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Thread: Want to leave husband but don't want to break his heart and hurt our son

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2019
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    Want to leave husband but don't want to break his heart and hurt our son

    Hi all,

    I have no one to talk to about this and really need to get this off my chest and see if anyone has any advice?

    I have been with my husband for 15 years (I'm 33) married for 8 years and we have a 14 year old son together.

    As you may have noticed I got pregnant very young very quickly. We decided to give it a go together. I was going to leave him before I realised I was pregnant! Husband is the kindest most gentle laid back man. He is quite lazy and ignorant, but has never hurt me whatsoever. I have never found him attractive, I found his personality attractive.

    He is so laid back it is impossible to argue with him! He's just very passive and evasive/ignorant.

    Past few years I have started to look at other men. I am missing something in our relationship, that spark. I feel that I love him so very much, but not the way a wife should. I'm not IN love with him and don't think I ever have been!!

    He doesn't light the fire in my belly! I shudder and pull away if he tries to kiss me, be intimate, but I do do my wifely duties but do imagine he's someone else!!

    I've thought about this for hours on end, I've pictured him kissing another woman, and I feel nothing. If anything, I say good, he deserves someone who loves him the way he loves me.

    We own our own home and I am the main earner but we split everything 50/50.

    I love our family life together, we have holidays planned with friends and we like similar things. I don't want to be in a sexual relationship with him anymore but I don't want to take his home and family life away from him.

    I've always thought to myself over the years, I'll wait till our son is 16 and I'll go.

    But, my husband has nowhere to go? His useless father wouldn't have him. I don't want to take my son away from him but I am living a lie. I truly care about him, he is my best friend but, emotionally and sexually, I feel nothing.

    I don't know what to do :(

    I'm going to ruin everything but I am missing out on a real love?

    Sorry this is so long xx

  2. #2
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    Well, I'll be curious to read the responses here.

    My wife said all the exact same things about me when she started cheating on me and we split. Now I'm destroyed.

  3. #3

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    Nickel, I'm so sorry to read this. Don't get me wrong, my husband is a wonderful man. I'm not trying to replace him. I've never been on my own! Left school, baby in college here we are lol.

    That's the thing, this will break his heart and I don't want to do that but I am living a lie and am a bit dead on the inside :(

  4. #4
    Gold Member
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    Originally Posted by JValentine
    Nickel, I'm so sorry to read this. Don't get me wrong, my husband is a wonderful man. I'm not trying to replace him. I've never been on my own! Left school, baby in college here we are lol.

    That's the thing, this will break his heart and I don't want to do that but I am living a lie and am a bit dead on the inside :(
    Well, from the other perspective... Have you tried talking to him about what is bothering you? I was completely blind-sided with no chance to fix anything. That made it so much worse.

    Is there anything he can do to reignite your attraction? Maybe he needs to get out more and have his own life? Etc.

    What is it you see in these other men other than something new?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Heed what NS said... if you cheat you will ruin his life. Sticking your head in the sand is not serving you any purpose.... you need to face this and communicate how you feel with him. If you aren't interested in being in a relationship with him say so... and do it now before you break his heart and while it's possible for you to leave things in an amicable way.

  7. #6

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    He goes out to the gym and nights out with friends, sports etc. We have great separate lives as well as joint things.

    Twice I've tried to say I cant do this anymore and hes been broken and then I feel bad for him and say "but it's ok, we'll be ok" then its forgotten about.

    I think he knows something's wrong. He did ask me the other day if we're ok. And I just said yes.

    I don't think I'll ever find him attractive, I cant think I can reignite a fire that was never there. I'm depriving him of someone who will love him like he loves me. I just don't want to ruin his and our sons life in the process.

    Is there such a think as a friendly amicable divorce? Help :(

  8. #7
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    JV, I was in the same position. 16 years of marriage, two boys, and I felt like I was in prison. I too used to hope he would find someone who was more suited (and he actually later found someone who was perfect for him).

    Will it be painful to leave him? You bet. Will you feel guilty? Absolutely. Will he get over it and move on with his life? ABSOLUTELY. He's a grown man.

    My advice would be to stay single for a VERY long time and enjoy your life.

  9. #8

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    I would not cheat on him. I've tried before and he's been devastated, I feel sorry for him and say everything will be ok!

  10. #9

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    Tried to tell him I mean.

  11. #10

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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    JV, I was in the same position. 16 years of marriage, two boys, and I felt like I was in prison. I too used to hope he would find someone who was more suited (and he actually later found someone who was perfect for him).

    Will it be painful to leave him? You bet. Will you feel guilty? Absolutely. Will he get over it and move on with his life? ABSOLUTELY. He's a grown man.

    My advice would be to stay single for a VERY long time and enjoy your life.
    Thank you Sarah, how did you do it if you don't mind me asking?? I plan on staying single for a very long time!!

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