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Thread: What consequences can you give to a spouse who always drop the ball?

  1. #1
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    What consequences can you give to a spouse who always drop the ball?

    Do you have any people you work with who always drop the ball? Even after you explained the details of the project and how he/she is supposed to be involve. Set a timeline. But they never come back to you, they never do the work and they just conveniently forgets about it.

    Then imagine your spouse is like that. You tell him/her the same thing/task everyday. They don't do it. You split the work load and you did your part but he/she don't follow up, don't follow through on hers.

    How can you set boundaries for a spouse like that. What consequences can you give?

  2. #2
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    You don't give consequences to a spouse -- they are for children. Look, you still don't like your wife, you still think she is lazy and careless and doesn't live her life exactly as you think she should. You still sound very inflexible and controlling. Nothing is changing. Did you ever see a therapist? How is about a divorce attorney? You are clearly not working as a couple, why stay?

  3. #3
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    It's like you want help but only the kind that mirrors your broken thoughts and routines.

    Did you ever practice really listening to her?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Wow, you are not her boss or her father. What are you thinking? The consequences of You thinking and acting like this however could range from sleeping on the couch to divorce papers. Get a grip on your controlling micromanaging behavior. Most likely she specifically doesn't do it to show you how ridiculous your orders and demands are.
    Originally Posted by wtm78
    Then imagine your spouse is like that. You tell him/her the same thing/task everyday. They don't do it.
    How can you set boundaries for a spouse like that. What consequences can you give?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Originally Posted by wtm78
    Do you have any people you work with who always drop the ball? Even after you explained the details of the project and how he/she is supposed to be involve. Set a timeline. But they never come back to you, they never do the work and they just conveniently forgets about it.

    Then imagine your spouse is like that. You tell him/her the same thing/task everyday. They don't do it. You split the work load and you did your part but he/she don't follow up, don't follow through on hers.

    How can you set boundaries for a spouse like that. What consequences can you give?
    This is very controlling behavior and NOT how you should treat your wife at all.

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    In a workplace that would be considered bullying. But the bullied person can report to HR.

    In a marriage it is also considered bullying but the bullied person has no HR for defence.

    Sounds to me like you have no idea of proper communication in either the workplace or your marriage.

    There are people in the workplace who are bosses and there are people who are managers. In the same role.

    You are incapable of managing your marriage because you are behaving like a boss.
    Why are you treating your partner as if you are above in the hierarchy and in a position to place consequences?

    Your partner should look for a new job that believes in equality (or partner)
    You can bring it up with the divorce courts as unfair dismissal but I donít fancy your chances.

  8. #7
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    What we do is talk about what needs to be done -or e-mail/text as appropriate. It's really frustrating if he doesn't follow through I agree. So for me the consequences have been - having to scramble for child care last minute (once), missing flights (if that counts -meaning I explained the time line/what we needed to get done in order to leave on time, what I would do to make that happen, what he needed to do on his end to make that happen), almost losing close to $100 because he didn't return an online item, etc etc.

    For me the consequences are the natural ones -he sees that I am upset/frustrated, perhaps money/time is lost, perhaps our child is upset. I also just accept that if I want something done in my particular way -I do it myself. The end. If I'm ok with him doing it in his way (I am type A, married to type B) then I accept that I don't get to micromanage. It's a balance right? But you really have to accept that and my husband tells me sometimes "I would do ____ but I know you like it done in a particular way". Most of the time he is right. It does wonders for your marriage and trust and love to keep your mouth shut tight in situations like these. And also while staying silent and calm -be open to learning a different way to do things -even small things -and how different time lines can be stress reducing,etc.

  9. #8
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Work and a marriage is comparing apples to oranges. If an employee doesn't fulfill their obligation to a project, they get fired. That's not bullying, they are paid to do their job...so if they don't, what are they getting paid for?
    A marriage is about give and take. Now if they are not the type to manage their time, you are going to have to work around it, and give them other responsibilities they will handle. It's give and take, but it's also compromise with good communication.

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    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm going to go out on a limb and say that there's some ESL probably going on here. I don't think the OP meant consequences in the correct context or meaning as his situation. It's a little leftfield for most and there are grammatical errors in the post and header.

    I'd just encourage both of you to speak to each other, WTM. It sounds like you're not laughing enough in your relationship and there's not enough lightheartedness either and mutual appreciation. People tend to tune out when they're not appreciated.. express more love in the relationship and less emphasis on following orders. Those things should come naturally when you work together as a team.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'm going to go out on a limb and say that there's some ESL probably going on here. I don't think the OP meant consequences in the correct context or meaning as his situation. It's a little leftfield for most and there are grammatical errors in the post and header.

    I'd just encourage both of you to speak to each other, WTM. It sounds like you're not laughing enough in your relationship and there's not enough lightheartedness either and mutual appreciation. People tend to tune out when they're not appreciated.. express more love in the relationship and less emphasis on following orders. Those things should come naturally when you work together as a team.
    Read his posting history. He is contemptuous of his wife and has been all along.

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