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Thread: Want to leave husband but don't want to break his heart and hurt our son

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by relevart
    I get that some people are going to disagree with me. That's fine. I disagree very much that there is anything sexist in my feelings. I just understand what this man will go through as the father in a divorce. Like I said, weekends and a dinner here and there is never enough. The worst feeling I ever felt was just after dropping my kids off at their moms. That is a drive I would never want another man to face without a very good reason. Adultery and abuse of any kid are very good reasons.

    Also, staying in bed all day can be a sign there is a medical problem somewhere, Low T, depression or something we can only speculate abut

    Oh, yeah, my marriage didn't work because my ex cheated on me. But I'm sure that was my fault.
    Good grief! Your situation is not hers.

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Good grief! Your situation is not hers.
    I never said it was.

    I thought this was an advice forum. We should all want different perspectives. What good does it do if no one shares a differing opinion? I have given mine and tried to be respectful while doing it.

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Good for you valentine.

    Shame on male posters who are angry and saying to her what they want to say to their ex wives.

    She is not your ex!!!!!

    RELEVANT and NICKEL yíall both know full well what led to the end of your marriage, stop with the sexist victimhood, and statistics have show children would rather be from a broken home than in one, stop with this sexist idea that a woman is letting her children down if she doesnít sacrifice her happiness for others.

    OPer you have to do whatís best for you. I do think you should communicate your mindset with your husband first and if you two can get through this via therapy excellent. If not... youíre right you both deserve someone who loves and respects you.

    Be warned though the grass isnít always greener!!!! You never got to expierience being single and free you were pregnant and married very young, once you get it out of your system you may realize what you have actually is what you want. Itís a double edged sword for sure. Be fully ready when you make your choice.

    Your mindset isnít a male or female thing MANY go through this, most arenít with their high school sweethearts simply because they quickly outgrew that phase of their life.


    Don't group me with him. I said none of the things in bold.

    I know what led to the end of my marriage, that is why I am trying to help their marriage if she thinks it's possible.


    My first piece of advice was open communication. My next piece of advice was counseling.



    I also told her to move on and to not cheat if she didn't think it was possible.


    Once again, you are only reading what you want to read. You really are a piece of work. That's not a compliment.
    You want to rub the end of my marriage in my face while I'm trying to give advice? You honestly should feel ashamed.

  4. #44
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    FIGURE.... Every piece of advice you tried to give was advice I already gave. Communicate. Grass isn't always greener. Etc.

    So you agreed with what I said and then put words in my mouth that I never said just to attack me? EXCUSE ME???

    I'd very much appreciate it if you would keep your personal distaste for me out of all future threads.

  5.  

  6. #45
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed

    Once again, you are only reading what you want to read. You really are a piece of work. That'

    You want to rub the end of my marriage in my face while I'm trying to give advice? You honestly should feel ashamed.
    I donít feel shame for cheeeing on a poster for defending herself against guilt trips. Youíre right he was worse but you did it too. Just more subtly. You feel Iím projecting but thatís exactly what you did to her which is what my response states.

    I donít dislike you. I think youíre in pain and lash out when challenged, but I donít have anything against you. I found the verbiage and guilting used was incredibly sexist so I stated as much. Nothing against you personally, I meant what I said.

  7. #46
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by relevart
    I never said it was.

    I thought this was an advice forum. We should all want different perspectives. What good does it do if no one shares a differing opinion? I have given mine and tried to be respectful while doing it.
    You were not respectful, you insinuated, no wait that was the other poster, you flat out said she was being selfish because sheís unhappy in her marriage and wants a divorce, you told her she was failing her children and put the whole coparenting system on her shoulders.

    Youíre projecting your pain onto her.

    She states she already feels guilt, which honestly she shouldnít.

    That was the point of my response, NO ONE man or woman should feel guilty for leaving a situation they are unhappy in. No one.

    Should they think seriously before they make that decision? Absolutely! Should they consider counseling to make sure itís the right decision? Yes! But feel guilt? Absolutely not.

  8. #47
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    Umm...thanks very much for the input guys. Really don't want to get in a slanging match. Hubby is home and is funny and loving self as usual. I feel guilty for feeling I want to leave him and we're all happy families chatting over dinner. Will mull it over.

  9. #48
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JValentine
    Umm...thanks very much for the input guys. Really don't want to get in a slanging match. Hubby is home and is funny and loving self as usual. I feel guilty for feeling I want to leave him and we're all happy families chatting over dinner. Will mull it over.
    So you didnít actually mean anything you said?

    Awesome! Marriage saved! Good for you...I think... 🤔

  10. #49
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    I second what FIO wrote -I am glad it's all worked out, that it was all in your head. Enjoy your family!

  11. #50
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    JValentine, why don't you seek out some private counseling of your own. It will help you put things into perspective before you make any decisions, and also give you some tools in how to communicate to your husband about your feelings in a more constructive way.

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