Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 49

Thread: My ex gf has slept with someone while we were broken up

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,074
    When you had your toy truck you didn't really care much about playing with it. Now you've found out someone else played with your toy truck and suddenly it's your favorite toy.

    I would say you have some maturing to do.

  2. #22
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    153
    Well, you need to understand that you guys broke up. When you break up with someone you lose the right to judge, analyze or comment on anything that's going on in her life. You guys broke up and she decided to move on and live her life.

    You said you treated her poorly and you have regrets. You have no right to be upset with her or analyze what she does with her body. I don't mean to sound harsh but it's true.

    Your post shows that you're regretful but I question your intentions.

    You did treat her poorly. It sounds like you're upset that she pursued this new relationship and you have no right to be. Im getting the impression you only want her now because she's suddenly out of your reach. Sure you could attempt to get back together but what if you start treating her poorly again? I have a feeling you're suffering from "want what I can't have" syndrome.

  3. #23
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    21
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    When you had your toy truck you didn't really care much about playing with it. Now you've found out someone else played with your toy truck and suddenly it's your favorite toy.

    I would say you have some maturing to do.
    Maybe go look in the mirror and see what you see. I know what I did was wrong and I admired that. You donít know what she did to me? You donít know what I went through. All what I put myself through. You have no idea what happened between us and why I resented her. I would rather not talk bad about her and made it more about myself. So sorry i am not mature enough.

  4. #24
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    21
    Originally Posted by rchubn
    Well, you need to understand that you guys broke up. When you break up with someone you lose the right to judge, analyze or comment on anything that's going on in her life. You guys broke up and she decided to move on and live her life.

    You said you treated her poorly and you have regrets. You have no right to be upset with her or analyze what she does with her body. I don't mean to sound harsh but it's true.

    Your post shows that you're regretful but I question your intentions.

    You did treat her poorly. It sounds like you're upset that she pursued this new relationship and you have no right to be. Im getting the impression you only want her now because she's suddenly out of your reach. Sure you could attempt to get back together but what if you start treating her poorly again? I have a feeling you're suffering from "want what I can't have" syndrome.
    Some of you guys man, you think I would put myself through this if I just didnít love her? You think itís easy? You think Iím just some robot that does things. No everybody makes mistakes. She told me before spring break I had nothing to worry about. She was conflicted and confused. She didnít know what to do. Donít tell me Iím upset because now I donít have her. I isolated myself realized what I did wrong. When have I ever blamed her? ďWhat I want I canít have.Ē Gez man you guys just judge and are so toxic man. You donít even know the story obviously. Sorry I didnít want to bash the girl I love and I wanted to talk her up. Because thatís what youíre supposed to do when you love someone. She wasnít perfect. Neither was I. Thatís what makes us human. I said in my original post that I cried and grieved after my loss. When I broke up with her. I cried. I missed her. Then when I tried to get back with her. I got scared because she wanted to jump into things. I realized that she was the one for me when she started to become distant. I finally came to my senses that what I was doing was wrong. I wasnít doing what I was doing intentionally Iím not a horrible person man. Iím truly a good guy. Sheís a great girl. I just didnít want to bring her down. I didnít say that she was sending me mixed signals while still with this guy? I didnít say she would still show up to events and mess with my head for over a month. Why would I bash somebody that I truly love? When I think I can forgive her? Because we both made mistakes.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    21
    Sorry if it came across as me being the only one with the problems. We both made mistakes. I was just standing up for her because I know why this happened. It just sucks because 4 weeks ago she knew she still loved me. Her friends new she still wanted me. But they told her to go be with another guy. She showed me mixed signals all throughout the 4 weeks and we never went 4 days without talking. She showed up to places I would be every week. To say hi and talk to me and support me. But things would go back to normal. She told me this week she thinks Iím the one. She told me she thinks we will end up together. That Iím the only one for her. The timing just sucks. I agree. I mean I donít know how long this will take to get over. I just donít want to be 2 years down the road and her be with somebody else. Then I couldnít be with her. So thatís why Iím hoping I can get over this soon. This isnít just an easy quick fix. Seeing somebody you love walk into another relationship would be hard for anybody I think. It hurts. I am hurt and she wouldíve been hurt as well if I hooked up with somebody else.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,392
    Gender
    Female
    Hey Kyle, sorry if anything came across the wrong way. Hang in there. There are good people here who are just offering their thoughts. Sometimes we all get caught up in the ideas and concepts and just share stuff. I know you're in pain and both of you are hurt. You can vent here any time. I'm not sure now's a good time to keep talking with your ex but only the both of you can decide that. She should let you go if she's not sure about you. Eventually you'll realize that you deserve either to heal completely (without her in your life) or whether it's worth keeping this friendship. Hope you feel better soon.

  8. #27
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    21
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Hey Kyle, sorry if anything came across the wrong way. Hang in there. There are good people here who are just offering their thoughts. Sometimes we all get caught up in the ideas and concepts and just share stuff. I know you're in pain and both of you are hurt. You can vent here any time. I'm not sure now's a good time to keep talking with your ex but only the both of you can decide that. She should let you go if she's not sure about you. Eventually you'll realize that you deserve either to heal completely (without her in your life) or whether it's worth keeping this friendship. Hope you feel better soon.
    Yeah I know. I donít think now is a good time and I donít know when I will heal. Iím just very angry at this point. How could she do this to me? When she told me, if you hook up with somebody while youíre single or even if she does we can never be together. She told me this would never happen and that she loves me too much and canít be with anyone for a long time. She also said how this guy meant nothing to her. That she only did it because he showed her positive attention. She was tired of feeling unwanted and unloved. I was ready to show her that 4 weeks ago though. When she didnít know what to do. If she was so conflicted why would she go and do that? Why would she play mind games when she knows in the end that she wants me? Like I love her to death and I donít think I will ever find anyone like her. I am just lost because of this. Why would she throw what we have away just to be with somebody physically? When she told me sheís not like that anymore. Her friends convinced her and she wasnít hanging around the right people. Like I get it we all make mistakes Iím just having a hard time getting over this. This guy she even talked to is a home wrecker. Almost broke up one of her friends bf and her. I get I pushed her to this point. But at the same time itís hard to see this as how she sees it. She played with my emotions just to go try something out that she knew wouldnít work. I keep going back and forth and I hate it. My emotions are going crazy. Sorry to anyone that I was mad at or offended I really appreciate all the help. Iím going to see a therapist Wednesday to see where I should go from here. Itís hard for me to accept all these things and move forward when Iím the one to blame. Yeah I didnít make her do anything and I thought she wouldnít do that. Nobody thought she would do that. Everybody thought we would end up together. My parents and hers even though they donít like me. Even our friends thought out of everybody we were meant to be together but I broke up with her for some stupid reason. To better myself when I couldíve done that while I was with her. Why do something to fill that void when youíre still in love with me even though you deny it? Why do something like that when you are crying still and still want me? Why would you hangout with people you that arenít the best influencers when you told me the same thing? Thereís a lot of things I need to get over. I just donít think Iím going to find something like this with anyone. I think I can find someone and be very happy but something will always be missing. Iím just hurt and I know she is too. Iíve been trying to stay positive and trust my gut. My head tells me youíre stupid if you donít let her back in and my heart tells me that Iím broken into pieces because I loved this girl and if you let her back in sheíll just break it again. I wish it was that easy, just forget about it move on, or move on with my life. I really wish it was that easy where I could do that. Itís just a lot more complicated than that. She is literally my soulmate which is what sucks. I canít even describe what itís like to be with her. I know 2 years down the road I wonít care that this happened. I will probably want to be with her. I just donít know where to go from here. Like I said before I wouldíve done the same thing in her situation and even when I broke up with her I thought about doing what she did. I thought about it and if I was given the chance I probably would have. Thatís why Iím trying to be understanding. I knew where she was coming from itís just really hard.

  9. #28
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    21
    She also recently told me that this guy gave her confidence and showed her how she should be treated. Even though the guy was not the right one for her? She told me that he showed her how she should be treated. So why is she coming back? Why doesnít she go find someone else? If this guy treated her so well, why come back to me? That makes no sense. If Iím such a bad guy and treated you so poorly then why are you coming back?

  10. #29
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    57
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by KyleBright
    Blue Iíll go into more detail about how she felt. She wanted me for 3 months. The day I broke up with her. I broke her heart bad. She felt very upset because she was losing me and I was to naive to do things to better myself. I truly wish I did things different. You know she asked me before she went on spring break do you want me to go? I would say things like no go have fun be single. She would be like no I only want you. I was just not thinking. I never really went that long without talking to her. I pushed her to that point. She would cry at parties for 3 months and honesty was emotionally distressed because of how we were doing. I would say things I didnít mean. I really regret what I did. Iíve honesty learned to really not just take things for as they are and love life and people that love you for who you are. We just fought all the time because she wanted me to commit but I had doubts. I messed up. As soon as she became distant I immediately came to my senses but it was honesty too late. Sheís really a great girl. I have nothing bad to say about her.
    This is very interesting to me, as how you're relaying her feelings was exactly what I was going through around five, six months ago. My ex boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me out of the blue. It was totally unexpected and I was blindsided. There was about a 3-4 day period where I fought so hard for him not to, but in the end, it was clear that his mind was made up. So we went our separate ways, and I was absolutely devastated.

    However, we remained in contact. Sometimes I would initiate it, but a lot of times he would, as well. For 3 months, I made it evident that I was heartbroken and wanted to be back together. He pretty much ignored these feelings and never addressed them. Never once did he make it known that reconciling was on the table as even a remote possibility. He would tell me he felt guilty about hurting me, but other than that, he seemed to be moving on and happy. I tried to do the same. But like your ex, I, too, often cried at parties and bars, because of how painful it was being in those places without him. Eventually, I had a one-night-stand with another guy. I assumed that my ex had been doing the same the entire time. If anyone was the hook-up type out of the two of us, it was definitely him.

