Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 9 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 85

Thread: Help Needed; TRYING TO WALK AWAY

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,249
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by greendots
    Putting it in practical terms: find a new job or ask to be moved to another division if the company is big.
    I think this is your best option. Seriously. You've crossed the line already so there is very little else to stop you from doing it again. Especially when the temptation is so high.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    49,328
    Originally Posted by greendots
    Life isn't black and white, so no judgement from me.

    Temptation will always show up and it's human nature to entertain the idea. But you chose to act on it. Why?

    You want to end the affair, but let's be realistic: working alongside him or even just seeing him at work everyday is going to make ending the affair almost impossible. What's left: to run as far away as possible from temptation.

    Putting it in practical terms: find a new job or ask to be moved to another division if the company is big. Drastic suggestions, I know.

    In the meantime, block his contact details and erase them (phone number, social media, etc.). Do not address him at work unless you have to and it's directly about work. Additionally, consider attending therapy or counselling.

    Wishing you the best!
    Her initial presumption "You know how it goes....great connection, great chemistry, major attraction....blah blah blah" is a judgment about how typical people act in the face of temptation like that - and a dismissal of how serious it is - so yes, it's a judgment, it's an excuse. In my judgment that is not how it is typically.

    I wish her the best too in doing what is best in the situation since other people are getting hurt or potentially hurt too.

  3. #13
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    887
    Gender
    Female
    I'm going to speak up for the job situation here. I don't think the OP should move anywhere. Pardon, I think allowing it to affect your work or career more than it already has is incredibly unprofessional and questionable on your part, depending on how far-reaching these issues are working together with this other man. Keep your head on straight and focus on your work. Depending on how interested you are or vested you are in your career, making transitions due to a minor work relationship (that is not progressing or simply not going anywhere aside from highschool stares) would be silly. If you're in the same industry eventually you'll run into each other even if you move to another company.

    Keep doing what you're doing and be a bit more serious with your work. Avoid this person.

    As for your marriage, OP, you might want to address whatever problems are ongoing and speak with your spouse. It may be your home life in general and its unhappiness that is pushing you towards some brink of insanity and causing you to make such reckless decisions in your professional/private life. Please reconsider your marriage and start working out what's going on at home.

  4. #14
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    14,590
    IF you are genuinely sincere about wanting to walk away then it would be as simple as telling him: .."Look, I'm sorry, this was a huge mistake and has to end now. Please don't contact/text me again". You only speak to him when it involves work. And yes, it really IS as simple as that. If you mean it, then say what you mean.

    And then look into marriage counselling to help you figure out what's wrong in your marriage.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    19,702
    Don't know "how it goes." Terrible.

    Block, delete and find another job.

    Look into counselling .

  7. #16
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,587
    Gender
    Female
    If you sincerely want this to end, you'll find a way, if not you'll find an excuse...it's as simple as that. Keep in mind that this has the potential to backfire, yet I believe you already know this.

    Hopefully you'll choose to quit while you're ahead...

  8. #17
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    239
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Depending on how interested you are or vested you are in your career, making transitions due to a minor work relationship (that is not progressing or simply not going anywhere aside from highschool stares) would be silly. If you're in the same industry eventually you'll run into each other even if you move to another company.
    Whilst I respect your opinion, I strongly believe that if she wants to end the affair (and also rescue her marriage) she needs to do whatever it takes. That may include changing her work environment if necessary.

    Let's also highlight the fact that they've already been intimate once and how "we always derail" and "I want it to happen again so badly".

    We have only been intimate once
    I think he and I are both trying to walk away and always derail and while I want it to happen again so badly, I donít.
    If seeing him at work evokes these strong emotions in her, unless she excels at self-control - her best bet to end this affair is to change her work environment. And even that might not be enough.

  9. 04-14-2019, 03:30 AM

  10. #18
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    887
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by greendots
    Whilst I respect your opinion, I strongly believe that if she wants to end the affair (and also rescue her marriage) she needs to do whatever it takes. That may include changing her work environment if necessary.

    Let's also highlight the fact that they've already been intimate once and how "we always derail" and "I want it to happen again so badly".




    If seeing him at work evokes these strong emotions in her, unless she excels at self-control - her best bet to end this affair is to change her work environment. And even that might not be enough.
    Sure. Different strokes for different folks. It's just a little unsettling to me that anyone could jeopardize their position so badly at work to have to reconsider their entire employment at a company. It seems like a drastic operation for what might be very minimal impact or difference. This is regarding my earlier point about remaining in the same industry. If you end up meeting each other at conferences and knowing the same people in the same region/district or industry, it's not like a person can run away from his/her indiscretions or bad decisions every time there's a problem. People do talk regardless. I can't believe that no one in the company hasn't noticed. It'd be a bit naive (pardon) to think it's completely under the table. The lesser of two evils is dealing with what's happened and remaining respectful to one another(keeping their distance from each other/staying professional at work).

    I don't agree with running away in general or having to alter one's cv for one roll in the hay. It seems like a much ado over nothing as the guy isn't approaching her anymore in the first place. They share stares and she's expressing that she wants more. There's nothing really beyond that. If the OP has never been accountable for her actions before this, perhaps now's a good time to start. There are only so many times a person can run from their mistakes. I don't think it helps her grow either. I still think the main problems are at home so I'd suggest stop running away from this mistake and start dealing with the issues at home in her marriage. Just my two cents anyway.

  11. 04-14-2019, 03:51 AM
    Reason
    Spamming

  12. #19
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    239
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I still think the main problems are at home so I'd suggest stop running away from this mistake and start dealing with the issues at home in her marriage.
    Certainly. That is why ending the affair might not be enough to save her marriage.


    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    There are only so many times a person can run from their mistakes.
    This isn't about running away from a mistake. It's about being realistic on how much self-control one possesses. People with high self-control are most likely able to be near someone they had an affair with and deal with it in a professional manner. People with low self-control might spiral out of control (even if just mentally) at the sight of the person they had an affair with. So, it's in their best interest to be far away from such a person.
    Last edited by greendots; 04-14-2019 at 04:19 AM.

  13. #20
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    992
    Well, since you work together, it's impossible to cut contact unless you quit - which is also an option.

    If you can't quit, the best way to get over him is to replace him. Date other men, even if you don't feel like it right now - when you go out, you'll find yourself feeling better. It's great therapy.

Page 2 of 9 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •