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Don’t know what his intentions are


Boo1986

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I met a guy out and he asked me on a date, so far we have been on 3 dates which consist of day time activities (walking and exploring public areas) I know it’s early to ask but I don’t know what his intentions are and I’m worried he may see me as potentially only a fling. The last date he did kiss me which was nice but some of his text messages are bit flirty. He also takes ages to text back sometimes and the other night he said he was at a friends so couldn’t text very much which I found a bit weird, when I’m with my friends I just don’t text back until I’m free but it’s weird he had to tell me that? I know it’s early but I do like him and he gives me butterflies which I haven’t had for a few years so i think I’m worried about potentially getting hurt :( obviously after three dates can’t ask what his intentions are.. what is some advice, just go along and see what happens ?

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I think you probably know. You said so up there already. You're getting the feeling maybe you're just a fling. If the chemistry doesn't feel right, it just isn't.

 

When you were out at those places there would have been plenty of time to engage in some meaningful conversations. What did you find out about him?

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I think you probably know. You said so up there already. You're getting the feeling maybe you're just a fling. If the chemistry doesn't feel right, it just isn't.

 

When you were out at those places there would have been plenty of time to engage in some meaningful conversations. What did you find out about him?

 

Yeh we talked about lots of stuff and he asked me questions about my life and vice versa, the chemistry feels right for me, but that’s cuz I like his personality therefore find him attractive

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Yeh we talked about lots of stuff and he asked me questions about my life and vice versa, the chemistry feels right for me, but that’s cuz I like his personality therefore find him attractive

 

If you trust your gut instincts, give it another shot(fourth date) and see where it goes. Different people move at different speeds. Sometimes subtle nuances like delays in communication early on can be misunderstood. Here's a laugh for you. After my first date with my husband, I dropped my phone into a lake by accident (kayaking) and it went down to the bottom, never saw it again. I had to get it replaced at the store. In that time I made sure to give him a call at his workplace as his phone number was stored in the cellphone. This was odd at the time for him (no woman had ever rang his work, even his ex-wife) but I did and I let him know what happened so he wouldn't worry. His coworkers teased him about it and we laughed about it afterwards. I think he's forgotten about it now.

 

Let things unfold naturally and give people room to come to you.

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If you trust your gut instincts, give it another shot(fourth date) and see where it goes. Different people move at different speeds. Sometimes subtle nuances like delays in communication early on can be misunderstood. Here's a laugh for you. After my first date with my husband, I dropped my phone into a lake by accident (kayaking) and it went down to the bottom, never saw it again. I had to get it replaced at the store. In that time I made sure to give him a call at his workplace as his phone number was stored in the cellphone. This was odd at the time for him (no woman had ever rang his work, even his ex-wife) but I did and I let him know what happened so he wouldn't worry. His coworkers teased him about it and we laughed about it afterwards. I think he's forgotten about it now.

 

Let things unfold naturally and give people room to come to you.

 

Haha that is a funny story - of all the times to drop your phone lol, if you didn’t do that who knows what would of happened! Thank you for your great advice, especially the last sentence I will stick by that, simple but true! Thank you 😊

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If the flirting feels too much for you or is too crude, you need to tell him to tone it down. If he is a gentleman he will.

 

I personally don't have my cell phone on my hand all the time, so at times I realize I have messages from friends hours later. For now, I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

If everything else with him seems okay, then give it some time, how are you both, if you dont mind me asking?

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What do you mean by "flirty"?

 

Do you mean playful teasing or do you mean sexual innuendo?

 

You risk getting hurt with any man you date. Even the ones who appear super interested, are consistent, etc.

 

That's the nature of dating; you have to be willing to take the risk cause there are never ever any guarantees it's going to work out or you won't get hurt.

 

And please don't ask what his intentions are.

 

After only three dates, he probably doesn't even know himself what he wants to happen, with you.

 

Relax, give it time. And have fun!!

