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Thread: I broke up with my bf. But why is it so painful?

  1. #1

    I broke up with my bf. But why is it so painful?

    I apologize in advance about my ramblings. I broke up with my bf because I feel like friends who love each other. I should mention he is my first bf and first love. I care for him greatly. But I wasn't attracted to him anymore in a romantic way, no spark as they say. I tried so very hard to make it work. To say it's all in my head, you're being crazy for about a year now. But that only sent me into a downward spiral of depression. I knew the truth but denied it. I guess I hoped I was crazy and things would change/get better. but they didnt, I knew it would be hard and hurt but it had to be done. It's not fair to either of us to continue like this. But why does it hurt so much? Is it because hes my first everything? I know they say first breakup/love/relationship is the hardest but d.mn. at the same time I truly do know this is the right thing, I'm sad and hurt but also i feel a weight has been lifted(not quite relief but close maybe similair?) and itll get easier but why is it this way? Anyone else experience this? I guess I just need to talk to someone.? Yes I did post another thread on if I should breakup with him. I guess I wanted advice? I knew/know I had to do this but wanted others opinion? I dont know.

  2. #2
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    This is normal. Just give it time, and stay busy. Eventually, it will pass.

    Where are you living? Who moved?

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    Originally Posted by Blutengel199
    I truly do know this is the right thing, I'm sad and hurt but also i feel a weight has been lifted(not quite relief but close maybe similair?) and itll get easier but why is it this way?
    I pulled this off a webpage somewhere, so drop the quote in google and it'll take you there:

    The honeymoon period tends to last anywhere between 6 months and a year. The relationship still feels fresh and exciting, and you're constantly learning new things about each other and having first experiences together. But there comes a point when suddenly you've done all that stuff together already. You feel like you know your partner inside out. And then the unthinkable happens: you feel bored. That person that was so exciting a few short months ago is suddenly there every day. And it feels like they've been there every day for an awfully long time. There's no more rush from seeing them, because you're always seeing them. Boredom leads to questioning your feelings. Surely if you still felt as strongly for them, you wouldn't feel bored! Nothing else has changed, so it must be your feelings for them.

    You are hurting because you still have feelings.

    I knew it would be hard and hurt but it had to be done.
    No it didn't have to be done, what needed to be done is for you to work on the relationship in the post honeymoon stage.

    I suggest you learn from this and don't make the same mistake again.

  4. #4
    I've been with him 5 years. Were well past that. I did work on it. I tried very hard to get that spark back. I clinged on to that hope that things would change. I'd feel that attraction again, but it wasn't there. And I was only hurting myself and him.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    I pulled this off a webpage somewhere, so drop the quote in google and it'll take you there:

    The honeymoon period tends to last anywhere between 6 months and a year. The relationship still feels fresh and exciting, and you're constantly learning new things about each other and having first experiences together. But there comes a point when suddenly you've done all that stuff together already. You feel like you know your partner inside out. And then the unthinkable happens: you feel bored. That person that was so exciting a few short months ago is suddenly there every day. And it feels like they've been there every day for an awfully long time. There's no more rush from seeing them, because you're always seeing them. Boredom leads to questioning your feelings. Surely if you still felt as strongly for them, you wouldn't feel bored! Nothing else has changed, so it must be your feelings for them.

    You are hurting because you still have feelings.



    No it didn't have to be done, what needed to be done is for you to work on the relationship in the post honeymoon stage.

    I suggest you learn from this and don't make the same mistake again.
    I suggest you go back and read her other thread. Her relationship was long over.

  7. #6
    Were making arrangements. We have to break our lease. But he said if I want to leave now I can or if i want him to leave he will.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Blutengel199
    Were making arrangements. We have to break our lease. But he said if I want to leave now I can or if i want him to leave he will.

    Glad to hear it is not ugly.

    Good luck!

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    Originally Posted by Blutengel199
    I've been with him 5 years. Were well past that. I did work on it. I tried very hard to get that spark back. I clinged on to that hope that things would change. I'd feel that attraction again, but it wasn't there. And I was only hurting myself and him.
    The initial "spark"/attraction doesn't come back. The relationship evolves into comfortable love.

    Anyway, now that you have ended it, you are free to go and find that sparky feeling with someone else. You might not want to dive in to quickly, after 5 years, though.

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I suggest you go back and read her other thread. Her relationship was long over.
    She has another thread?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    She has another thread?
    Yes. Check her history.

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