Porn watcher

I just found out my boyfriend has been lying to me about his porn watching. He came up with a strict rule that there was to be no porn watching. I liked to watch porn bc he wasnt fully satisfying but after a talk he has improved so much I dont really find the need to watch any more. But for him to come up with a rule that we cant watch porn yet I find put he has been...what are peoples thoights on this? Im thinking hes a total jerk and thats unnaceptable. I already have a lot of self esteem issues from the cheating hes done a long time ago so lying isnt an option...yet hes lying about the little things. Makes me wonder what else hes lying about. Help please!

First of all, you shouldn’t have allowed him to make any kind of “strict rule” in the first place. A partner shouldn’t ever be giving you rules.

Second of all, what you and he do in your private alone time really isn’t the other’s business. Why don’t you just NOT ask questions that you don’t want the answer to (ie: “You went to bed early last night, did you masturbate and watch porn?”)?

Third, what else is he lying about? I typically tend to think lying about porn isn’t a big deal, because the person shouldn’t have asked, it’s not their business. It’s always a loaded question and usually leads to arguments, like your situation.

Is he controlling in other ways, too? Because that's what this is. He says you can't do something, but then turns around and does it himself. That's troubling behavior

Im thinking hes a total jerk and thats unnaceptable.

Well you answered your own question there^^

People will, in general, always give their opinions based on their own experiences and beliefs so that is obviously yours*

If that's how you feel then that's how you feel*

I already have a lot of self esteem issues from the cheating hes done a long time ago so lying isnt an option...yet hes lying about the little things. Makes me wonder what else hes lying about. Help please!

And um, cheating? Hmm that's a big one to overcome and is obviously a big red flag for the relationship as a whole....I think it plays a huge part in why you are now rightly wondering what else he's lying about...I'm so sorry....

You have some decisions to make*

Carus*

Well you answered your own question there^^

 

People will, in general, always give their opinions based on their own experiences and beliefs so that is obviously yours*

 

If that's how you feel then that's how you feel*

 

And um, cheating? Hmm that's a big one to overcome and is obviously a big red flag for the relationship as a whole....I think it plays a huge part in why you are now rightly wondering what else he's lying about...I'm so sorry....

 

You have some decisions to make*

 

Carus*

I second caurus.

I also wonder about control issues.

What options are you considering?

Is leaving on the table?

So are you looking for someone to talk you out of leaving? or are you looking for someone to convince you to leave?

The double-standard and dishonesty would make me angry, yes.

A question, though: did he know you previously watched porn because, as you say, he wasn't satisfying you?

I just found out my boyfriend has been lying to me about his porn watching. He came up with a strict rule that there was to be no porn watching. I liked to watch porn bc he wasnt fully satisfying but after a talk he has improved so much I dont really find the need to watch any more. But for him to come up with a rule that we cant watch porn yet I find put he has been...what are peoples thoights on this? Im thinking hes a total jerk and thats unnaceptable. I already have a lot of self esteem issues from the cheating hes done a long time ago so lying isnt an option...yet hes lying about the little things. Makes me wonder what else hes lying about. Help please!

What did he say when you asked him why he can while he expects you not to? He's a liar, he's a cheater, he's controlling and he doesn't satisfy you sexually (oh, but he is getting better at it) is what I got out of your one paragraph about him. Why stay with what appears to be a real turd of a partner?

I'm not sure why you're so offended by this if you don't watch porn anymore. He's the one who's got the porn problem. Obviously he's imposing this rule out of guilt and other negative feelings. I wouldn't get too worked up over this -it's got very little to do with you and he's just self-regulating. Just smile and nod and support him in his cause.

I've always been under the impression that porn use was more of a personal "me time" kind of thing and as long as their isnt any addiction, its natural behavior. He's just your boyfriend, not your husband. He hasn't committed his life to you like that, him watching porn or wanting alone time to "do things" himself shouldn't be anything threatening to you. Some people masturbate just to sleep at night or release some stress. I would say it's a form of self care.

As for him not being satisfied? Perhaps he has sexual interests that aren't being played out because you're both "not there" yet and he's actually respecting you by masturbating because he could be picking at you for sex everytime the mood strikes. He's clearly realized that he can't just have sex with you everytime HE feels like he's in the mood and for both of you guy's sanity, he's going to need to take matters into his own hands every once in a while.

If this was a marriage I'd see how this would be troubling but since he's your boyfriend, I would say he's just being human and tending to his own needs.

The only time this should bother you is if he chooses porn over a sexual encounter with you.

I can’t speak for the OPer obviously but I think she was saying the reason for her frustration is because he requested they both stop watching porn while he cheated and is now sneaking and watching it. I don’t think the OPer is concerned with him watching necessarily but his hypocrisy

It is troubling that you are with someone who is a liar, cheat and hypocrite. Do you not think you can find someone of more value?

I've always been under the impression that porn use was more of a personal "me time" kind of thing and as long as their isnt any addiction, its natural behavior. He's just your boyfriend, not your husband. He hasn't committed his life to you like that, him watching porn or wanting alone time to "do things" himself shouldn't be anything threatening to you. Some people masturbate just to sleep at night or release some stress. I would say it's a form of self care.

 

As for him not being satisfied? Perhaps he has sexual interests that aren't being played out because you're both "not there" yet and he's actually respecting you by masturbating because he could be picking at you for sex everytime the mood strikes. He's clearly realized that he can't just have sex with you everytime HE feels like he's in the mood and for both of you guy's sanity, he's going to need to take matters into his own hands every once in a while.

 

If this was a marriage I'd see how this would be troubling but since he's your boyfriend, I would say he's just being human and tending to his own needs.

 

The only time this should bother you is if he chooses porn over a sexual encounter with you.

She said, she was not satisfied, not him. Also, he was the one that did not her to watch the porn, by establishing a rule. He is a hypocrite.

Sorry if my response is drastic but between the cheating and this porn business, I personally would be thinking of ending the relationship. Because basically it sounds like he just wants to do whatever he pleases, but keep you on a tight leash. Cheating is disrespectful and so is telling you to stop watching porn, then watching it himself. I wouldn't be sticking around too much longer to be honest.

Porn has nothing to do with this. Look at the big picture of his deceitfulness and cheating. Stop policing each other's sexuality. It's ridiculous.

The biggest problem you have is tolerating his cheating, lying and manipulative, controlling behavior..You are with someone who is untrustworthy and that will be an unhappy situation if you stay.

He came up with a strict rule that there was to be no porn watching.

I already have a lot of self esteem issues from the cheating hes done

hes lying about the little things. Makes me wonder what else hes lying about.

I am so sorry you were cheated on before and it has caused self-esteem issues. When my husband watched porn it made me feel bad about myself. One day I was listening to bott radio network and they referred to it as virtual infidelity and that made sense to me. Have you considered asking your boyfriend to see a counselor with you? My husband and I talked to our pastor and we saw a Christian counselor. Both were supportive and offered good, sound advice. Do you have anyone like that in your life that you can talk to? They may be able to help you too. :) I will be praying for you this week, for God‘s direction and for peace with your decisions. Hugs!

Watching porn is not uncommon at all. Well, internet statistics show that more than 50 million people watch pornography every month.

I'm not sure why you're so offended by this if you don't watch porn anymore. He's the one who's got the porn problem. Obviously, he's imposing this rule out of guilt and other negative feelings. I wouldn't get too worked up over this -it's got very little to do with you and he's just self-regulating. Just smile and nod and support him in his cause. I am sure he is masturbating looking at those videos. Surprise him with a masturbation lube and this will work as a medicine for him.

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