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Thread: The best and worst 4 months

  1. #1
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    The best and worst 4 months

    Hi,
    I didn't thought I would end up here or to be honest I don't really know where here is.
    The following has been playing with my heart and thoughts too long eventhough I am making progress I feel like I need to write it off somewhere..

    Last year I was on an internship in Prague for 6 months and felt pretty alone so as one does I downloaded Tinder.
    However all those dates that ended up in sex never satisfied me and besides the few seconds of pleasure.

    Now after a good couple of serious and just sex dates I was about to throw the towel in the ring after a couple of months being there on Tinder.
    Simply because I felt like I wasn't being myself by just forcing myself to socialize with strangers but more or less just simply ended up in getting wasted or dates with people who are the opposite of me.

    I was talking to this girl lets call her for the sake of this story the letter "M".
    I was 20 at the time and she was 26 at the time (our birthdays were days apart so we both became 21 and 27 close to eachother).

    I was talking to M quite some time on tinder and afterwards on instagram messages, and there was a very good click and I got curious in meeting her.
    However she randomly decided to delete her instagram and I thought this would be the last of hearing from her a few days past and I couldn't let it go at all...
    As a matter of fact I felt more connected through messaging with her than any other girl I have met or seen in my life.
    So since I am pretty handy on the internet I did some digging and after 20 minutes I found her FB profile (she was quite well hidden since she doesn't use her real names like I do.)

    Send her a message asking if I said something wrong to her but she was simply depressed and decided to remove most of her social medias (which I all have but rarely make use of only in the occassion for Tinder girls who would like to proceed the conversation there). She replied impressed and was eager to meet me and since we both were busy with work we missed a lot of dates and decided to call eachother through facebook messenger and within 0.5 seconds it felt like I knew her for ages.. and the feeling was mutual we had laughs about a lot of things and turned out we got a bunch of things in common which made me really happy since I don't find often people in my area that are interested in the things I am.

    So we decided to pick a date and she would come to my place we would talk and have some wine which is something I find normal since I am not really a social animal I tend to talk easier when I feel there are no more then 2 eyes on me.
    I was just finishing showering and there she was so I opened the door and I couldn't say much or anything really while she walked in I just tried to get my together but I still don't know what it is but that look on her face just hit me not just her beauty.
    After taking her coat and stuff we moved to the living room and I poured her a wine and started talking obviously the first few minutes we both weren't that talkactive but after a decent 5 to 10 minutes it felt again I knew her for ages and she was my best friend or something.

    Later that evening we both got wasted and she did indeed end up in my bed but I had no sex with her because I felt like I couldn't with her on the first meet.
    Just didn't want it to be like that.

    She woke up in the night and I woke up because of it and I thought okay well this is the moment she is gonna leave and probably never hear from her again but I went to the toilet gave her some clothing pieces that were lying around but instead of leaving she just took on some clothes and stayed...
    Next morning we talked about what happend and she even asked me if we had sex which means she was really gone that evening.

    I was afraid I was gonna get emotionally attached too soon (guess why I am here now lol...) so told myself not to do so.
    We kept wanting to see eachother pretty much as soon as possible everytime and it became more frequent we talked about more serious things and we rarely got drunk actually after that first night.
    We definetly had our fun going on and a one time during this I said without thinking the following: I love you.
    She got offended and said: You CANNOT just drop a bomb like that and expect me to continue...
    The thing is I didn't know what I said yet I knew damn well what I said and how I felt but I had to decide if I wanted to go back from it or own up to the feelings I developed for her.
    I told her I am serious about it and as afraid I was she wouldn't feel the same the feeling happend to be mutual according to her (That's why I assume she didn't like me just dropping it out of the blue).

    After getting more serious and serious and going out together and it just became better and better.
    Now in December my last Month in Prague we talked about her coming with me to my home (Netherlands) however she is a russian citizen and my country does NOT make it easy for non EU members to enter the country for a long term and working. We looked into a lot of stuff but the only two options were she would apply seperatley or we would need to have a registered partnership wich wouldn't work since I am a student that has no side job and no time for it at the moment to meet the minimum financial requirements.

