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Thread: Should I cut this guy off or am I overreacting?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Truth be told, I feel bad for the guy. He sounds like a nice guy and you were punishing and making him apologize for something that was ridiculous.

    He said it wasn't your own hair, which it isn't....and?? It's a fact and I'm not sure how you'd get upset over someone saying that.

    Either way, you were way too harsh on him and perhaps you might consider that however your ex treated you, that you're now treating someone similar in terms of trying to put him into his place over nothing.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Truth be told, I feel bad for the guy. He sounds like a nice guy and you were punishing and making him apologize for something that was ridiculous.

    He said it wasn't your own hair, which it isn't....and?? It's a fact and I'm not sure how you'd get upset over someone saying that.

    Either way, you were way too harsh on him and perhaps you might consider that however your ex treated you, that you're now treating someone similar in terms of trying to put him into his place over nothing.
    I'm sorry, but it's like why point that out? That was the first displaying the hairstyle on social media (wasn't even long as it was a bob style), and he just bluntly point that out. Wasn't even a compliment. I know it isn't my hair. I thought he was joking as I didn't take it serious. It wasn't until he said "the truth hurts" and that hurt my feelings. And he still kept making fun. There's been other signs besides this that I didn't mention in the original post. He hasn't fully been honest with me as he omits details, mostly on his phone during our hang outs, doesn't call me at all unless I do (we text 90% of the time), leaves me on read when he wants, doesn't really talk and ask me questions until he wants to makeout, which it feels like we're doing 80% of the time now.

    Last Thursday, things got deeply intimate for the first time. And he wanted to take off my bottoms, asked for fellatio, and kept saying how he "wanted to put it in"...despite me telling him that I wasn't even ready for sex yet. He even told me the next day how he wanted to have it, but he didn't want to get labelled like my ex. That if I was saving myself for marriage, he would have been "hell no" and end things.. which also hurt me bc I'm just like okay... That's why I asked him if he genuinely liked me on Sunday, which he said he did because I wasn't sure anymore.

  3. #13
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    Yeah that's what I've been doing. I've gone to therapy. Also told him I was taking a break bc it's always the same. Said he was as well bc he kept being in toxic relationships. That he wants to see where things go, which I agreed. But I've been seeing subtle signs...like we don't have a title so I feel like that's also part of the reason.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith
    There's been other signs besides this that I didn't mention in the original post. He hasn't fully been honest with me as he omits details, mostly on his phone during our hang outs, doesn't call me at all unless I do (we text 90% of the time), leaves me on read when he wants, doesn't really talk and ask me questions until he wants to makeout, which it feels like we're doing 80% of the time now.

    Last Thursday, things got deeply intimate for the first time. And he wanted to take off my bottoms, asked for fellatio, and kept saying how he "wanted to put it in"...despite me telling him that I wasn't even ready for sex yet. He even told me the next day how he wanted to have it, but he didn't want to get labelled like my ex. That if I was saving myself for marriage, he would have been "hell no" and end things.. which also hurt me bc I'm just like okay... That's why I asked him if he genuinely liked me on Sunday, which he said he did because I wasn't sure anymore.
    These are the real issues here. It has little to do with the comment about your hair; I'm not sure why you made it about that when there are clearly other problems. My sense is you have trouble being honest about your feelings because you fear rocking the boat and scaring him off, so you couch them in less-significant problems, such as hair issue.

    Anyway, it doesn't sound like you two are all that compatible. I think you need to sit down with yourself and really ask yourself if you want to continue seeing him.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    I think he is now questioning whether your last relationship was actually an emotionally abusive one or not.

    You have thrown the ďemotional abuseĒ comment at him all because he stated a fact that your long hair isnít actually yours?
    If you are going to accuse someone of being abusive when they havenít , what are you going to tell others about him when you actually have a genuine topic to discuss or disagree on?

    You consider his comment to be rude and equate it to something thatís not rude, telling someone their rented car is nice but not their actual car. So what??

    I think you are not the girl for him, you are way too sensitive for him and thatís why he is pulling back.

