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Thread: Help Needed; TRYING TO WALK AWAY

  1. #1
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    Help Needed; TRYING TO WALK AWAY

    Hello, to put it simple.....Iím a MW in an affair with a man who is in a committed relationship.

    You know how it goes....great connection, great chemistry, major attraction....blah blah blah. We have only been intimate once and went NC but all through that time, we make deep eye contact (we work at the same place). We were forced to interact the other day, and there we go again. He texted me. We small talked. I ended up being invited over, but said I couldnít due to having plans, we texted for several hours just talking and talking about meeting the next day, but neither of us contacted each other to ďseal the dealĒ.

    I think he and I are both trying to walk away and always derail and while I want it to happen again so badly, I donít.

    Please help. How do I stay strong and keep it from happening again? Iím so emotionally drained from this stupid thing, and yes, I know itís my own darn fault. Iím an idiot. 😔

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Try minimizing that contact.. don't reply to texts and avoid where he works if you think you'll be derailed or distracted.

  3. #3
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    Imagine what it will be like when your husband and the other guy's girlfriend find out you two had sex.

    Think about the consequences you both will face. Think about the way your husband, children (if you have any) and your in-laws will look at you.

    If losing everything appeals to you, go ahead and indulge your lust!

    Otherwise, delete his number, block him from any and all means to communicate with you and keep work about work.

  4. #4
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    A quick way to end it would be to make contact with his significant other. You don't need to be mean to her. Just one text saying something along the lines of his involvement with you. Then be done. It's only fair for his significant other to know who really is so she can decide if she wants to continue to be deceived. He'll immediately end it with you as he'll feel you betrayed him but it's absolutely the moral thing to do. Good luck and you are doing the right thing by ending it.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Please do not involve his partner, who in turn will contact your husband. You need to hone your personal and romantic relationship boundaries that will keep you faithful. You forgot your own moral code for a turd that would help you to cheat and vice versa.

    You are putting your tawdry "connection" up on pedestal when it should be put back in the gutter where it belongs.

    I think what will help you with your boundaries is to stop all contact (even get another job if that's what it takes) and then sitting down with your husband and talking about what you believe is missing in your marriage that would make you forget your vows. If marriage counselling will get both of you to be honest with one another so that you can learn how to get back the passion in your relationship then get yourselves an appointment and get yourselves back on track.

    Put a wall up to this other man and take back your personal power from him.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Block and delete this guy.

  8. #7
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    No I don't know "how it goes" when it comes to choosing to act on feelings of attraction in that situation. The whole problem here is with "trying." In this particular situation there is either doing or not doing. Trying is irrelevant. I'm sorry it's hard for you. Maybe tell yourself that you have the memories of the great sex and of course it really couldn't go anywhere. How do you stay strong? By doing it -blocking him and going cold turkey.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    It doesn't "go." It doesn't "happen." It's something you do. Putting another guy's junk in your vagina isn't the coital equivalent to a rainy day at the beach.

    I think you're willing to sneak in an admission of guilt in at the very end for the sake of avoiding or minimizing any ridicule, but insofar as it being a genuine ownership of responsibility? Yeah, no. Not buying it for a second. Pretty much everything else you wrote employs passive rhetoric, painting yourself a mere victim of circumstance. And thing is, I don't think you've actually fooled yourself. It's just a good excuse if, or more likely when it happens again.

    Step one is acting like even the most base level adult and taking responsibility for your actions. Acknowledge that the only way it happens is by you making it happen. Fortunately, I'm not your husband, so it's no real skin off my back whether or not you choose to put on your big girl pants, but I hope you will.

    Yes, get counseling for your marriage. However, I will buck against the notion that anything lacking in your marriage driving you to forget your vows. I'd normally chalk it up to semantics as I know what TWT meant by it, but in your case, I can near guarantee the intention would be lost and you'd be more than happy to have an extra excuse for the collection . Any number of things can justifiably leave you feeling unhappy and which could be considered causal. Whether one chooses the route of infidelity from there is entirely independent of that.

    Beyond any of that and any other advice anyone may offer you here, it's ultimately on you whether you want to start acting decent.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    but in your case, I can near guarantee the intention would be lost and you'd be more than happy to have an extra excuse.
    You are likely right, J.

  11. #10
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    Life isn't black and white, so no judgement from me.

    Temptation will always show up and it's human nature to entertain the idea. But you chose to act on it. Why?

    You want to end the affair, but let's be realistic: working alongside him or even just seeing him at work everyday is going to make ending the affair almost impossible. What's left: to run as far away as possible from temptation.

    Putting it in practical terms: find a new job or ask to be moved to another division if the company is big. Drastic suggestions, I know.

    In the meantime, block his contact details and erase them (phone number, social media, etc.). Do not address him at work unless you have to and it's directly about work. Additionally, consider attending therapy or counselling.

    Wishing you the best!
    Last edited by greendots; 04-13-2019 at 02:20 PM.

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