoring me instead of straight up telling me he didnt like me or whatever. turns out it was all a big misunderstanding and he really liked me all along.

    One thing led to another, and now Jess and I see each other weekly. during the span of a month, hes fallen deeply and madly in love with me for god knows what reason, and he says im the first girl hes ever loved and all. We kiss and hug, but nothing more, btw.

    Thing is, I'm so not ready for a big relationship, and I still love Dean. This time apart with him made me realize that hes really the one for me, and I want back in, if he'll have me.

    I really like Jess, i enjoy spending time with him and talking to him. I had a crush, and really didnt expect it would turn out this way with him. I dont picture a future with him, and need to break it off (btw never told him i wanted to be his gf, he just assumed and is being really cligny and pushy for some time now) before he gets even more hurt.

    I really cant stand the thought of hurting Jess, hes a really good guy and I feel like its all my fault because he started liking me ever since i went to see him after hed been 'ghosting' me, which was a mistake on my part.

    I feel guilty and broken up about Dean and I really want him back, but Jess is really being intense and I have no idea how to end it, as it all started so weird and fast.

    Please, I really need help.
    -Melon, the guilty wh*re.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Did you break up with Dean because you were crushing on Jess?

  3. #3
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    For what I have seen you need to break it off. You donít see a future with him and it seems like you regret breaking up with Dean. You need to look at what broke you guys up in the first place and see if you have changed or he has changed to make things better. If you really want to be with Dean you need to break it off with Jess. You still love Dean so you shouldnít be with Jess anymore and should have no relations. Iím sure heís a great guy but it seems like something is missing and maybe you havenít gotten over Dean fully yet. My perspective you need to see if Dean changed and you have changed. See if you still have that connection with Dean. I think you should do what your gut tells you.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    End it with Jess and stay still. Don't clamour to get back with Dean. You'll need time to clear your head and at least a few weeks to let the dust settle. Make any decisions after that. You're putting too much pressure on yourself right now. This never bodes well. I'm suspecting that the unrequited/onesided relationship with Jess is just pushing you to another direction and neither men are good options for you. The only thing that has to stop right now is the deception with Jess. End that and slow down.

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  6. #5

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    Partly, I suppose, though i hate admitting it to myself. I'd been going through a hard time for months prior, and Dean wasnt helping much with it, then Jess came along and made me happy, i guess. I honestly dont know anymore

  7. #6

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    Kyle, I do love Dean. I think we are soulmates. Im just young(19) and stupid and was afraid of this huge commitment. I'm not anymore. I'm just so torn up about hurting Jess now, though i know i need to break it off asap. Thanks for your input

  8. #7

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    You're right Rose. I'm just afraid that if i dont act fast, I'll lose Dean forever. theres so much pressure.

  9. #8

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    Additional info: I kept telling Jess that hes going too fast, that I wasnt ready for kissing, but he kept pushing and.pushing. I'm a bit scared of breaking it off because hes so intense, and keeps telling me how sweet and honest and wtv I am. I'm not.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melonbear
    Partly, I suppose, though i hate admitting it to myself. I'd been going through a hard time for months prior, and Dean wasnt helping much with it, then Jess came along and made me happy, i guess. I honestly dont know anymore
    Then you going back to Dean would be cruel. You left him because someone else was showing you attention. Clearly Dean is not the man for you and you're just going through a 'fear of being alone' stage.

    I'm young, I'm changing, I got scared, I was confused,
    and you are still all of those things. Nothing has changed.

    Take some single time to yourself and learn to enjoy being you and not just someone's partner.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melonbear
    You're right Rose. I'm just afraid that if i dont act fast, I'll lose Dean forever. theres so much pressure.
    And herein lies the problem... if someone is meant to be for you you'll eventually find your way back to each other. Be patient and practice more stillness. You've been moving too fast and even Dean(if he has half a mind) will be suspicious about your intentions. I think you need time to stop where you are, stop putting yourself in this position dating Jess and experience being single for awhile. Dean may not be the same person and he may be resentful of the way you treated him, he may distrust you and treat you differently. Think more clearly. End the relationship with Jess, wait for awhile and then see how Dean is doing as a person.

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