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Thread: What's in a name?

  1. #11
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by OneLoneClone
    Ya, theres about 1000 in it. It's been my "emergency savings" account.
    Is your name on the account? If so, you can take her to small claims court.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I have a weird first name and I have ALWAYS hated it. I should have changed it at age 18 when I could legally have done so, but I didnt. My mother loved my name. It's old English, I've only ever met one other person with the same name. It's caused me much grief. Years ago my husband said - it's too late to change it now - like I am too old to do that! I should have ignored him too!

    Bottom line is you are free to call yourself whatever you want to. Your mother's drinking problem is likely at the root of her anger to your audacity to change your name, even tho you told her about it. Just move on with your life, give her time to calm down. Like other people here I think she'll get over it, and if she doesnt, it's her loss. I hope you are happy with your new name.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get into therapy and learn about boundaries and resulting issues with alcoholic/dysfunctional families. Several all unnecessary ties with your mother. be polite, kind yet do not get sucked into hatred and craziness and this over enmeshment you've had for way too long. Get to some Al anon meetings to help you cope with how to stop the vicious cycle you and she have been in. Especially make sure you aren't drinking.

    Stop focusing on petty nonsense such as you don't like your given name. Who cares? You could have used a nickname or changed it, years ago. It's bizarre that you still have joint accounts, claim she's a drunk and your worst concern is that you finally legally changed your name?
    Originally Posted by OneLoneClone
    she is closing the joined savings account we have together
    assumed she was drunk again
    For the record, I'm 33, married, own a house

  4. #14
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    I have the opposite problem. My first name is so common that there were always 4 or 5 of us with the same name in every class and I regularly get emails at work that are not meant for me. I am regularly referred to as FirstName FirstLetterOfLastName. Or simply by my last name. It’s annoying.

    Anyways - it’s clear that your mother is hurt.

    Personally, I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t escalate further and make it more of a thing. Like a child, I would simply ignore her tantrum. Give her space. Let her get over it. When you call to catch up, ask to speak to your dad for a while. This too shall pass. I just wouldn’t feed any more energy into it than has to be. You are entitled to change your name.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RedDress
    Let her get over it.
    Agreed. Mostly due to the question of alcoholism or sobriety and whatever instability this causes in personality.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Give her time and space. She'll come around eventually. If she doesn't, then live your own settled life.

    She's an alcoholic with a volatile temperament. Her mindset is unstable. If she cannot and will not accept your choices in life, it's her problem, not yours. You go on and continue as you've always done with your marriage, home life and live it. It's to your advantage that you're 4 hrs apart. Geography is in your favor. Being close is way overrated not to mention the risk of unnecessary drama.

    You don't have to please anyone including your mother.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I would send this message in quotes, "...if it would make you happy, we are A-Okay with it, you are an adult...". Followed by, "I love you, and my door remains open if you decide to stand by your word."

  9. 04-17-2019, 06:48 AM

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