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Thread: Want to leave husband but don't want to break his heart and hurt our son

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by JValentine
    I was just explaining a few bad points he has. Nobodies perfect! I have bad points too. To be fair you're right, he's not my best friend, I cant talk to him about anything and everything, because he's not listening and doesn't care anyway.

    Ha! Smug! Odd. I had an unplanned child at 18, I did not plan on a family unit to be smug about to unmarried people!

    I deserve a man who respects me. I do not get that currently.
    Oh I understand why you married him but you also say you love doing the family stuff -yes, my point was it's easier that way for sure -to do the family stuff, be part of the married family club - but easier doesn't mean it's right for your family. I'm sorry if I was too harsh. I understand you weren't using protection properly or at all and got pregnant -it happens - many children are not planned. Some raise the child as a single parent,others put the baby up for adoption, others settle for marriage "for the child." You decided not to marry until your son was older and you were older -so I am a bit confused as to why you married him once you were an adult, especially.

    You deserve a man who respects you and a man deserves your respect too. So I agree this is not a good match.

    It didn't come across as you just explaining a few flaws so thanks for clarifying!

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by JValentine
    I deserve a man who respects me. I do not get that currently.
    Your kid deserve a loving father under the same room. You keep saying you had an unplanned pregnancy. OK, so be it. It takes two to tango though. That kid is your responsibility, too. Too many people rush into divorce thinking only about themselves.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by relevart
    Your kid deserve a loving father under the same room. You keep saying you had an unplanned pregnancy. OK, so be it. It takes two to tango though. That kid is your responsibility, too. Too many people rush into divorce thinking only about themselves.
    But the role model she is giving her son is that the father is not respected or admired or loved.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by relevart
    Your kid deserve a loving father under the same room. You keep saying you had an unplanned pregnancy. OK, so be it. It takes two to tango though. That kid is your responsibility, too. Too many people rush into divorce thinking only about themselves.
    You are a very bitter, broken man by the sounds of it. So I should live with my sons caring loving father even though it makes me unbelievably sad and lonely? I have done that for the last 5 years!! I think I have given enough!! Two to tango, agreed. I am our sons majority caregiver by a good 90%!! I do everything whilst me husband is in bed or watching football!!

    I think you are very wrong here. I've had a long time to think about this. There is no rushing!!

    If I was thinking of only myself I would have left 14 years ago!

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    But the role model she is giving her son is that the father is not respected or admired or loved.
    I treat my husband normally. In front of our son or not, I treat him as a human being?! No different. I keep this shi* inside

  7. 04-11-2019, 01:38 PM

  8. #26
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    Originally Posted by JValentine
    I treat my husband normally. In front of our son or not, I treat him as a human being?! No different. I keep this shi* inside
    The children always know. Do not kid yourself on that (no pun intended). In addition to knowing this to the core forever and ever I've seen many many examples of this with my own son who is 10.

  9. #27
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    Originally Posted by JValentine
    I was just explaining a few bad points he has. Nobodies perfect! I have bad points too. To be fair you're right, he's not my best friend, I cant talk to him about anything and everything, because he's not listening and doesn't care anyway.

    Ha! Smug! Odd. I had an unplanned child at 18, I did not plan on a family unit to be smug about to unmarried people!

    I deserve a man who respects me. I do not get that currently.
    Then communicate this and how he can do better. Open communication is key. People grow in relationships if given the chance...

    Or you can just say.. "No.. That's too hard" and move on. You expect him to already be doing this, and maybe he should. Considering he didn't have very much life experience before you however, he likely never had to learn the hard lessons about being complacent in previous relationships.

    You may find him turn into a man you actually love. Don't confuse lust with love. The grass isn't always greener.

  10. #28
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by relevart
    My wife left me when my kids were 14 and 15. It's a horrible time to leave a father without ghis children and children without their father. High school is hard enough as it is, but by all means, go for it since you don't feel a spark, your kids be damned. Honestly, women like you and my ex are why I need to get a dog and stay away from dating anyone.
    Wow way to use children as a guilt trip...

    Sheesh...

    So itís best a woman stay in an unhappy marriage as long as the husbands happy...

    Good grief...

  11. #29
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    Originally Posted by JValentine
    You are a very bitter, broken man by the sounds of it. So I should live with my sons caring loving father even though it makes me unbelievably sad and lonely? I have done that for the last 5 years!! I think I have given enough!! Two to tango, agreed. I am our sons majority caregiver by a good 90%!! I do everything whilst me husband is in bed or watching football!!

    I think you are very wrong here. I've had a long time to think about this. There is no rushing!!

    If I was thinking of only myself I would have left 14 years ago!

    Once again, are you openly communicating your problems?

    You left all of this out in the original post. By that, I figure out you have already made up your mind.

    But if you haven't. Make him understand the problems in the relationship, maybe even go to counseling together. Grow as a couple. Learn ways to communicate effectively.


    If you've already made up your mind, then crush him and move on. Do it fast. Don't lead him on. Don't cheat. Be 100% honest. Don't tell him what you think he needs to hear. Just tell him why and leave it at that. He'll get over it one day. But there is no way to not cause pain.

  12. #30
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JValentine
    You are a very bitter, broken man by the sounds of it. So I should live with my sons caring loving father even though it makes me unbelievably sad and lonely? I have done that for the last 5 years!! I think I have given enough!! Two to tango, agreed. I am our sons majority caregiver by a good 90%!! I do everything whilst me husband is in bed or watching football!!

    I think you are very wrong here. I've had a long time to think about this. There is no rushing!!

    If I was thinking of only myself I would have left 14 years ago!
    Good for you valentine.

    Shame on male posters who are angry and saying to her what they want to say to their ex wives.

    She is not your ex!!!!!

    RELEVANT and NICKEL yíall both know full well what led to the end of your marriage, stop with the sexist victimhood, and statistics have show children would rather be from a broken home than in one, stop with this sexist idea that a woman is letting her children down if she doesnít sacrifice her happiness for others.

    OPer you have to do whatís best for you. I do think you should communicate your mindset with your husband first and if you two can get through this via therapy excellent. If not... youíre right you both deserve someone who loves and respects you.

    Be warned though the grass isnít always greener!!!! You never got to expierience being single and free you were pregnant and married very young, once you get it out of your system you may realize what you have actually is what you want. Itís a double edged sword for sure. Be fully ready when you make your choice.

    Your mindset isnít a male or female thing MANY go through this, most arenít with their high school sweethearts simply because they quickly outgrew that phase of their life.

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