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Thread: GF is giving me the silent treatment and idk that I'll hear back from her

  1. #1
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    GF is giving me the silent treatment and idk that I'll hear back from her

    my gf and I have been together for a few years. her car got sideswiped a few weeks ago. At fault driver left info. Gf took the car into a bodyshop, the estimate for repairs is $20k+. At fault driver's insurance won't cover cost of repair, because car is only valued at 3k-6k. She loves this car, asks me what she should do. I never been in the situation, do a quick google search, tell her they will probably only pay out the value of the car, or she can sue the at-fault driver and potentially get a little more than the value of car through a settlement or court decision. She throws a fit, saying they need to pay all $20k in repairs, it's not fair, if insurance won't cover, then she'll make the at fault driver figure out how to restore the car. I tell her it doesn't work that way, maybe get her own insurance involved if she has collateral, so she gets a pay out from the other party and some money from her own insurance to help with repair costs. Find a used car door somewhere and maybe research other places for a lower repair estimate or just replace the car. She say's "it's not fair, that's how it is huh?" I say "yeah, just call your insurance see of they can help" she hangs up. It been 6 days since we discussed that, she hasn't texted me or called me or done anything to let me know what she's doing. I called her once the night after we talked to see if she was all right because she wouldn't respond to my texts, but she was at her moms house and was pretty ambivalent about talking, i asked her if she was mad at me and she just says "idk." I say, "ok have safe night and hang up". 6 days and i haven't heard anything from her. Just waiting for her to come around. I really don't know what she'll have to say when/if she comes back and Idk what I'm going to say.

    Within the past 6 months I've been going through the motions with the relationship. Part of that is because I have school in fall and spring. We live 45 mins apart, but I work close to her. both of us have full time jobs. we typically spend one day of the week together. when I don't have school I'll bring her over to my home for a night if we both work late the next day. She's always wanting to be around me. I'm more introverted so the distance has been working in my favor. I love doing recreational stuff with her or just laying around together doing nothing, but more serious life stuff, like the situation above is really hard to overcome together. With more serious stuff like health, money, and work problems, she'll take my advice if the issue is purely logistical, but she's been doing a lot of that on her own now, so it comes up less and less. If the problems are more personal or value based, it's really hard to offer help because if she doesn't like my input she reads its like an attack on her. It makes it hard to be honest with her and it gets to me, so I try my best not to offer too much insight if I can identify those situations, but she senses my growing resentment. The car stuff is probably the last straw in her eyes. years ago when we first started dating, she had a fling with her ex, confessed it to me. I forgave her and tried my best to let it go, but I think she may think my resentment stems from that which is why she's so bothered when she senses I'm feeling down. I just feel so alone at times. I'm not sure how I can navigate life with her, and tbf I'm not the best communicator either, but when I've told her I can't be honest with her in the past she jumped to the conclusion that I must be doing something bad behind her back.

    I haven't attempted to reach out to her, because I know she wants some apology and I don't feel like should apologize for offering some honest advice when she asked. I feel like she might not come back. idk what to do.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    How old is she? This is a very immature way of dealing with problems and you did nothing wrong.

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    Originally Posted by Annia
    How old is she? This is a very immature way of dealing with problems and you did nothing wrong.
    We'e both 29. My friends agree, and tell me not to worry, but it feels odd.

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    I can't get past the $20K in repair costs. Are you sure you don't meant $2K? I don't get how a car that is worth 6 thousand can cost 20 thousand to fix. Although admittedly that does not seem to be the gist of the problems between you two

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    Originally Posted by relevart
    I can't get past the $20K in repair costs. Are you sure you don't meant $2K? I don't get how a car that is worth 6 thousand can cost 20 thousand to fix. Although admittedly that does not seem to be the gist of the problems between you two
    I was thinking the same. Figure maybe she misquoted or the shops ripping her off or maybe the damage is just that bad. The door needs to be replaced and the frame around it was screwed up. The insurance shouldn't be giving her trouble about covering the repair if she misquoted though.

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    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're making her sound like a spoiled brat but I'm not sure if that's what's going on. Your second paragraph is rife with trust and communication issues in the relationship. I think it would have helped better if you actually reversed the paragraphs (in terms of order for the reader because the second paragraph is more of a preface or introduction to those problems you're both having).

    Regarding her accident, I understand some of the emotions she's going through. I've been in two bad car accidents where the other drivers were at fault, one involving a three car collision. She's likely going through a serious spell of anger and helplessness at the situation. In the second accident for me, it took me about three weeks to feel somewhat back to myself about just the thought of driving and not as shaken and terribly angry at the entire situation (it's difficult to get rid of that anger and other emotions). I didn't think I'd ever feel the same driving but eventually I did go back to being myself and found my confidence again on the road and my health returned to normal and I was very lucky. I do still have some resentment towards the last driver who hit me particularly but for the most part I've let go of those tremendously horrible emotions. Mind you, I have always enjoyed driving and for as long as I can remember, driving's been fun and a joy. The accidents changed the way I saw things and it changed my ideas of people as well in general and put a lot of things in perspective for me.

    Since her accident happened a few weeks ago and she's still giving you the cold shoulder or seems a bit scattered, I'm not so inclined to think that it's the accident that's causing her to act like this towards you. You both don't have enough trust or good communication between the both of you to sustain a solid relationship. That trust seems broken a long while ago. She doesn't feel confident about you and you don't feel entirely confident about her. Unless you both sit down and have that difficult or awkward, long chat or really put your heart and soul (both of you) into your relationship, this isn't going to work. You're both already distancing yourselves from each other. If you don't like her, you don't like her. Be humble about it and be kind to each other. Let each other go.

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    Doesnít make sense.
    Generally if the cost to repair a car costs more than half itís value it is written off and the insurance payout is for the value of the car. In this case 3-6K.

    Why is your gf even insisting on the 20K?

    If she had a favourite pair of jeans worth $100 and the zip broke and the quote to fix the zip was $400 , would she pay it?
    Or would she just spend $100 on a new pair? Obviously the latter so why expect someone to pay 20K for her 3-6K car?

    Sheís not the brightest spark is she?!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This has nothing to do with cars or insurance or accidents. Your relationship is a wreck that no amount of money can fix. She and her insurance are the only ones whose business this car is. Is the relationship usually filled with this much nonsense? If so consider that it's just not working. All you can do is see if she contacts you. In the future, learn that women can get even angrier when you "mansplain" particularly with inane and bad advice.
    Originally Posted by safehead
    Within the past 6 months I've been going through the motions with the relationship. Part of that is because I have school in fall and spring.

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    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    What is the make and model of this car? And what year is it? Something smells fishy here.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If the car, title, insurance is in her name and you are not on the policy or title, stay out of it. Clearly she can read and drive a car. Therefore she can contact her insurance herself and figure out what they will/will not cover. Do not get into it with her. Do not give legal advice. Do not give body shop/automotive advice.

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