    A few weeks later, my ex calls me, begging for me to take him back. This, again, was a complete shock to me. He comes to visit me, in hopes of reconciliation, and he tells me that he hasn't slept with one person during our time apart. When he probes me, I am honest and tell him that yes, I had, once. He becomes FURIOUS, exclaims that he might throw-up, almost cries, and I am momentarily convinced it is a dealbreaker for him. It was absolutely the most dramatic response to anything I have ever experienced in my life. Apparently, after talking to some friends, this is a "normal" response for a lot of guys. It seems to have been (more or less) your response as well, and it still is not sitting with you well. I have nothing more to say than that to feel such a way is truly unreasonable, as the dumpee OBVIOUSLY has every right to do whatever they want after the relationship ends. How can you blame them? Especially if they believe there is no chance at reconciliation. You can't just expect for someone to know you still love them if you're not communicating that in your actions and are giving them mixed signals.

    All I can say, other than that it would be rather ridiculous IMO if you weren't able to move past knowing she has slept with another guy, is that my ex and I did eventually get back together. But it was messy, and after two months, ended very poorly. After having been broken up for months at that point, I was insecure in the relationship and was never truly able to forget the hurt my ex had caused me. Although he would tell me everything you are saying know, "I messed up," "you're the love of my life," "breaking up with you was the dumbest mistake I've ever made," it was difficult for me to believe him as I once had. Despite me still loving him, the trust had been broken, and the damage had been done.

    Just something to think about if you two do get back together in the future. It will be a very hard road ahead building that trust back, both for you and for her.
    Last edited by rainorshine; 04-16-2019 at 10:28 PM.

  11. #30
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    21
    Originally Posted by rainorshine
    This is very interesting to me, as how you're relaying her feelings was exactly what I was going through around five, six months ago. My ex boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me out of the blue. It was totally unexpected and I was blindsided. There was about a 3-4 day period where I fought so hard for him not to, but in the end, it was clear that his mind was made up. So we went our separate ways, and I was absolutely devastated.

    However, we remained in contact. Sometimes I would initiate it, but a lot of times he would, as well. For 3 months, I made it evident that I was heartbroken and wanted to be back together. He pretty much ignored these feelings and never addressed them. Never once did he make it known that reconciling was on the table as even a remote possibility. He would tell me he felt guilty about hurting me, but other than that, he seemed to be moving on and happy. I tried to do the same. But like your ex, I, too, often cried at parties and bars, because of how painful it was being in those places without him. Eventually, I had a one-night-stand with another guy. I assumed that my ex had been doing the same the entire time. If anyone was the hook-up type out of the two of us, it was definitely him.


    All I can say, other than that it would be rather ridiculous IMO if you weren't able to move past knowing she has slept with another guy, is that my ex and I did eventually get
    Just something to think about if you two do get back together in the future. It will be a very hard road ahead building that trust back, both for you and for her.
    Wow Iíve been looking for a story similar to mine and I have yet to find one. I do not blame her for acting out how she did. Things I guess are going decent we are working on things. We are reading a book together and Iím working on truly forgetting and forgiving her. I have currently been trying to force her to apologize because thatís what I felt like I needed to move on but when you force something it usually never works. So she doesnít apologize and Iím not going to ask again Im letting her do it on her own. I did cause hurt and I am very apologetic. She said sheís scared to lose me and wants to try things but wants to go very slow. We both agreed if we were to get back tougher we couldnít bring up the past and we would have to figure out how to move forward. I honestly think I can forgive her and move on. We were broken up and I pushed her to that point. Iím going to counseling and talking to people to try and get better. She truly is an amazing girl and Iím scared to let go. Sheís scared to let go of me as well. She told me last week that she thinks we will get married one day. Iím a little nervous at this point I guess. Iím scared she isnít going to want me in the end like you said. I canít worry about whatís not in my control. We honestly have made huge improvements since we have been going through this. I trust her completely and she does as well (I think). Our communication has gotten a lot better. I mean the only reason I feel pain is because I truly care for this girl. I really love this girl and she understands why I feel this way because she couldnít see me with anybody else either.

    She did think that there was a chance in my opinion. She just didnít trust me, shut her heart and feelings down. I opened my heart up but it was too late. She tried convincing herself that we would never get back together but after seeing the changes in my life she said she would always have that ďwhat if.Ē If she were to just be done. I pushed her and it just pushed her further away because I wanted her back so bad. She was very conflicted and it just sucks because I know she loved me and didnít know what she wanted. So instead of finding her feelings and coming back to me she tried to fill them. She said she felt nothing for him and didnít see a future but that doesnít really help. She also said that I should be happy that sheís trying to work things out with me. I know itís my fault in a way but we both messed up. I know itís a long road ahead if we want to get back together but Iím willing to work for it. I just hope that she feels the same way. She also told me if we were ever to get back together that we wouldnít break up it would be for good. She never wants to be put through a break up with me again because of how emotionally taxing everything is. I changed a lot. I still need to change and Iím working towards that to be a better version of myself. Thank you for telling your story.

Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •