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Thread: Help Needed; TRYING TO WALK AWAY

  1. #61
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    Also, after he said he has to block and delete me after ďthis timeĒ he said how he also does not want things to go back like they were the last time we did it; meaning, we didnít speak afterwards, not even a ďhelloĒ when we would see each other and the tension was thick. Thatís when he ended up texting me and we both said how we miss each other (and that encounter was nothing as intense as our last encounter). However, I donít know what he expects.....he knows we canít talk, he knows we canít be ďfriendsĒ all we can do is be professional when we run into each other. Part of me feels it isnít truly over FOR HIM. I hope it is as it will make things easier for me.

  2. #62
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    I am not sure why you're trying to analyze him or going back over what he said. Maybe spend the time instead selecting what action you are going to take -no matter what you feel -so that you stop having sex with him or interacting any way other than polite professionalism? There is no trying. There is either doing or not doing.

  3. #63
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    I agree with you Batya33, you are so right (most of everything I read here from everyone is right). Iím just struggling which is why Iím here....Iím not 100% strong yet, at times, not going to lie....part of me struggles with still wanting this affair yet I know I must let it go. Iím hour to hour; for a few hours, or a day, I feel strong, positive I am able to walk away, then I struggle and donít want to let go. He, the feelings are addictive, like a drug I assume and I hate it. And Iíve not even had to see him for 4 days now, Iím scared of how weak and powerless I will feel when do see him in a couple days. I just want this to go away.

  4. #64
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    But you can feel what you feel. You don't have to feel strong. You just have to make choices that reflect doing the right thing -even though it's not easy. I'd stop indulging in your inevitable rollercoaster emotions and your desire to continue this affair. And I'd also stop indulging in all the "addictive" catch phrases. Time to focus on actions. Baby steps are fine. You are always able to walk away -that is an action. You have complete control over your actions.

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  6. #65
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    Thank you for your words of encouragement Batya33. I appreciate that. I am waiting to get ripped a new A-hole from most on here, but hey, I understand as I have acted like a selfish tool and deserve every bit....I need ďtough loveĒ right now, but I also need kindness, guidance and direction, too. Thank you for reminding me itís okay if Iím making baby steps right now, and that ďitĒ doesnít happen overnight. I appreciate all of you on here....for your time, your input, your words of wisdom, whether they are tough, or kind, I appreciate them all. Thursday will be hard as that is when I will probably be seeing his face again - after 6 days of not seeing him.

  7. #66
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    I am writing as a girlfriend in a years-relationship with a guy who cheats. I have also been the other woman before.

    You are probably not the only girl he's cheating with or would like to cheat with. Men like this have a way of making women feel special. When I caught my boyfriend cheating, it hurt because I saw him saying all the same things to other girls that he said to me, things so specific that made me feel noticed, appreciated, and understood. Take that connection and throw it away. If the connection was as amazing as you say it is, he'd be your boyfriend, not hers. Not to mention, if you ever were to get together with him, how could you ever trust him?

  8. #67
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    Thank you for your advice. I am relieved it is over. And you are right, I can only imagine who else he has done this with.....which trust me, thatís already gone through my mind. I found out, when he invited me over last, he knew full well he was about to leave on vacation with his gf. Why would he invite me over to his home, to his bed right before leaving town with his gf??!

    Anyhow, I have remained in NC for 13 days, when I see him at work, he just looks at me, making locked in eye contact. I try to always look away, but sometimes it has felt pretty intense and I feel as guilty as him for making eye contact.

  9. #68
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    Originally Posted by crazytrain21
    Thank you for your advice. I am relieved it is over. And you are right, I can only imagine who else he has done this with.....which trust me, thatís already gone through my mind. I found out, when he invited me over last, he knew full well he was about to leave on vacation with his gf. Why would he invite me over to his home, to his bed right before leaving town with his gf??!

    Anyhow, I have remained in NC for 13 days, when I see him at work, he just looks at me, making locked in eye contact. I try to always look away, but sometimes it has felt pretty intense and I feel as guilty as him for making eye contact.
    Why would he invite you over? Because he is a person who doesn't keep his promises to his girlfriend and he wanted to have intercourse with you because it feels good and because he knew you were fine with participating in him betraying his girlfriend. Because people move towards pleasure and away from pain. Glad you've avoided him for the past almost 2 weeks!

  10. #69
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    Glad you are remaining in NC.

    Originally Posted by crazytrain21
    Why would he invite me over to his home, to his bed right before leaving town with his gf??!
    Serious question: Why does it surprise you that he did this? What about it seems incongruent with his behavior in general?

  11. #70
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    Thank you. I have no intentions of ever reaching out to him. I guess the reason it surprises me, that he would ask me over before leaving on vacation with her is because he claims he struggles with guilt so much. So, if he struggles with guilt as he says, I would think the last thing he would want to do is have me over right before leaving town with his gf.

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