    We decided we would find a way and enjoyed our last month of the year and our last month together.
    We went to see even more places and do more and honestly most girls want you to pay for you but with her I sometimes felt like I had to keep track on her spending on us.
    She has a full-time job and I was a student who got 150 EUR per month from the internship (yes I did get money from my goverment but that's another story).

    So yes the sex was on the best level ever, the love was great and we gave eachother the nicest gifts and we really really got to know eachother in many aspects when we pretty much lived together for the last two weeks.
    I loved her like no one else which I apparantly still do otherwise I was isntead of writing this just watching a series on netflix to kill the time.

    I went to my last day at work and she went to pick me up and we would spend the last week together and I remember how she couldn't let go off me when she saw me in a suit for the first time in a long time.
    She always seemed so genuine happy with me and for me and I definetly was for her and still are.

    So after new years we would figure stuff out however she pointed out multiple times she doesn't think the long distance is gonna work nor her getting into another EU country besides the one she works in already.
    I am applying for a new Uni this year so I would live on my own and thought it's a solid 8 months but 6 until summer which we can do together and then you could come in august(ish) and move in to my appartment.

    All good things must come to an end and I had to head back home at the 1st of Janaury...
    However it wasn't a sad goodbye for some reason it felt like a "see you soon!"
    Went back home where I live with a single mother and we called eachother pretty much everyday until it became a few times a week till weekends.
    It's logical we both have a life to live but felt we were drifting away from eachother she made her concerns clear again and again and eventually I felt I was holding her hostage in this effort so I clarrified things with her and we both saw it wasn't gonna work now like this.

    Skip two months further and she met a french guy she told me about him and that she was seeing him and that things were getting more seriously.
    Now here I had options too be jealous , pretend to be happy for her or actually be happy for her and I knew I wasn't really happy for her at that particular second that was the only lie probably I ever told her however I knew that I would be happy for her pretty soon after.

    READ BELOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ THE WHOLE THING

    So now I am stuck in my head.
    I love her so much that I am truly happy for her she met this guy that is doing good in life and is doing good to her.
    I wish her true happiness because I know she (and everyone else) deserves that.

    However I first felt pretty much every single emotion before happiness (within 3 days had the whole emotional rollecoaster pretty much completed)
    We still talked through the time often and after today I talked to her again always the same vibe like we are best friends but I cannot seem to kill that love feeling somehow.
    Deep down there I desire her, love her and want to talk to her , look at her, feel her and tell her how beautiful she is , discuss random topics like we used to or just watch something together.
    But then when I think of telling her even 1% of how I feel I don't do it because she has something nice to tell or we are just having a waay to nice conversation that I don't want to kill the mood.

    I tried ignoring her which doesn't work for me often I send her a quick message without even noticing it and I legit cannot remember I send her a text (without the use of alcohol or anything.)
    It first was eating me alive but now I feel it's becoming less worse and I am fighting it.

    The love I have all the way from her that I assume (never assume because you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me") she doesn't feel anymore is something that comforts me but hurts me at the same time.
    I plan on dating again when I move out of the house but I know it's not gonna solve the issue however she suggested it once thinking I wasn't happy because I am more or like an introvert I suppose or well not an extrovert at least.

    So my question is how in the world do I handle this?
    Do I tell her how I still feel and look like the biggest ever created while she is still with this French guy that seems to be living the life.
    Do I continue in an attempt to kill every single emotion I have so far for her (unsuccesfull so far..)
    Do I wait and wait and wait (still waiting...) and hope the feelings I have and had dissapear. TO CLARIFY: feelings have been going down it's however when I see a picture or read her name or simply open facebook those emotions rush back.
    Block her/ignore her: knowing that we still talk pretty often and I probably torture myself even more by doing so and destroy something that could be a beautiful friendship.

