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Thread: Donít know what his intentions are

  1. #1
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    Donít know what his intentions are

    I met a guy out and he asked me on a date, so far we have been on 3 dates which consist of day time activities (walking and exploring public areas) I know itís early to ask but I donít know what his intentions are and Iím worried he may see me as potentially only a fling. The last date he did kiss me which was nice but some of his text messages are bit flirty. He also takes ages to text back sometimes and the other night he said he was at a friends so couldnít text very much which I found a bit weird, when Iím with my friends I just donít text back until Iím free but itís weird he had to tell me that? I know itís early but I do like him and he gives me butterflies which I havenít had for a few years so i think Iím worried about potentially getting hurt :( obviously after three dates canít ask what his intentions are.. what is some advice, just go along and see what happens ?

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    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think you probably know. You said so up there already. You're getting the feeling maybe you're just a fling. If the chemistry doesn't feel right, it just isn't.

    When you were out at those places there would have been plenty of time to engage in some meaningful conversations. What did you find out about him?

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I think you probably know. You said so up there already. You're getting the feeling maybe you're just a fling. If the chemistry doesn't feel right, it just isn't.

    When you were out at those places there would have been plenty of time to engage in some meaningful conversations. What did you find out about him?
    Yeh we talked about lots of stuff and he asked me questions about my life and vice versa, the chemistry feels right for me, but thatís cuz I like his personality therefore find him attractive

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    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    Yeh we talked about lots of stuff and he asked me questions about my life and vice versa, the chemistry feels right for me, but thatís cuz I like his personality therefore find him attractive
    If you trust your gut instincts, give it another shot(fourth date) and see where it goes. Different people move at different speeds. Sometimes subtle nuances like delays in communication early on can be misunderstood. Here's a laugh for you. After my first date with my husband, I dropped my phone into a lake by accident (kayaking) and it went down to the bottom, never saw it again. I had to get it replaced at the store. In that time I made sure to give him a call at his workplace as his phone number was stored in the cellphone. This was odd at the time for him (no woman had ever rang his work, even his ex-wife) but I did and I let him know what happened so he wouldn't worry. His coworkers teased him about it and we laughed about it afterwards. I think he's forgotten about it now.

    Let things unfold naturally and give people room to come to you.

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    If you trust your gut instincts, give it another shot(fourth date) and see where it goes. Different people move at different speeds. Sometimes subtle nuances like delays in communication early on can be misunderstood. Here's a laugh for you. After my first date with my husband, I dropped my phone into a lake by accident (kayaking) and it went down to the bottom, never saw it again. I had to get it replaced at the store. In that time I made sure to give him a call at his workplace as his phone number was stored in the cellphone. This was odd at the time for him (no woman had ever rang his work, even his ex-wife) but I did and I let him know what happened so he wouldn't worry. His coworkers teased him about it and we laughed about it afterwards. I think he's forgotten about it now.

    Let things unfold naturally and give people room to come to you.
    Haha that is a funny story - of all the times to drop your phone lol, if you didnít do that who knows what would of happened! Thank you for your great advice, especially the last sentence I will stick by that, simple but true! Thank you 😊

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    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    If the flirting feels too much for you or is too crude, you need to tell him to tone it down. If he is a gentleman he will.

    I personally don't have my cell phone on my hand all the time, so at times I realize I have messages from friends hours later. For now, I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

    If everything else with him seems okay, then give it some time, how are you both, if you dont mind me asking?

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    What do you mean by "flirty"?

    Do you mean playful teasing or do you mean sexual innuendo?

    You risk getting hurt with any man you date. Even the ones who appear super interested, are consistent, etc.

    That's the nature of dating; you have to be willing to take the risk cause there are never ever any guarantees it's going to work out or you won't get hurt.

    And please don't ask what his intentions are.

    After only three dates, he probably doesn't even know himself what he wants to happen, with you.

    Relax, give it time. And have fun!!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-11-2019 at 08:10 PM.

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    I think you're stressing a bit too much. Which is understandable because you like this guy. To be honest I only see positive signs from this. When guys only want sex or a fling, they would not be going on nice daytime dates, they would try to as quickly as possible ask you to come over to their place or go to your place. I've done a lot of online dating and so have my friends, so I know, trust me lol

    Also the fact that he was hanging out with his friends, but still replying to you is probably a good sign. If he wasn't that into you, he probably wouldn't reply at all or would just say: "Sorry I'm with my friends now but I'll get back to you later".

    He may not be texting you all the time because in the early stages of dating that's not really required. It's good to take it slow in the beginning and act more casual about it, so he may be doing that. He might not even know exactly what his intentions are himself because he's still getting to know you. I wouldn't think he's only after sex though because he hasn't tried to do anything sexual or touchy at all after three dates. He only kissed you once but I think it's OK to kiss by the third date to show that it's not just a friendship.

    I wouldn't ask him what his intentions are because you might come across as too full-on. I would say just keep seeing him and see where things go.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    His intentions? To date you, not be just friends. Kissing you and being a bit flirty after 3 dates doesn't indicate he's a wolf. However after 3 dates no one knows where it's going. All you can do is steer it in the direction you want and what you are comfortable with. Pace yourself. The only person who can hurt you is yourself by moving too fast and expecting too much. It won't become "a fling" unless you let it.

    Never use text response time as an indicator of anything. Stop texting him this much. You build rapport and assess things in person, not through quantity of texts or text response times. In fact anyone who is that glued to a phone, is a red flag that they are clingy or more interested in texting than dating.
    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    we have been on 3 dates which consist of day time activities. The last date he did kiss me which was nice but some of his text messages are bit flirty. He also takes ages to text back sometimes.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Agree with those that are encouraging you to relax, let things unfold, try not to do so much analyzing of his behavior but instead focus on your own developing feelings. Three dates in it makes sense to have a mix of excitement and jitters, things about someone you're into, things that give you pause. Just observe, be in it, and the answers reveal themselves.

    Including those of intentions. Few people ever clearly know this early, so to try to address it can just put too much weight on things.

    If I had to guess, he told you about being with his friends because, like way too many people, he worries that a lapse in text messages will be read as a gauge of his feelings. Wouldn't be surprised if he's encountered someone, or dated someone, who pressured him to text a lot.

    Anyhow, enjoy yourself.

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