Jump to content

Right to be concerned by first date’s behaviour?


Koala2018

Recommended Posts

I went on a first date with a guy in mid-March that I met on a dating app. He seemed friendly, nice before we went out - a bit full on with how much he texted but not enough to majorly worry me.

 

On the date he did nothing but talk about himself and dominate the conversation. He ranted about his ex girlfriend whilst telling me repeatedly he was over her, that he was suing her best friend, and that his boss had made him get tested for being a psychopath. He was very keen for a second date but I politely declined - told him we just didn’t click in the way I was looking for but thanks for the drink etc.

 

He proceeded to send me text after text asking me to go to a sports game just as friends which I politely declined saying i wouldn’t want to lead him on. The messages kept coming so I just stopped responding as I had nothing else to say and didn’t want to keep engaging.

 

A week later he texts me at 7:30 in the morning saying we were perfect on paper for each other and why did I reject him? I blocked him at this point as I was getting concerned.

 

Then, 2 days ago, he messages me on the dating app saying “just wanted to say sorry”. I blocked him on there too as I felt he was just trying to get me to interact with him rather than actually apologising.

 

Would you be concerned by this behaviour? I’m hoping it’s over now but it’s the first weird guy I’ve met on online dating and it’s thrown me off!

Link to comment

Scary guy.

 

But I wouldn’t be too concerned, I’ve dealt with men who had a hard time accepting the attraction was one sided but besides moaning it was nothing a block couldn’t fix, all in all they were harmless.

 

If he somehow finds you on social media or figures out your personal information then yes time to be concerned

Link to comment

I'd have been completely freaked by this. I think my guts would have turned over when he said that his boss had made him get tested for being a psychopath, let alone anything beyond that!

 

Don't let this put you off all guys you might meet online, though. You can encounter whackjobs in any walk of life!

Link to comment
I went on a first date with a guy in mid-March that I met on a dating app. He seemed friendly, nice before we went out - a bit full on with how much he texted but not enough to majorly worry me.

 

On the date he did nothing but talk about himself and dominate the conversation. He ranted about his ex girlfriend whilst telling me repeatedly he was over her, that he was suing her best friend, and that his boss had made him get tested for being a psychopath. He was very keen for a second date but I politely declined - told him we just didn’t click in the way I was looking for but thanks for the drink etc.

 

He proceeded to send me text after text asking me to go to a sports game just as friends which I politely declined saying i wouldn’t want to lead him on. The messages kept coming so I just stopped responding as I had nothing else to say and didn’t want to keep engaging.

 

A week later he texts me at 7:30 in the morning saying we were perfect on paper for each other and why did I reject him? I blocked him at this point as I was getting concerned.

 

Then, 2 days ago, he messages me on the dating app saying “just wanted to say sorry”. I blocked him on there too as I felt he was just trying to get me to interact with him rather than actually apologising.

 

Would you be concerned by this behaviour? I’m hoping it’s over now but it’s the first weird guy I’ve met on online dating and it’s thrown me off!

 

Based on the bolded alone, I'd have gone ahead and blocked him.

 

Next time, block and move on sooner.

Link to comment

Yikes! Just keep blocking and keep the messages especially if they get threatening. That’s the advice I got on here about the crazy guys I dated who wouldn’t leave me alone. Luckily I never had to go to the police.

 

Hopefully he gets the hint and won’t keep contacting you.

Link to comment

To be honest, I think you were actually being too polite and too subtle. After you already told him in a nice way that you were not interested in him, I think there was no need to reply any further. Like, when he invited you to a sports game, I think it was fine not to reply. Then when he kept texting you, I think you could have actually said to him something like: "Please stop contacting me, I don't wish to speak to you further." So that it's written down that you asked him to stop. Then if he continues to message you, you can say that you will call the police because he's harassing you. But really after that first date when you rejected him, I think it was fine to block him straight away after that. He sounds really weird and even disturbed.

Link to comment

Fortunately he doesn’t know where I live. When he asked me on a second date he offered to pick me up from my house (I knew already I wasn’t going to go on a second date but even if I was there was no way I was going to let him know my address so soon).

 

My social media footprint is also virtually non-existent which will make it a lot harder for him to track me down. As soon as he started talking my gut told me something was off.

 

I’ve gone on quite a few dating app dates and he’s the first weirdo I’ve met from it.

Link to comment

You did the right thing deleting and blocking him on all social media and messaging apps. Way too many red flags.

He ranted about his ex girlfriend whilst telling me repeatedly he was over her, that he was suing her best friend, and that his boss had made him get tested for being a psychopath.
Link to comment

Concerned as in plenty of reasons not to see him again? Sure.

 

But as FIO said, 99.9% chance the dude's harmless, even if a bit creepy. In fact, most people are. Very, very slim chance you'd become a statistic. Don't be afraid to assert boundaries as you did.

 

And at the risk of coming off borderline victim-blaming, don't assert too hard. I actually think you did just fine. Should you be able to tell a guy off? Sure. Are the odds overwhelmingly that nothing would happen? Sure. Is there any benefit to doing it over simply wearing a smile and blocking them later? Probably not. If you don't have to poke a bear, don't. FWIW, it's a rule I live by as well. Lots of crazy ladies out there just the same.

Link to comment
Fortunately he doesn’t know where I live. When he asked me on a second date he offered to pick me up from my house (I knew already I wasn’t going to go on a second date but even if I was there was no way I was going to let him know my address so soon).

 

My social media footprint is also virtually non-existent which will make it a lot harder for him to track me down. As soon as he started talking my gut told me something was off.

 

I’ve gone on quite a few dating app dates and he’s the first weirdo I’ve met from it.

 

Yeah, let it go. It's just one rotten apple. It doesn't mean they're all like that. I met my husband on a dating app. No big deal. Being as busy as we are there's no way we would have met otherwise and I altered the settings like nobody's business. I will admit that you do need to know yourself and screen screen screen like a mf.

Link to comment
Fortunately he doesn’t know where I live. When he asked me on a second date he offered to pick me up from my house (I knew already I wasn’t going to go on a second date but even if I was there was no way I was going to let him know my address so soon).

 

My social media footprint is also virtually non-existent which will make it a lot harder for him to track me down. As soon as he started talking my gut told me something was off.

 

I’ve gone on quite a few dating app dates and he’s the first weirdo I’ve met from it.

 

Then there’s virtually no concern here.

 

I guess I kinda understand being shaken up, but to be brutally honest if you can’t handle weirdos ( not everyone can) online dating isn’t for you. It’s is unfortunately kinda by design incredibly risky, you are meeting a stranger after all, if after taking the correct precautions, which it sounds like you did, you’re still freaked out, you may just simply not have the stomach for it and that’s ok! It’s not for everyone. Overly eager, unhinged and at times a little crazy men and women is just part of online dating, Heck life... if you don’t trust your own boundaries, take a break. I’m not trying to seem harsh or as jman said victim blame but girl... this is taking up way more mental energy than it should...

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...