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Thread: Help Needed; TRYING TO WALK AWAY

  1. #51
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    Lol. Sorry. He痴 29 (went back to finish degree) and I知 39.

  2. #52
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Quitting won't make a difference. She didn't block him and is banking on him either not having done so or unblocking her to reach out all the same. If anything, the extra degree of separation would only be perversely spun as it being a much more "innocent" extramarital fling rather than a full-on workplace affair.

    OP is a full-grown, 39-year old woman. Let's give her due credit as such. It's not but for his longing stares from the water cooler making her weak in the knees that she wouldn't set a day and time and drive to his house to hop on his willy. This isn't a cheesy romance novel. She knows better. She just doesn't care. This thread isn't a cry for help. It's so she can pat herself on the back and tell herself, "I tried."

    People like this exist and it is what it is. Efforts are best invested elsewhere.

    Enjoy your side dish, OP. Obviously none of us are going to stop you.

  3. #53
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    Originally Posted by crazytrain21
    ......and no, I did not set that up. He has always been the one to initiate trying to meet up. I知 not saying I知 not partially to blame, but it has always been him to do the reaching out, to break NC, to text me, etc. Even in the beginning, I had my guard up and never spoke to him, he continually came around....trying and talking and teasing and flirting. I never should have let my guard down.
    If he's the one who set it up, then it will be down to you to make sure you don't walk back into it again. I'm going to reiterate Capricorn's advice here:
    IF you are genuinely sincere about wanting to walk away then it would be as simple as telling him: .."Look, I'm sorry, this was a huge mistake and has to end now. Please don't contact/text me again". You only speak to him when it involves work. And yes, it really IS as simple as that. If you mean it, then say what you mean.
    There are plenty of people around who are happy to initiate inappropriate relationships with people who are essentially unavailable. It doesn't mean you're obliged to go along with it. In fact, it can be a life skill not to allow yourself to be drawn into scenarios which will really mess up your life, potentially for years to come, for the sake of a couple of nights of passionate sex. It's not just a question of 'not letting your guard down', it's telling the other person, politely but firmly, that you won't be getting involved.

    I disagree with the posters on here who say you should change your job, especially if your job is one you've had for years and love. What you will need to change is your impulse to self-destruct by acting on an infatuation. An infatuation with a philandering **** who clearly has no respect or caring for you.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    I agree. Temptations are everywhere and always will be. It's a matter of resolve.
    Originally Posted by j.man
    Quitting won't make a difference.

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  6. #55
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    Yes, I see now that changing your job isn't the problem. You can avoid him at work and your job as you describe it is stable and important to you. If he continues to pursue you can't you report him for harassment? (that is if you tell him to go away)

  7. #56
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    When one is addicted, acting like an adult flies out the window. Addicts do anything but act adult. The cure for addiction, which this very well could be or end up being, is to go cold turkey, zero contact with the substance one is addicted to. After all: Most of us (all of us?) cannot quit smoking if we keep having a drag off of a cigarette.

  8. #57
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    Yep, how successful would anyone be at dieting if they went to the bakery to buy cake every day? Or a person struggling to stop drinking if they went to the bar every day?

  9. #58
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Except they're not banging in the office bathroom in some strictly primal act. They're full on scheduling dates. Days ahead of time. It's a concerted effort, not an impulse. As impressively out of touch as "just quit and find another job" is on its own merits, it's utterly ineffectual as there's been every bit of a buffer even an overly impulsive individual might need to decide, "Yeah...I know you were looking damn fine the way you were refilling the copy machine, but I could go home, rub one out / run the bath facet, and still have time to watch Game of Thrones."

  10. #59
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Yes, just like an alcoholic can say I'll just drink one drink on the weekend and I won't bring any home. I'll drink that drink at a bar and then not have anymore. We all know how that ends up.

    She gt together with him for another romp in the hay even after starting this thread, she didn't even have the wits about her to block and delete him because of her own denial.

    Anyway: She's not going to quit even if they do it in the janitor closet on the lunch hour so that's that.

  11. #60
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    I have blocked his number, deleted our texts. He blocked my number and deleted my number/texts (at least he said so right before our last encounter, which I thought was a bit odd, regardless if I found it odd, he said he did) and I have no intention of interacting with him except on a professional level at work. I知 truly trying here. I知 also taking some time off.....just to get some distance.

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