Feeling anxious, overwhelmed, stressed and not sleeping

Usually I have no trouble sleeping. But lately I can't fall asleep, or stay asleep for more than 5.5 or 6 hours, so I know it's bad.

I feel overwhelmed and stressed out, guilty and anxious. Worrying all the time.

I have so much to do at work, and more keeps piling and looming. I'm trying to stay positive and calm, and I don't want to speak up and say that I am feeling overwhelmed at this point. I just feel all alone like I don't want to jeopardize my standing, or their faith in me.

I have a conference coming up in which I have to travel across a time zone, give a presentation. It's ready, I'm prepared, I just feel so anxious about it all.

My husband's birthday is coming up and I'm going to be away at that conference during his birthday and I feel so bad about that! I think he's really disappointed. I tried to get him to come with me but he has work to do and I guess he didn't think it was so important. He chose not to. I feel like I can't get him nice enough gifts, or it's just going to be miserable and he's going to be disappointed.

I'm still stressed out over some other things I had to deal with recently that are probably resolved. But for some reason their resolution didn't make me feel any better. (Car trouble and a complicated financing task I just completed.) But the fact that I completed and got through those issues hasn't given me satisfaction, I still feel the stress carrying over, as if I hadn't dealt with it already.

I feel so much guilt about my relationships, that I'm not giving enough, that expectations are coming soon, family obligations.

I try to keep a routine of things that help like going for walks, taking breaks from work. But even during that time I'm still anxious about getting back to the work I have to do.

I just want to do my best and for everyone around me to be happy and well. I want to be involved in things I've committed to being involved in, and it's just hard. I get stressed out too easily.

Reading through this, it doesn't sound that bad, even to me. People have much worse to deal with, I have been through much worse. I don't know why now I'm falling apart, this doesn't seem like it should be too much to handle, which makes it hard to ask for help. I don't even know what I need from anyone.

Rihannon, I can relate to that feeling. My doctor put me on Zoloft and it made a huge difference in my attitude. I know a lot of people don't approve of resorting to drugs, but sometimes when nothing else works, it's worth a shot.

I think sleep deprivation can do a number on your mental health. I am sorry you're going through this! One thing I would suggest is something like Tylenol PM or unisom for a night or two just to get your body back into a normal sleep routine. How are you eating lately and are you drinking enough water?

Your third paragraph. It sounds like this is largely work-induced/work-related. You're going to have to employ better stress management techniques or devise better, more efficient(yet thorough) ways of executing your work or tasks. You're not managing your workload responsibly. I mean this in reference to your mental and emotional health. I'd advise not to let this go unchecked and stop for a second and ask yourself what exactly you're worried about at work. Who keeps piling work on you and what are those specific tasks? You may not be keeping up as quickly as you want to because of an issue in the system or due to other inefficiencies in the workplace. Get to the heart of it, devise a better strategy/strategies and work to find solutions.

Your third paragraph. It sounds like this is largely work-induced/work-related. You're going to have to employ better stress management techniques or devise better, more efficient(yet thorough) ways of executing your work or tasks. You're not managing your workload responsibly. I mean this in reference to your mental and emotional health. I'd advise not to let this go unchecked and stop for a second and ask yourself what exactly you're worried about at work. Who keeps piling work on you and what are those specific tasks? You may not be keeping up as quickly as you want to because of an issue in the system or due to other inefficiencies in the workplace. Get to the heart of it, devise a better strategy/strategies and work to find solutions.

I say this with all appreciation for you, and with all respect. Uh, no duh. I'm having a hard time stopping for a second and looking at this in a problem-solving way because I'm so overwhelmed and, to call it "panicking" would be an overstatement but it's in the neighborhood of panic. It's like, Panic's rural neighbor - next door but a little ways off so you sometimes forget it's there but it's there, it's shooting distance.

I don't like taking med because I feel like they make foggy and useless and tired. I haven't been eating much. I eat regularly just because I know I need to but, no appetite.

When I was younger I would get panic attacks on occasion, and I haven't experienced that for years. It was pretty scary. It helps to talk about it and get it out of my head.

Isn't there anyone you can talk to in person as well? ie your husband?

Yes, I do vent to him. But part of what's stressing me out is worrying about him, too (his birthday, his health, his future and happiness). And I don't want to heap that onto him because it might make him feel bad, or it might seem like I'm blaming it on him.

I feel a little bit better now just because some things are over and in the past and I can't do anything about them, but also I just decided not to care because I basically screw things up when I do care.

I hate my husband's birthday. He always says he doesn't want anything, but in the past, when I didn't get him anything, he was sulky and silent and sullen and acted miserable. And he said "you didn't get me anything?"

One year I got him a bunch of little gifts and he loved it, he was so happy. I was going to be gone on his bday this year, so I suggested a few days before it, that we should go out someplace nice for dinner on the Friday before I left. He shushed me and told me not to put pressure on him.

(This is what he does. He tells me not to make a big deal out of things or put pressure on him by suggesting stuff in advance. I have never understood how suggesting future plans, not even making them, but just suggesting something, is putting pressure on someone.)

