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Thread: Movergroover

  1. #1
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    Movergroover

    Recently split with my ex of 4 years. I caught him texting escorts he eventually admitted but said nothing happened !!! I tried to continue but the trust was broken And he wouldnít commit to me . I guessed he was at it again so I called him out and told him he had a problem with hookers and coke and basically he lost it as Iíd ruffled his feathers and he told me I was mental and that we were done I was in agreement and I did a runner and no contact has been made since.

    Today we were matched onna dating site although my picture isnít up and thereís his profile acting all Cool and funny. I donít know if he knows itís me yet he will click though. How funny ?

    The thing is itís hurt me even though I know heís not good enough for me.

    I hated going out with him as heíd check every female out and flirt if given the opportunity.

    He was also emotionally unavailable and didnít find me all that clearly but then why would he when he was probably sleeping with females half my age.

    Loads of good points but the bad outweighed the good hence why Iíve not chased him or asked him to take me back, as if !!!

    Think Iím looking for reassurance as when your partner favours escorts over you, someone who is a willing and good partner, completely trustworthy it does something to You On a different level.

    He has too much money and am I wrong to hope that he will never be able to sustain a normal relationship,one where he doesnít have to take drugs to perform and get excited.

    On his profile he said he has endurance and stamina !

    Aaaaaarrgggghhhh
    Last edited by Gotowardthel; 04-10-2019 at 11:03 AM. Reason: Typos

  2. #2
    Bronze Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You need to do some soul searching and try to figure out why you allowed this loser into your life.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry for all this.

    I'm not sure how "recently" this split was, but, in looking our for your own well-being, what jumps out to me from your post is that you might want to give yourself a bit more time to process where you've been before dating. Sit for a bit, before swiping, you know? Give yourself time to focus on yourself, and to ask the hard questions about what led you to invest in someone both unavailable and prone to some seriously unsavory behavior.

    You remain pretty fixated on him, his psychology, what path his life will now take, and so on. That's understandable, just as it's understandable to be thrown by seeing an ex back on the apps. Still, what does focusing on him serve, at this point? Not much, save a way, if you're not careful, to avoid looking closely at yourself.

    You spent a lot of time with someone who did not treat you as you deserved. Those sorts of relationships do a real number on our self-esteem, since there's nothing like wanting respect from someone who, for whatever reason, is incapable of respect. The emotional toll from years of that is real, and is not unraveled in a few weeks and certainly not by a few dates. You want that poison out of the system before you're back out there, but to get it out of the system you have to be able to see it clearly.

    As for whether or not it is "wrong" to think/hope he'll never be good for anyoneówell, I'd say that's a very natural, very early phase of healing, but not a permanent mindset to nurture, cling to, and find solace in. That's just bitterness and rage, and bitterness and rage don't serve anyone well in the long run.

    The ideal state is indifference, which comes from giving yourself time to process things, so both your head and heart are lined up, and your sense of your own value is completely disconnected from whatever choices this bozo will make as he moves forward in his own life.

    Again, sorry for all you've been through. I've had a taste of relationships with people like thisóthough only for a few weeks, never years. Even then the recovery period was in ways more taxing than some of my longer relationships built on genuine love and respect, but ended because of sad-but-simple things like timing.

    Best of luck.

  4. #4
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    Thank you for your intelligent reply.
    We split just over 3 weeks ago .
    I wasnít intending on swiping as Iím not ready, just wanted to have a look at what was available and also any comebacks even without a photo.


    Iíve always had bad relationships where Iíve been cheated on I think they sense my vulnerability and low self esteem and thatís something I have to work on. Itís a priority.

    He swept me off my feet and moved quickly looking back too quickly. However he made memprtnof his family but you canít hide what he is.

    Thanks again

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He doesn't sound like a catch at all. I'd say good riddance and don't date until you truly feel ready again. You'd be giving online dating a bad name bringing your issues with your ex into the dating pool.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I am sorry you're going through this.

    This is a case of desperately wanting a bad man to be someone decent and responsible and respectable.

    Unfortunately, there are many out there who have excellent qualities as a partner and we see the good sides of them, perhaps even fall in love with those good sides. But then bad sides still exist and those bad sides, even if in smaller quantities, can be very bad and aren't something that should ever be ignored.

    It truly is a shame, because how you describe him, it does sound like he has many qualities that make him a good partner. But the bad ones are fairly bad and in my personal opinion, I don't feel they can be changed.

    I think many people go through similar issues. They love their partner and so badly wished the bad parts didn't exist or want to believe that they can be changed.
    It's not impossible for some people to change, but truthfully, it's extremely few and far between, especially when it comes to cheating, lying or betrayal.

    It means you will have to come to terms with this and to find ways to let go. And it can be really difficult when you concentrate on their good qualities and think to yourself.."if they would just stop these other things".
    You want that so badly sometimes that you can blind yourself to how bad it might be or talk yourself into believing that they can change and somehow it will be okay.

    It is a type of denial and this can seriously put your life and happiness into jeopardy.

    It is a type of mourning to finally let go and to realize that the bad is bad and it's not going to go away.
    But it really is for your own good and you will be saving yourself so much heartache.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    give yourself a bit more time to process where you've been before dating
    I agree, you need more time to get past this ending before you move onto someone new.

  9. #8
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    No heís defo not a catch ! Took a while though for me to figured that one out. Agreed no dating for me. Iím not ready in any shape or form and it wouldnít be fair to totter people.

    This is resentment Iím feeling and I know it will pass, itís just all a bit new and raw !!

    On a positive note I got the all clear from sexual diseases today.

    That made me feel sick
    Typing that

    Thanks for all your words

  10. #9
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    Iím not ready but he is, poor females who fall for it like me ! Makes me doubt myself so much what heís put me through and what Iíve let him put me through

  11. #10
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm sorry ..it'll get better day by day, I promise. Glad that you have your health sorted there. Onwards and forwards.

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