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Thread: Should I cut this guy off or am I overreacting?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith
    Maybe because I'm allowed to add more details. And I'm allowed to post what I want. Thanks.
    Yes you can feel what you want , but perhaps you should realise that what you feel isn’t actually what most would feel including people responding here and the poor guy.

    You can stamp your feet like a 2 yr old all you want here. It doesn’t matter.
    But stamp your feet like a 2 yr old to this guy does.
    We have responded to you. He hasn’t.

    Think about that?

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith
    Far from being vain.
    Why get hair extensions then?

    Does your workplace require hair to be tied back and it wasn’t long enough to?

    You want long hair but haven’t the patience to grow it?

    If you have no vanity then why be bothered by someone’s comment ?

    You are contradicting yourself here?

    May I ask exactly what was the abuse in your previous relationship?

  3. #23
    Yeah you seriously overreacted. He stated it wasn't your real hair because its not. What's the problem with that? He wasn't trying to insult you or anything and didn't mean anything by it. I think you have problems being hurt by nothing and i suggest therapy (especially since you had a previous abusive relationship). You are going to sabotage this with him and he hasn't done anything wrong. He shouldn't have to apologize for doing nothing.

  4. 04-11-2019, 05:43 AM

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  12. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What's up with the flame wars?

  13.  

  14. #25
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    The OP asked should she cut this guy off OR is she overreacting?
    The fact that she questioned it would suggest that she is open to opinions.

    Everyone that responded says overreacting.
    So why argue the point if not open to opinions?

    It’s clearly frustrating to the responders here that she cannot open herself up to seeing another hers opinion.
    Just imagine how frustrated the guy must feel?

    The only war here is the internal one within the OP’s mind.

    A relationship is not possible without the capability of seeing another’s point of view.

  15. 04-11-2019, 06:33 AM

  16. #26
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I mean, if you'd just gone through chemo and were sporting a wig only for him to for some reason call it fake, yeah, I think you'd have a bigger point. But I'm assuming you have just fine natural hair. I'm sure he'd been pursuing you before the extensions, so he obviously likes your actual hair. Why would "it's not your real hair" be insulting, then? I personally don't think it was a great joke to make, though more for the sake of it not being funny than it being overtly offensive. You hit back so he doubled down. Later realized it actually did hurt you and repeatedly apologized.

    Not without respect to the social pressures many women face, but things like hair extensions are difficult for a lot of guys to understand. And sometimes it's even with good intention that they'll joke about something fake to reinforce that they like what's natural about you. Again, is it a particularly funny joke? No. A bit tactless? I'd say so. But I wouldn't assume the worst from it. If this had just been a random friend who only hits up your comment section with a zinger, it'd be different. This is a guy you've been seeing and who is obviously attracted to you, so at the very worst, if you didn't want to take the goofy joke at face value, I'd assume he simply likes your natural hair.

    That's of course not me saying you can't or shouldn't rock whatever look you want to rock. It's none of my business.

  17. #27
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    I mean, if you'd just gone through chemo and were sporting a wig only for him to for some reason call it fake, yeah, I think you'd have a bigger point. But I'm assuming you have just fine natural hair. I'm sure he'd been pursuing you before the extensions, so he obviously likes your actual hair. Why would "it's not your real hair" be insulting, then? I personally don't think it was a great joke to make, though more for the sake of it not being funny than it being overtly offensive. You hit back so he doubled down. Later realized it actually did hurt you and repeatedly apologized.

    Not without respect to the social pressures many women face, but things like hair extensions are difficult for a lot of guys to understand. And sometimes it's even with good intention that they'll joke about something fake to reinforce that they like what's natural about you. Again, is it a particularly funny joke? No. A bit tactless? I'd say so. But I wouldn't assume the worst from it. If this had just been a random friend who only hits up your comment section with a zinger, it'd be different. This is a guy you've been seeing and who is obviously attracted to you, so at the very worst, if you didn't want to take the goofy joke at face value, I'd assume he simply likes your natural hair.

    That's of course not me saying you can't or shouldn't rock whatever look you want to rock. It's none of my business.
    THIS!

    He actually didn’t even mind the extensions. In fact I think he liked them?

    Not sure he likes the attitude though.

  18. #28
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    I mean, if you'd just gone through chemo and were sporting a wig only for him to for some reason call it fake, yeah, I think you'd have a bigger point. But I'm assuming you have just fine natural hair. I'm sure he'd been pursuing you before the extensions, so he obviously likes your actual hair. Why would "it's not your real hair" be insulting, then? I personally don't think it was a great joke to make, though more for the sake of it not being funny than it being overtly offensive. You hit back so he doubled down. Later realized it actually did hurt you and repeatedly apologized.

    Not without respect to the social pressures many women face, but things like hair extensions are difficult for a lot of guys to understand. And sometimes it's even with good intention that they'll joke about something fake to reinforce that they like what's natural about you. Again, is it a particularly funny joke? No. A bit tactless? I'd say so. But I wouldn't assume the worst from it. If this had just been a random friend who only hits up your comment section with a zinger, it'd be different. This is a guy you've been seeing and who is obviously attracted to you, so at the very worst, if you didn't want to take the goofy joke at face value, I'd assume he simply likes your natural hair.

    That's of course not me saying you can't or shouldn't rock whatever look you want to rock. It's none of my business.
    Thanks for the feedback. I wasn't necessarily calling the joke abuse. At first, I didn't really care, but after seeing that he was serious. That was his first time to see me with the short style. He's seen me with various hairstyles since we've been talking. I just didn't like how he continued to tease despite me saying I didn't get the joke and felt a bit hurt by it. For him to say, "okay I'm done having fun 😂"

    He hasn't seen my natural hair. I barely show it nowadays because it's damaged, so I use wigs as a protective style. I explained this to him about two weeks ago when he said he hasn't seen my real hair.

  19. #29
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Bottom line here? You guys just sound like a pretty horrible match. In a very short time you've brought out the most insecure and immature sides of each other. Just imagine where that goes, when things get, you know, real.

    Maybe it's because you both have some past romantic trauma that hasn't been processed, or because you just don't vibe well—a one-two combo by the sounds of it.

    Which means you basically have two options.

    You can continue to find a kind of twisted comfort in picking him apart, and picking at your own still-healing wounds in the process, all the while hoping that, with enough picking, he'll become someone he is not. That'll basically keep you both frozen in the same place.

    OR you an accept that you two are incompatible—without making it about rage, bitterness, judgement, wigs, and "abuse"—and accept that you could probably benefit from a little more reflection and self-strengthening so that you're not quite the raw nerve you are at the moment when you meet someone you're more compatible with.

    The choice is yours, something you can do for yourself rather than seeing the world—and men in particular—as doing things to you.

  20. #30
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    OP, I know it's hard to break old habits and you've stated that you were in a long-term emotionally abusive situation, but as a general rule , it's not a good idea to freeze people out. It's fine to take space if you're too upset to think clearly. However, it's important to state that you are taking space and why you are doing it. He ignored you back because getting the cold shoulder doesn't feel good.

    Neither one of you seems ready for a more serious involvement, in my opinion. You guys have the rollercoaster high-drama dynamic that leads to actual emotional abuse in the long run. I would take a good look at your behavior and figure out how you fit into your last relationship before starting a new one. Painting yourself as a victim who had no part in the relationship will only ensure that you make mistakes in the future.

    Oh, and if he is even hinting to not respecting your sexual boundaries, RUN for the hills! He may just decide that he doesn't care how you feel and move forward without your consent.

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