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Thread: Messaging and cheating?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by suesullivan1
    I think his answer of I don't know is what is bothering me. It's not the first incident like this. I haven't been cheated on before. I do however let my mind run wild. That is why I reached out for other's thoughts!
    Without reasonable circumstances and a good framework(trust), it's natural for the human mind to explore possibilities. Don't dumb yourself down. You should also realize that other people may not think like you or expect far less. Go with your gut instincts.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    The relationship is regressing versus progressing. If he was really that into you, and he has a CDL A, he could be getting a job closer to you driving locally such as for the sanitation department, working for the state or county where jobs include using trucks for asphalt, dump trucks, working on roads and parks, etc.

    I don't know what you've done to heal from the past, but if you haven't done that work, you will subconsciously choose inappropriate men/ignoring red flags.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Could have been chatting with a friend. I say Goodnight, Love ya to eveyone that's close to me even tho I'm married, so you are over reacting. He has a life too, he doesn't revolve around you.

  4. #14
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    I understand that, I'm looking for honesty from him. If I decide to talk to other men or women I would tell him. That is the difference. I also know him well enough to know when he is talking to a friend, family member or someone he is interested in. If it was his mom why wouldn't he have just said that? He wanted a committed relationship, honesty is key to me. Maybe it was innocent, I'm still undecided.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by suesullivan1
    I am in a long distance relationship. Message with my boyfriend every day, night. Last night he messaged me the usual good night message. He then repeated the message with slightly different wording. I asked about the "echo"and he said he didn't know what happened.

    I'm jealous so need impartial advice. Could he be cheating?
    Why on earth would something like that immediately take you to a place in your mind that tells you he's cheating?
    I do however let my mind run wild.
    Yes!

    You have no trust in him if you're that easily take down the infidelity track over a double text. No trust = no healthy relationship.

    Which brings me to:

    Have you even met him in person and if you have, how often do you actually spend in his company in real life and is there any hope of the long distance ending anytime soon? If not, then just dump him now and give you both the opportunity to find the persons you were actually meant to spend your life with.

    If I decide to talk to other men or women I would tell him.
    Why would you want to be "talking" to other men in the first place?

  7. #16
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    I answered all of that in previous posts as well as other factors making me question him. You're correct though, if I doubt him I guess we shouldn't be together. I spent close to 40 years with a man that hit me and emotionally abused me. Throughout that unhealthy relationship I never questioned that he would cheat. I'm not sure what is different with this relationship.
    Last edited by suesullivan1; 04-12-2019 at 02:38 PM. Reason: Typo

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by suesullivan1
    I answered all of that in previous posts as well as other factors making me question him. You're correct though, if I doubt him I guess we shouldn't be together. I spent close to 40 years with a man that hit me and emotionally abused me. Throughout that unhealthy relationship I never questioned that he would cheat. I'm not sure what is different with this relationship.
    Sorry, don't know how I missed your previous answers to my questions. However; now that you mention that you were in a 40 year relationship with an abuser, I suggest that you work on the reasons within yourself that allowed you to put up with that for 40 years and not flee him like your azz was on fire. Have you or are you getting therapy to help regain your self-worth and to overcome codependency issues? If you haven't, then I can understand why you don't trust a guy that isn't close enough to show you in tangible actions that he can be trusted.

    Personally, I don't think sending a duplicate missive is reason to mistrust him. Without any other indicators that he's cheating then I'd just let it go. But: It's hard to tell if your gut it on track about those texts or your unresolved emotional issues are presenting in anxiety rather then intuition.

  9. #18
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    Thanks. Why I didn't leave? I was convinced everything was my fault, no one else would want me, my kids, fear. Once you're out of the situation and getting help you see clearly. Unless you've been in the situation it's impossible to understand. You're probably right that I need someone I see more often.

    To reask the question though, when I said "what was that repeat" why wouldn't he have just said "I'm tired, I was distracted, etc"?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by suesullivan1
    I understand that, I'm looking for honesty from him. If I decide to talk to other men or women I would tell him. That is the difference. I also know him well enough to know when he is talking to a friend, family member or someone he is interested in. If it was his mom why wouldn't he have just said that? He wanted a committed relationship, honesty is key to me. Maybe it was innocent, I'm still undecided.
    Would honesty have been enough? Would you accept the answer he gives you? or would you keep on him about it? What if his answer was honest? Would you ever believe him? Trust is crucial in an LDR. If you have doubts, and lack trust, then there is no relationship.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by suesullivan1
    Thanks. Why I didn't leave? I was convinced everything was my fault, no one else would want me, my kids, fear. Once you're out of the situation and getting help you see clearly. Unless you've been in the situation it's impossible to understand. You're probably right that I need someone I see more often.

    To reask the question though, when I said "what was that repeat" why wouldn't he have just said "I'm tired, I was distracted, etc"?
    Because he was tired, distracted and he didn't think. or:
    He is somewhat of a scatter brain
    FWIW: I understand completely why you stayed. I've never been in an abusive relationship(I immediately dumped a guy that showed he could be abusive if I stayed and let him abuse me though) I do understand why you stayed. I know that codependency issues (a lifetime of bad relationship habits being taught to you and low self-worth because of that) are what kept you there and that is why I asked if you had gotten/are getting therapy to help you work through your reasons for staying.

    I wish you well and to have the courage to change your situation if you're not happy, you'e not content and feeling valued and if you are feeling angst and anxiety due to his behaviour.

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