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I think you're stressing a bit too much. Which is understandable because you like this guy. To be honest I only see positive signs from this. When guys only want sex or a fling, they would not be going on nice daytime dates, they would try to as quickly as possible ask you to come over to their place or go to your place. I've done a lot of online dating and so have my friends, so I know, trust me lol

 

Also the fact that he was hanging out with his friends, but still replying to you is probably a good sign. If he wasn't that into you, he probably wouldn't reply at all or would just say: "Sorry I'm with my friends now but I'll get back to you later".

 

He may not be texting you all the time because in the early stages of dating that's not really required. It's good to take it slow in the beginning and act more casual about it, so he may be doing that. He might not even know exactly what his intentions are himself because he's still getting to know you. I wouldn't think he's only after sex though because he hasn't tried to do anything sexual or touchy at all after three dates. He only kissed you once but I think it's OK to kiss by the third date to show that it's not just a friendship.

 

I wouldn't ask him what his intentions are because you might come across as too full-on. I would say just keep seeing him and see where things go.

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His intentions? To date you, not be just friends. Kissing you and being a bit flirty after 3 dates doesn't indicate he's a wolf. However after 3 dates no one knows where it's going. All you can do is steer it in the direction you want and what you are comfortable with. Pace yourself. The only person who can hurt you is yourself by moving too fast and expecting too much. It won't become "a fling" unless you let it.

 

Never use text response time as an indicator of anything. Stop texting him this much. You build rapport and assess things in person, not through quantity of texts or text response times. In fact anyone who is that glued to a phone, is a red flag that they are clingy or more interested in texting than dating.

we have been on 3 dates which consist of day time activities. The last date he did kiss me which was nice but some of his text messages are bit flirty. He also takes ages to text back sometimes.
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Agree with those that are encouraging you to relax, let things unfold, try not to do so much analyzing of his behavior but instead focus on your own developing feelings. Three dates in it makes sense to have a mix of excitement and jitters, things about someone you're into, things that give you pause. Just observe, be in it, and the answers reveal themselves.

 

Including those of intentions. Few people ever clearly know this early, so to try to address it can just put too much weight on things.

 

If I had to guess, he told you about being with his friends because, like way too many people, he worries that a lapse in text messages will be read as a gauge of his feelings. Wouldn't be surprised if he's encountered someone, or dated someone, who pressured him to text a lot.

 

Anyhow, enjoy yourself.

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If he's flirting too much for your liking, you're just incompatible.

 

Don't confuse a man wanting to have sex with you, with a man that wants to have a fling. I always wanted to have sex with dates I found attractive. That doesn't mean I just wanted a fling. People go at different speeds. It's always a risk for women because a man may not let his intentions known until it's too late. That's why taking your time is a good idea. If a man is really interested they'll never rush the sex. I suspect the quickness a man wants sex is directly proportional to how quick he will leave afterwards.

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I don't understand why you wouldn't consider the first date to be the right time to ask someone where they stand on dating and relationships, whether they consider themselves to be relationship material, and to disclose where you stand with that as well.

 

It makes no sense to date anyone without learning whether they're dating for the same reasons you are.

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I don't understand why you wouldn't consider the first date to be the right time to ask someone where they stand on dating and relationships, whether they consider themselves to be relationship material, and to disclose where you stand with that as well.

 

It makes no sense to date anyone without learning whether they're dating for the same reasons you are.

 

I know I should of asked, I guess I thought of it as friends until he kissed me and then I didn’t really know how to ask... I don’t want to seem clingy or needy so thought it’s best to go with the flow...

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I know I should of asked, I guess I thought of it as friends until he kissed me and then I didn’t really know how to ask... I don’t want to seem clingy or needy so thought it’s best to go with the flow...

 

There's nothing clingy about putting out there that you really enjoy spending time with him, but you consider yourself to be relationship material, and you'd like to know whether he views himself the same way.

 

Don't date to make 'friends'. Playing it 'cool' is messy kid stuff. Avoid positioning yourself in limbo, trying to read tea leaves about someone else. If he's worth keeping, he won't be put off by some questions. If he IS put off, what should that tell you about him?

 

Head high, and don't conflate self respect with neediness. Being clear about who you are and what you're looking for shouldn't be a tightrope walk--it's a foundational position from which to operate.

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