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Thread: Caught Between a Rock and Hard place

  1. #1
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    Caught Between a Rock and Hard place

    Hello again,

    A quick intro. I am newly 'single' after being with a woman for a little over 3 years. The split wasn't awful. I am following my dream of flying sailplanes (gliders) at a soaring club. When 'we' joined 2 years ago, things at that time of course was good. Now, we're broken up. My dilema is we both belong to this soaring club. We both work during the week. So, trying to coordinate when she wants to go and when I do. Of course weather has a lot to do with any weekend.

    In a email to her, I suggested that she send an email to the club saying she would be there on either Saturday or Sunday. Since I am on the same email distribution list, I would get it. Well, she refused to do that. So, I then sent another email saying that she could text my sister and my sister would inform me of her intent. But, she rejected that. I then replied back saying (I was pissed by this time) saying, "OK, I will be a MAN here and I will text YOU when I plan on going. Ok?" Exact words I used.

    Now, after almost 2 weeks of being apart, I have implemented "radio silence". Deleted her phone # from my contacts, blocked her number. And completed removed her off of my facebook. Unfriended, blocked and blocked some of her friends/family. So, ZERO contact if I can. But now, since we both belong to this club, and I refuse to contact her for any reason so I can heal, how in the hell is this doable? I certainly don't to go their and run in to her. And, in of my emails I did mention that if she brought a "Special Guest" to inform me. She replied "That's fair - it works both ways".

    I do not under any circumstances want to text, call, email her for anything. If we text each other notifying of what days we'll be at the gliderpoint, the zero contact is null and void. I want her to really think, not doing it to play games but really for to think I simply disappeared of the face of the earth.

    On a side note, the both of us are not young kids. We are middle aged....

  2. #2
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    So you had to post this thread again? wasn't the advice given on your last one appropriate? I doubt you are going to get different answers.
    After a breakup there is always an adjustment period. The do's and don't and boundaries set between you two to keep things civil. As time goes on this will be meaningless as you both won't even be thinking about it anymore.
    To put it bluntly, you are just gonna have to suck it up, and go forward.

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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    So you had to post this thread again? wasn't the advice given on your last one appropriate? I doubt you are going to get different answers.
    After a breakup there is always an adjustment period. The do's and don't and boundaries set between you two to keep things civil. As time goes on this will be meaningless as you both won't even be thinking about it anymore.
    To put it bluntly, you are just gonna have to suck it up, and go forward.
    Yep, I did. I wanted to walk with no contact. I suggested ways we could handle this. I don't want any contact. I can deal with her, at some point. Not now. And I refuse to step a side and 'wait it' out.

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    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Then just put on a brave face and enjoy your hobby whether she's there or not.

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    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skysurfer
    Yep, I did. I wanted to walk with no contact. I suggested ways we could handle this. I don't want any contact. I can deal with her, at some point. Not now. And I refuse to step a side and 'wait it' out.
    That's your problem - not hers. Find a new club if it's intolerable to be around her.

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    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I guess she's still not behaving in the way you want her to even as an ex. It was a bit unnecessary to force her to email everyone, SS. You mentioned suggesting it but then you got angry and sent a very antagonistic response when she refused to do what you asked which sort of implies that you weren't suggesting anything. You were really demanding that she follow what you say. While I don't think your request is unreasonable, maybe she just resents the fact that you're telling her what to do. I agree with you - stop contacting her or expecting her to do what you want her to do. It's not going to get any easier for you this way. Hope things calm down soon and you get to enjoy your hobby more.

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    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    You can't expect people to do as you request.

    This is YOU who is trying to heal, while you continue enjoying your hobby. If this is really bugging you and you got nowhere with her, why not take a break?

    I am not sure how your club works of if this is something seasonal but I would take a couple of months off the club and focus on ME... I'm sure there are other things you could do if this is bothering you that much.

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    Do you live in a very small town where there is no other place like this that you can join? If there is any other place like this not ridiculously far away then my only advice is just to go there. The thing is that if she contacts your sister or you get her E-mails about her gliding schedule, then that's not exactly "No contact", is it? No contact would be for you to never get ANY messages from her. So I think even in order to truly move on you need to really cut her off in every aspect.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You do not need her permission/approval to show up at this club and do whatever you want with whomever you want. She doesn't need your approval either. Simply go and do whatever you want. If you run into her be polite and then go about your business. Stop trying to control her because 'you need to heal".
    Originally Posted by skysurfer
    in of my emails I did mention that if she brought a "Special Guest" to inform me.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    It's pretty common for people to need to navigate public places after a breakup. This doesn't mean contacting the ex under the guise of no contact, it means doing whatever it takes to either cater to your own sensitivities or learn how to desensitize over time.

    We all grew up needing to share classrooms or campuses or shared circles of friends with exes during our school years. It's training for adult life, except as adults we have more choices, such a moving our memberships to different places or developing a convenient case of amnesia that allows us to treat exes as kindly as we would a stranger should our paths cross.

    This stuff is on you, not ex, to figure out.

    Head high, you can do this.

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