Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 5 of 5 FirstFirst ... 2345
Results 41 to 49 of 49

Thread: My ex gf has slept with someone while we were broken up

  1. #41
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    614
    Gender
    Male
    Internally you have alrady forigven her so really if you want to have a good chance at this i'd just let go and see if you 2 can make it work.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,174
    Gender
    Male
    Kyle, I'd really suggest reading everything rainorshine is writing here over and over and over and over again.

    Your ex truly has nothingónothingóto apologize for when it comes to having sex with someone who was not you when she was not with you. Don't put that weight on her. Making anyone feel bad about sex is about the smallest thing a person can do; making a woman feel bad is the behavior of the smallest men who walk this planet.

    You have a chance, right now, to "man up" for real, you dig? That's not wailing on the mountaintop and convincing yourself that no one has felt pain like the pain you feel right now. No, it's the opposite of that. It's seeing your own pride and your own ego and demanding they stand the F down, because that's all this part of it is, pride and ego.

    Don't let it eclipse the good stuffóthe love, the connection, the chance to build trust and enter a new chapter together. You gotta get big picture here. A year from now, wherever this goes? You're not going to care one way or another that she slept with some guy at spring break. It's going to be a mosquito bite because, really, that's all it actually is right now. A mosquito bite that you're treating like a tiger attack.

    So the question is: Do you want to be not caring about it next to her or on your own?

    Rainorshine said something else that a lot of men don't understand, or fail to do. Which is: listen to her. Read those three words over and over again, too. Listen to her, first and foremost, not your pain. Find connection in what she tells you, not in litigating a hook up until neither of you can hear what the other is really saying. Make the goal of this moment hearing her, not "getting her back." If you can lean into that, you're golden, wherever this goes, because that's where the sweetest stuff is: connection, not possession.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,600
    Chiming in late here.

    Kyle, I think I get where you're coming from. Logically, you know you have no right to be angry at her, she has done nothing wrong, nothing to apologize for, you were no longer together when it happened.

    But rarely is anything logical when it comes to love.

    This is emotional, and you have a right to your feelings, there is no right or wrong, feelings just "are."

    It's how you react to your feelings that matters.

    I do want to add something though.

    I think much of what you're feeling, may actually be more about your "ego."

    The thought of another man touching, having sex with "your" girl makes you crazy!

    You're not unlike a lot of men driven by their egos, it's a territorial thing.

    And it can be difficult sometimes to differentiate between the two, feelings and ego, it takes a very enlightened evolved person to be able to do so.

    So try to not be so hard on yourself. You're very young. You're still learning about yourself, life, love, relationships.

    Heck I'm still learning and have many years on you! It's all a journey.

    Anyway, JMO based off your posts, and something to at least consider as you work through all this.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-17-2019 at 10:14 PM.

  4. #44
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    132
    Originally Posted by KyleBright
    Iíve really been struggling the past 3-4 months. My ex who I love deeply and I think I will never find another connection like we had. Slept with someone I would say 2 weeks ago. They had been seeing each other for two weeks. Before all of that I broke up with her in 4 months ago in December. I was really unhappy and was not challenging myself. I knew I still loved her because I grieved after the break up and I never do that. I really didnít do anything to better myself and for 3 months we talked/hung out and I treated her very poorly because I was still upset with myself and I was trying to get over things from the past. I made her feel unwanted and did things I regret. I even thought about being with another girl to see if I really did love her. I ended up only hanging out with one girl and all I could think about was her. I shouldíve knew then. Anyway, she went on spring break with friends and I apologized when she was there saying I am sorry for everything and I want to work on things. She came back and told me itís over. She said she was too scared I would break her heart and do things to hurt her all over again. She also said she didnít trust me so I bettered myself but I thought there was another guy. This week we talked and tried to figure things out. She says she loves me and misses me. She says she regrets it and it did not make her happy. Iím trying to get this out of my head, her being with another guy. Itís killing me. We agreed to have no contact for a month and come back to it. Be faithful to each other while having no contact. I just want to know if I can get over her being with another guy. I canít get it out of my head. I love her so much and we both get each other on a different level. We both think we are soulmates and our meant for each other just the timing sucks.
    You broke up with her and now you're upset she slept with someone? With how much you're messed up over it, I think you probably broke up with her as more of a statement and to play a game to see how she would react. This stems from you so it's up to you to either get over it, or don't. But don't keep that on the backburner to use against her when you start feeling insecure.

  5.  

  6. #45
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    132
    Originally Posted by KyleBright
    Blue Iíll go into more detail about how she felt. She wanted me for 3 months. The day I broke up with her. I broke her heart bad. She felt very upset because she was losing me and I was to naive to do things to better myself. I truly wish I did things different. You know she asked me before she went on spring break do you want me to go? I would say things like no go have fun be single. She would be like no I only want you. I was just not thinking. I never really went that long without talking to her. I pushed her to that point. She would cry at parties for 3 months and honesty was emotionally distressed because of how we were doing. I would say things I didnít mean. I really regret what I did. Iíve honesty learned to really not just take things for as they are and love life and people that love you for who you are. We just fought all the time because she wanted me to commit but I had doubts. I messed up. As soon as she became distant I immediately came to my senses but it was honesty too late. Sheís really a great girl. I have nothing bad to say about her.
    This is what happens when you're not being genuine. I get the feeling that you used breaking up with her as some kind of passive/aggressive mind game. And you have to get honest with yourself here. You probably enjoyed knowing she was crying over you after your break up.

    You are not giving off the "I was just fearful of commitment" vibe. You sound really, really committed to her. And I'm not sure that is new. Sometimes, especially when younger we play games. Little tests to see how much someone really cares about you. Or how far they are willing to go to show you how in love with you they are. But those games have consequences. And you are facing those right now.

    So if you do get back together, you will absolutely need to be over her sleeping with someone else. Because if you can't, then you shouldn't get back together with her. Because you can only suppress those things so long.

  7. #46
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    21
    I had severe depression and multiple things going on in my life. Iíve talked to multiple professional therapist.

  8. #47
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    57
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Blank State
    So if you do get back together, you will absolutely need to be over her sleeping with someone else. Because if you can't, then you shouldn't get back together with her. Because you can only suppress those things so long.
    Yeah. There will never be a successful relationship between the two of you going forward if can't get over her sleeping with someone else. It sounds like a pretty huge deal to you. Which is fine, we all have our standpoints. But if that is how you truly, genuinely feel, it's not a feeling that's going to dissipate or be appeased with a mere "apology" on her part. From what I can tell, it runs much deeper than that for you, and that will only intensify the level of distrust between y'all if you try moving toward a romantic relationship again right now.

    In my opinion, you both have been hurt by each other to the point that it would be wise to go your separate ways for a while, NO strings attached. You two need to heal and continue working on yourselves individually, without contact and without any stipulations. If you two are really soulmates, as you believe, the time apart with only strengthen your relationship when you come back together.

  9. #48
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    21
    Just a little update for you guys. We progressed slowly and we were hanging out once a week and talking everyday. She was getting ready to hangout with me more and apologize but I couldnít wait any longer. My health has took a toll. So this week has been interesting. I need things for me to move on past this and I know you guys donít think I deserve anything. Thereís things that I need and I donít expect you guys to understand. As for her I know she needs to do things to make her happy. So I decided to end things with her. She then told my friends that I was shutting her down. The only reason I couldnít stay was because I was stressing all the time. As I want to take things slow she wanted to take them slower. I needed reassurance, spending time with her, being out a priority in her life. But I canít expect her to do those things. I need a lot to get over this because the same situation happened 2 years ago and it took a toll on me. It took me 2 years to get over it. So I need a lot to get over this even though we werenít together it still felt like we were. We were still talking and she would do things to give me mixed signals. Anyway she told my friends that I was shutting her down and basically put the blame on me. I didnít take that well. So to clear the air I took her out on a date. It went pretty well. She actually apologized and seemed very regretful. We had a great time and it brought back good and bad memories. She even told me she thinks that sheís going to regret all of this stuff. She said she thinks we are going to get back together but I told her that I canít think like that anymore. She seemed to want me. I know she wants me but she just doesnít want to do the things that I need. Which is fine and understandable. . I know Iím being greedy and selfish but I have to put my happiness first. A lot of things in my life arenít going my way and I need to figure it out. I canít put that pressure on her. She was very upset when we said goodbye and I know she wants me. But I canít take things slow because my health is more important. Thank you guys for all the advice. Itís been a rough 2 months. Iím trying to stay positive.

  10. #49
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,600
    Deleted, good luck KyleB.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-02-2019 at 02:52 PM.

  11. 05-03-2019, 01:57 PM


Page 5 of 5 FirstFirst ... 2345

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •