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Thread: I want to move but my mum will be alone.

  1. #11
    Member Drake93's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    You need to live your life and she needs to lead hers. You are not responsible for the fact she isnít. 50ís isnít old. I am in my 50ís. She needs to go to the dr and get the depression and drinking under control and eventually meet a nice LOCAL person.

    You go live your life.
    I know... and she does see a doctor but he doesn't help much, every time she goes there, it's a different doctor. We have tried to tell her to see a psychiatrist or something but she doesn't. - She doesn't drink everyday, it is more once a week or something, and can't mention anything because it comes with a big argument. She has met local before, but she has had bad experiences. There was 1 guy who was really bad... he was an alcoholic, his place was a real mess, and he did weed too. Even broke mum's phone at one point by stepping on it. Well, lets say, she doesn't see him anymore. And she met him at the gym too.

    Another she was friends with in life, was someone she did actually talk to alright. He came over at times, but he ended up deleting her, all because she said 1 word, which wasn't even bad. She was upset due to something that happened.

    Ah, was also another. A female, she met in a course. She suddenly became funny with mum, not really sure what happened but she left too. And mum didn't do anything wrong. So, eventually if all this keeps happening, eventually you are bound to think something is wrong with yourself. :/

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'm not sure why the trend moving overseas or meeting foreign partners (Netherlands, Australia, Egypt etc.). Sorry but it's not just your mum who seems a bit off with the romantic choices there. What's wrong with the men in the UK? Yes, I do understand the economy is in a slump. Have you ever met this person from the Netherlands? Would you have any better career or work options in the Netherlands? Do you have a plan there besides meeting this guy?

    Everything seems unstable and rocky at home and I'm sensing a lot of (strong or deep) unrest with life in the UK. There's no real footing there and your family seems to be balancing on a precipice. Some members have flown away and others are teetering on bad choices or left behind with plans to leave. I'm not so preoccupied with your mum because at 50 she's survived a lot and has a seen a lot. Mothers (parents generally) are more at ease when they see their children successful. You owe that to yourself as it's inadvertently going to take care of your mother's peace of mind too.
    yeah, I have met with him countless times for the past 5 years. He has come here and I have come to him too. I just feel more relaxed when I am with him... and we never can choose who we end up falling for. It just happens really... We have spoken about this a lot. And I am not moving there because of what is happening in the UK, I was going to move there anyway as we spoke about. It is because I want to be with him, and I guess, I need to lead my life now too... With brexit, it's making me want to asap, just in case we do leave. But, then I am in a bind due to mum too, I just worry she might hurt herself, as she did a little in the past. I know it's not my place but you know.

    Also I am currently trying to learn dutch right now too in order to make it easier over there.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Your mother needs to make an effort to make friends (platonic).

    Is she under medical care for her depression? The alcohol is the worst thing she can do for herself. Your mother is an alcoholic. If she can have relationships with all of these men, then why can't she work?

    You need to make you own life. Stop enabling her behavior.

    Does she always go for guys who are 20 years her junior? This is not good!
    Yeah... she is under medical with a doctor, but as she drinks at times, it doesn't help with the tablets she takes. They don't work because of this. - She isn't really an alcoholic, as she doesn't drink everyday... Yeah, she does it whenever she goes to the shop, but, it's more like once a week I guess. And it lasts a day or 2. Before she got a car again, it was a longer distance before she drank because she didn't want to walk to the shop.

    My mum only meets them mostly online, and it happens. Then again, alcohol gives her more confidence to speak to them via mic.

    Most of the guys she speaks online with, only want one thing really. Which is also making her depressed too. because she can't find a proper friend.

    She has also been encouraging me to go... but right now, it's just been me that is being the problem haha. I will get all this guilt if I leave. Because my sister and brother already have left so I am the last one here.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    What about suggesting mom move back to where the rest of her family and friends were before she was in the relationship she moved for?
    Haha, we have tried to get her to. Even said, maybe she should move to Scotland where my sister is. And my nan has joked with her about living in the same home as her (She lives quite far down south from us.) But when we mentioned about her living in scotland near my sister, she said - "I don't want to be some mother/grandmother" Or something, she said she wanted to be herself. A person. I think she was under the effect of alcohol then, I don't know. But when we said while she was sober, she didn't really answer it really.

    We also felt she needed a change of scenery too. She hasn't gotten much here, even though we live in a nice area. She has gotten along with my sister's boyfriends family, whenever she is over there. She hasn't exactly got the money to move as well i guess. But, we'll keep trying with that. It would be nice if she does get a good friend at least. She is a really really nice woman, when she is sober haha. She does look after us, like when my sister was over too.

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  6. #15
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    Her job was to launch you into an independent life as an adult.

    Your job is to live your own life.

    You stay in contact with your mom, but get on with it, find out your own life without the handholding.

    That she is unhappy and has not found a guy? Jeez, not even your problem.

    Recommend a therapist to her and off you go.

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