    He apologised not because he had something to apologise for but to break the ice and he likely expected you to not accept his apology but actually for you to realise how inappropriate you reacted to something so insignificant.

    I think he has cut you off and the decision is no longer yours to make.
    We've actually disagreed on many topics....no issues. As I told the other person, I didn't just throw it to throw it. He has told me I'm sensitive. But there's been other signs. And this isn't the first time he's made a joke like this. He made one about my body last time...I overlooked it. It just hurt for him to keep teasing after I told him it wasn't as funny...basically invalidating my feelings. And I didn't force him to apologise. "My bad" isn't really an apology. And all he said was "sorry if you angry" again not really an apology.

    If he cuts me off, then that's fine. I can do the same. I would rather have him tell me then ghost as he is friends with all his exes, even the one that cheated on him. I cut him off before due to always flaking on me when we planned to hang out. Don't mind to do it again to prevent any future hurt.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith
    We've actually disagreed on many topics....no issues. As I told the other person, I didn't just throw it to throw it. He has told me I'm sensitive. But there's been other signs. And this isn't the first time he's made a joke like this. He made one about my body last time...I overlooked it. It just hurt for him to keep teasing after I told him it wasn't as funny...basically invalidating my feelings. And I didn't force him to apologise. "My bad" isn't really an apology. And all he said was "sorry if you angry" again not really an apology.

    If he cuts me off, then that's fine. I can do the same. I would rather have him tell me then ghost as he is friends with all his exes, even the one that cheated on him. I cut him off before due to always flaking on me when we planned to hang out. Don't mind to do it again to prevent any future hurt.
    Seriously? You made a thread about your hair extensions and now claim so much worse?
    Why?
    Why didnít you post about him flaking on you , commenting on your body etc?

    Sorry but all of that reinforces my sympathy towards him.

    YOU were friends with him for one year. YOU had ample time to judge his character.
    YOU decide to date him. And YOU decide to berate him for wanting more physically even though he didnít force the issue or rape you. But YOU have decided he is wrong.
    And YOUR post is a complaint that he said your hair is fake. It is!!!

    And now YOU say if he cuts you off itís ďfineĒ

    So why post a thread if you donít care about him and donít care that he cuts you off?

    Sorry , but you are clearly not being honest with us or yourself.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Seriously? You made a thread about your hair extensions and now claim so much worse?
    Why?
    Why didnít you post about him flaking on you , commenting on your body etc?

    Sorry but all of that reinforces my sympathy towards him.

    YOU were friends with him for one year. YOU had ample time to judge his character.
    YOU decide to date him. And YOU decide to berate him for wanting more physically even though he didnít force the issue or rape you. But YOU have decided he is wrong.
    And YOUR post is a complaint that he said your hair is fake. It is!!!

    And now YOU say if he cuts you off itís ďfineĒ

    So why post a thread if you donít care about him and donít care that he cuts you off?

    Sorry , but you are clearly not being honest with us or yourself.
    Maybe because I'm allowed to add more details. And I'm allowed to post what I want. Thanks.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, you have shown him that honest opinions are not wanted, only flattery and what you want to hear. So of course he'll avoid saying anything to you for fear of you biting his head off again for failing to read minds and tell you precisely, exactly what you want to hear. Relax.This guy isn't even your bf. Who cares what anyone thinks of your hairdo? Get a handle on your touchiness, vanity and irritability.
    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith
    I got new hair extensions yesterday. He was like "It actually fits you but it's not your real hair." I was like, what is that supposed to mean? Never said it was.Then I told him what he said it was rude. he later asked me if I was upset. I told him I was

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately, you have shown him that honest opinions are not wanted, only flattery and what you want to hear. So of course he'll avoid saying anything to you for fear of you biting his head off again for failing to read minds and tell you precisely, exactly what you want to hear. Relax.This guy isn't even your bf. Who cares what anyone thinks of your hairdo? Get a handle on your touchiness, vanity and irritability.
    Far from being vain.

  11. #20
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    It sounds to me like the two of you are just not a good fit. His remarks were a bit insensitive but if there are other things you don't like about him then just let him go. You can find someone more tactful and he can find someone with "real" hair.

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