Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 33

Thread: What is the best thing to do with someone that just won't accept that it's over?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    144
    Gender
    Female

    What is the best thing to do with someone that just won't accept that it's over?

    I have been in a long distance relationship for a year. It has not been easy and there has never really been any trust. We are both insecure and have trust issues. I don't want to go into all the details, a lot has happened, but basically what;s happening now is that I ended it and he flew all the way to my city to talk it through. I have told him there's nothing left to say and I'm never going to change my mind. I have in the past, we have reconciled several times but this time it's over. HE won't accept it and he's starting to show signs of irrational behavior, bargaining, repeating things again and again....
    Should I still be talking to this person or should I block him? I don't think there's anything that I can say that will get through to him, I think any contact just keeps the hope alive. ...
    I still care and I hate to see him like this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,369
    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    Should I still be talking to this person or should I block him?
    Yes, you need to. Keeping a line of communication open isn't doing him any favours, in the end.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    865
    Gender
    Female
    Explain what you are about to do and tell him that you care about him but the relationship is over and you prefer your privacy and cannot keep speaking with him. If you have any shared contacts or social circles explain you prefer and hope for mutual respect and privacy. For all the reasons you've both talked about, you're not feeling healthy or happy enough to continue in the relationship. People generally want to make their partners happy even if it's through tears and pain. Beyond that, end all the communication and switch gears. You're not switching gears and this may be a sign for you that you're stalling and not ready to think for yourself on your own. Change that and start a new mindset.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    10,844
    Every time you respond to him it makes him think you still love him and want to be with him.

    He's telling himself "she wouldn't reply if she didn't still want to be with me".

    Tell him you will not be communicating with him any longer. Then block him from all means of contact.

    No, that wouldn't be "harsh" or "immature" or "unnecessary". Giving him false hope (even if unintentional) is harsh, immature and unnecessary.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,167
    Gender
    Female
    IMO: No, don't block him. He knows where you live and has the means to fly there so you need to keep a record of everything he sends you in case he starts getting weird or violent with you. Just do not respond to anything he tries contact wise. Send him one last text/email (so you have it in writing) and calmly, kindly and matter of factly ask him to stop contacting you so that the two of you can come to terms with no longer being in one another's live, wish him good luck and then that's it. No more responding.

  7. #6
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    324
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with Thatwas.

    I hope that he doesn't try to fly to your home again and confront you there.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    3,986
    Iím not getting a stalker vibe from this guy. Sorry Iím just not.

    You said youíve had an off again on again with him before. Youíre staying in contact....

    Why wouldnít he think he still has a chance...

    Hell I still think he has a chance...

    You need to work on your boundaries, period.

    If youíre serious, tell him that no wishy washy trying to get an ego boost from his begging. You tell him straight up and you tell him you are done and youíre serious. Give him the reason why youíre serious this time, communication is key here not game playing and stinging him along. Which is what youíre doing by staying in contact, thatís break up 101.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    144
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Iím not getting a stalker vibe from this guy. Sorry Iím just not.
    No he's not a stalker. Just desperate and swinging for the fences.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    144
    Gender
    Female
    This is all good advice and you are all right. I just have to cut off communication.So selfish and immature of him to put me in this position.
    Thank you all.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,193
    I'm not sure if it's selfish and immature, Lady. It's more do to with pain and attachment and not wanting to let go.

    Losing someone we had our hopes on, is a really tough thing. No one wants to lose that.

    But if you're sure that there is no way to fix things and you really do want it done, the best thing you can do is to tell him the reason why you're ending it and be very specific. People need closure and telling them why is a huge part of this.

    Then wish him well and apologize for hurting him and stop replying.

    Going cold turkey will hurt, not just him, but you too as you've become used to each other. But it really is for the best if it's truly over.

    You're right, to continue to talk will confuse him and make him wonder if you will change your mind.
    To end it properly will mean no more replying.

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •