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Thread: Should I cut this guy off or am I overreacting?

  1. #31

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    3
    Gender
    Female
    I'm sorry that you were abused in your previous relationship and congratulate you for taking the risk to be vulnerable again. I would say, observe the guy and also do your soul searching to find where your boundaries are. This is somewhere between cutting him off and totally invalidating your own feelings by calling them overreacting. Honestly I think some relationships after an abusive experience are a learning experience where certain patterns may be repeated or we may be calibrating ourselves. Sometimes we fall for "rescuers" who are good at helping when they are exempt from responsibility themselves, sometimes we find we are voicing our boundaries too harshly because we are new at all this etc etc. What matters is the ability of partners to solve problems as they arise, so you can try to see if your BF is able to make you comfortable when solving problems. I would say do not accept silent treatment, do not chase either. What you need is a mature partner who is ready to work with you, who is ready to listen to how you feel instead of proving their point or whatever while you are ready to work with them to make them comfortable, too. Have your expectations and boundaries intact about how you wish to be communicated, ultimately nobody can judge you for that. Find a way to communicate this calmly and observe whether your partner is able to respond lovingly. However, if you are repeatedly feeling triggered, if your gut is repeatedly warning you, it is either something wrong with this partner or it is a wrong time for this relationship for whatever reason. No need to invalidate yourself or how you feel. Listen to your feelings, observe how your partner is reacting and it will all be clear soon. Hugs

  2. #32
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,765
    You're reaction was ridiculous. You are hyper-sensitive and need to lighten up!

    If he is smart and doesn't like dramatics, he will stay away.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,583
    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith

    He was like "It actually fits you but it's not your real hair."
    I am wondering why you chose to focus on "it's not you real hair" instead of "it actually fits you" which was a huge compliment?!

    Serious question.

    That said, agree, could've done without the addition of "but it's not your real hair," that would have bothered me too.

    Not to the extent it bothers you, but it would have bugged me.

    Anyway, it was what's known in the PUA (Pick Up Artist) world as a "neg," I personally can't stand negs but apparently they work to intrigue some women by throwing them off their game.

    Ignore it.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,765
    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith
    I'm sorry, but it's like why point that out? That was the first displaying the hairstyle on social media (wasn't even long as it was a bob style), and he just bluntly point that out. Wasn't even a compliment. I know it isn't my hair. I thought he was joking as I didn't take it serious. It wasn't until he said "the truth hurts" and that hurt my feelings. And he still kept making fun. There's been other signs besides this that I didn't mention in the original post. He hasn't fully been honest with me as he omits details, mostly on his phone during our hang outs, doesn't call me at all unless I do (we text 90% of the time), leaves me on read when he wants, doesn't really talk and ask me questions until he wants to makeout, which it feels like we're doing 80% of the time now.

    Last Thursday, things got deeply intimate for the first time. And he wanted to take off my bottoms, asked for fellatio, and kept saying how he "wanted to put it in"...despite me telling him that I wasn't even ready for sex yet. He even told me the next day how he wanted to have it, but he didn't want to get labelled like my ex. That if I was saving myself for marriage, he would have been "hell no" and end things.. which also hurt me bc I'm just like okay... That's why I asked him if he genuinely liked me on Sunday, which he said he did because I wasn't sure anymore.
    I think it is pretty clear he only wants sex. Lose this guy!

  5.  

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