Anyway, Friday morning I baked him his favorite pie, because he doesn't like cake. It was also the first thing I baked for him when we were dating. years ago. I woke up at 4 AM to get it started so it wouldn't interfere with his life, me baking it. But the smell woke him at 5, and apparently he couldn't get back to sleep, so he was too tired that night to go out to a concert later that night that he'd wanted to go to. So I ruined his day.

That evening I came home from work and he was sullen and quiet and grumpy and just staring at his phone. I got ready to go out, and then I gave him his presents. He said he didn't like them and said "why did you get me these?"

Back to the phone and silence. I thought maybe he wasn't feeling very birthday-y. He told me about how I'd ruined the night for him for the concert and how he was so tired. I apologized. I really did feel awful about that, back then. I was trying to lighten things up, since he wasn't moving from the couch or making a move to go out, I suggested playing video games or watching TV - thinking maybe he wasn't ready for dinner yet.

Then he simply turned to me and told me how I am the worst at birthdays, how I seemed to be set on watching TV and staying home. I told him I had assumed we were going to dinner, we'd said it days ago, I didn't think I was supposed to invite him again and godforbid put pressure on him.

Whatever. I gave up and started packing for my trip.

It isn't even worth arguing about. We don't communicate well. We obviously don't understand each other. He treats me fine, for the most part, but I don't think he has respect or admiration for me, or appreciation for what I have to offer in this relationship.

On my birthday, he's given me crap I didn't want. I guess next time he does that, I'll look at it coldly and be honest and ask "why would I want that?" I will have to develop a tougher skin and just not care. It's your birthday? Big deal. Everyone has one, every year. And I hate, HATE, how important his smile has been to me, and how much it meant to me when he was happy with something I did for him or gave to him. When he told me the pie was delicious, I didn't really care and I wanted to have cared even less.

My presentation went over just so-so. Some people got offended. I don't care.

I'm trying to be a person who simply cares less about other people.

I don't think you're going to get very far with the "I will TRY to care less" especially with the negative reasons for why you want to try to do that. All that will mean is that you will get more into the negativity and care even more because you'll be cranky/irritable with people and feel badly if you annoy them. What I found worked was taking actions and reactions differently -not feelings -I would act and react differently and fake it till I made it -I did this a lot with dating to have a thicker skin. I do it at work, too.

If your version is accurate your husband is acting like a sulky child. As far as suggesting future plans it may simply be a tone thing -maybe your tone is pressured, but I don't know I'm not there. I'm sorry you're feeling down and irritated. i've been there,I get it! And yes I'm a people pleaser.

I think with your husband you should just do small kindnesses that are not connected to a birthday or special occasion. And I mean small. For example yesterday after getting up at 6 and getting my child ready for school and to the bus stop, exercising and then walking a mile to the local Trader Joe's, my husband called me and asked me if I wanted a ride back. It was heaven. I didn't feel that well and also wanted to buy lots of stuff that would be hard to get back on the mile walk back. Then he offered to help me put the stuff away (I declined) and offered to give me a lift to our son's school to save me a bus and train trip. Well, that I sort of asked him for -it was on his way and the timing worked - but he gladly agreed. It felt better than anything he could have done for my birthday - it made my day - and meant I felt better and able to be happier/more energetic around my son when I picked him up. I do things like that for him too. Not the grand gestures, the small things that say "I'm thinking of you".

We also have this thing at night -after our son goes to sleep I'm cleaning up in the kitchen and prepping for the next day. I have headphones in -news/podcasts. He usually gets work done on the computer/watches TV. Every so often I say "psstt!!" or he does -and then we wave at each other with silly goofy smiles as if we can't believe we ran into each other. I promise you it all helps. More than the grand gestures IMO.

I hope you feel better.

You and your husband sound great.

I'm sure my husband's version of the evening would be different from mine. That's why it went so badly. It's not even worth arguing over who meant what and who said what and how they said it, because I think we just don't get each other. I think that my intentions are good, so I try to explain because I think he's offended by my intentions. But I guess he's not offended by intentions, he's annoyed by actions. Therefore, my explanation comes off as defensive instead of apologetic.

In my mind, I do thoughtful gestures for him all the time, and help him out all the time on a daily basis. And I don't know what he feels or sees from me, but it's obviously not what he wants.

I really think part of why this bothers me so much, is because I am so jealous and bitter over the fact that he is perfectly fine being honest about what he wants and doesn't want in the moment, without worrying about others' feelings. He's fine telling people to back off, giving a cricticim, or saying "you let me down" or "what you did angered me." But me? I'm always second-guessing my own feelings and hesitating to blame someone else for something I don't like. When I'm upset about something, I always immediately think "No, wait, maybe it's my fault, maybe I'm making too big of a deal out of this." or "Maybe I should just suck it up and deal" or "Well, they meant well so I don't want to hurt their feelings." And why do I do that? I don't know. It's lame. It means that I end up just wanting to do things alone most of the time to avoid dealing with other people's feelings.

So then I see him just living for himself and I'm like "Hey, why do you get to be upset and angry and honest about what you don't like. No fair!"

When the truth is, I could do that, too. I just don't.

So when you were dating and engaged etc did you think he got you?