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Thread: What's in a name?

  1. #1
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    What's in a name?

    So, my entire life, one thing has been driving me nuts... my name.
    My parents thought it would be fun to give me a super unique hyphenated combination of my mom and my 2 aunt's first name, followed by a middle name that nobody on earth has ever heard of, yet can pronounce. I've had to live with it for 33 years now and I'm done.
    I reached out to my parents to tell them im thinking about changing my name, cited my reasons and asked for their blessing. They said "if it would make you happy, we are A-Okay with it, you are an adult".
    So the following day I submitted the paperwork and changed my name!

    Well today I texted my mom asking for some advice on a financial matter and she informed me we no longer have a relationship, I am to quit contacting her and she is closing the joined savings account we have together (it was for college, I never use it)
    I ignored the texts, and assumed she was drunk again and was just on a bitter immature rant but I am quite hurt she would basically disown her daughter for trying to be happier and live a better life.

    For the record, I'm 33, married, own a house and live 4 hours away from my family.

    What do I do?

  2. #2
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think your mother's hurt is quite temporary. I wouldn't worry about it.

    Give her some time. You DID run it by her before you did it. It's not like you did it behind her back and then tried to hide it from her.

    Did you put any money into the joint savings account?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I ignored the texts, and assumed she was drunk again and was just on a bitter immature rant
    You might be better off answering the email and just telling her thanks for the divorce. Just kidding ... but only about actually emailing her.

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    why would someone do this to a child? I can see saving a creative name or a really out of date name that was your great grandma's or a middle name - but an outlandish name out front?

    In all fairness, I think mom was shocked - because "I am thinking about doing" something and "i am doing something" are different. "i am thinking about moving to China" usually does not mean you have a plane ticket dated tomorrow. It usually means that you are mulling it over and want to field input -- it might be 6 months from now - it might be 6 years from now, it might be something you decide against. You are weighing the pros and cons. It probably was a big shock that it turned out that you were not just thinking -- you already had an appointment to have it done the next day. It was a done deal and the conversation was just basically a warning

    Let mom get over the shock and surprise -- it may be that she never thought you were serious. or she might not have had time to let it percolate.
    She very well may come around

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I changed my first name because it is hyphenated. I changed it 30 years ago. At first my mom was insulted but she got over it. I keep the name I given as my legal name.

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    Ya, theres about 1000 in it. It's been my "emergency savings" account.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not sure why you would ask your mother who is prone to substance (alcohol) abuse for financial advice. Leave her alone to sort through her own issues. Extremes in nature rarely last. She'll come around. Just keep her at a safe distance and sort out your own problems regarding your finances.

    I wouldn't be bothered too much about her reaction only because it seems there are bigger issues at play here (alcoholism and unpredictable personality).

  9. #8
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    You were kind to even let your mother know about your desire to change your name, but you know what? You're an adult, and you don't need her permission to do anything. She's the one acting like she's your child with her behavior.

    She's doing you a favor in closing this account, which frankly, should have been closed a decade ago. As an adult, you no longer should have a financial tie to her anyway.

    If she wants to disown you, let her. She's the one who loses here, not you. You lose an alcoholic who has tied you to her financially with a pittance of an account, and saddled you for a lifetime with a difficult name. She loses an amazing daughter and son-in-law. When people want to storm away like this, let 'em. I don't care that it's your mother. She's acting like a 4 year-old.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    why would someone do this to a child? I can see saving a creative name or a really out of date name that was your great grandma's or a middle name - but an outlandish name out front?

    In all fairness, I think mom was shocked - because "I am thinking about doing" something and "i am doing something" are different. "i am thinking about moving to China" usually does not mean you have a plane ticket dated tomorrow. It usually means that you are mulling it over and want to field input -- it might be 6 months from now - it might be 6 years from now, it might be something you decide against. You are weighing the pros and cons. It probably was a big shock that it turned out that you were not just thinking -- you already had an appointment to have it done the next day. It was a done deal and the conversation was just basically a warning

    Let mom get over the shock and surprise -- it may be that she never thought you were serious. or she might not have had time to let it percolate.
    She very well may come around
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    You might be better off answering the email and just telling her thanks for the divorce. Just kidding ... but only about actually emailing her.
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'm not sure why you would ask your mother who is prone to substance (alcohol) abuse for financial advice. Leave her alone to sort through her own issues. Extremes in nature rarely last. She'll come around. Just keep her at a safe distance and sort out your own problems regarding your finances.

    I wouldn't be bothered too much about her reaction only because it seems there are bigger issues at play here (alcoholism and unpredictable personality).
    She is a bank manager, that's why 🙄

  11. #10
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    There are plenty of bank managers that don't happen to be related to you, I'm sure. Try a different one or a different bank.

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