    My current scenario is waiting it out and just see what happends and trying not to give a single F**k while actually giving lots of them but just telling myself I am not doing it.
    My desperation to feel whole has reached rock bottom I suppose with this extreme long thread about a guy who is being too complicated and probably just has to learn to let go.

    NOTE:
    things I wanted to mention without making it into a type of harry potter story (lenght wise)
    I considered being obsessed with her or simply the memory of her.
    Considered not loving her at all but instead of above it would be an obsession I feel like but that wouldn't make sense with certain emotional things I felt and feel.
    So Honestly I hope someone here can cure me from this because one day everything is fine and great the other time I want to buy a fkn plane ticket to fkn Prague to see her.

    PLEASE HELP ME (if the rest wasn't clear I was desperate)

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I know you don't want to hear this, but if she felt any of the things you did, she wouldn't be so quick to move onto some french guy.

    What you had was more one sided than you knew, for her it was more, out of sight, out of mind.

    You still continue talking to her and it's not going to work. You are only making yourself suffer.

    Although I don't feel she feels the same for you, you could always leave her a message letting her know that you're still in love with her and are suffering due to her being with another man.
    Suggest to her that she get a hold of you if she feels the same or if she thinks you should be together, but also mention that unless either of those things happen, you feel it's best to no longer keep in contact as it's holding you back and causing you pain.

    At least you can close the door and let it go.

    There are 2 reasons why that's not totally good to do:

    1.) You will keep holding on

    2.) I don't believe she loves you like you love her.

    But at this point, I don't think you can totally shut the door once and for all like you should, so this is the only option I feel you have.

    You also need to actually move on though if you leave her this message and she does not respond or doesn't respond like you hoped she would.
    You also can't be sitting there day after day hoping and praying that she will contact you.

    You have to let it go now.

    She would have been just as desperate to see you again or to be with you again if she felt the things you are feeling.
    But she's moved on.
    That says a lot and says that her heart wasn't into it like yours was.

    For your own sake, you need to let this go.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I know you don't want to hear this, but if she felt any of the things you did, she wouldn't be so quick to move onto some french guy.

    What you had was more one sided than you knew, for her it was more, out of sight, out of mind.

    You still continue talking to her and it's not going to work. You are only making yourself suffer.

    Although I don't feel she feels the same for you, you could always leave her a message letting her know that you're still in love with her and are suffering due to her being with another man.
    Suggest to her that she get a hold of you if she feels the same or if she thinks you should be together, but also mention that unless either of those things happen, you feel it's best to no longer keep in contact as it's holding you back and causing you pain.

    At least you can close the door and let it go.

    There are 2 reasons why that's not totally good to do:

    1.) You will keep holding on

    2.) I don't believe she loves you like you love her.

    But at this point, I don't think you can totally shut the door once and for all like you should, so this is the only option I feel you have.

    You also need to actually move on though if you leave her this message and she does not respond or doesn't respond like you hoped she would.
    You also can't be sitting there day after day hoping and praying that she will contact you.

    You have to let it go

    She would have been just as desperate to see you again or to be with you again if she felt the things you are feeling.
    But she's moved on.
    That says a lot and says that her heart wasn't into it like yours was.

    For your own sake, you need to let this go.
    Great advice!

    Stop punishing yourself. Let this go!

    You never wait for anyone. You must block and delete!

  4. #4
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    You had a brief romance that couldn’t be sustained.
    Enjoy the memory but there was never a future.

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  6. #5
    Clearly she didn't feel anything the same way you did. It's concerning that she got so drunk on your first date to point that she couldn't remember anything. The only thing you can do now is move on and stop dwelling on it.

  7. #6
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    Thanks guys actually already felt 90% better by writing it all out...

    Guess I needed that more then anything.

    It feels like a total new day for me and punishing myself isn't helping me.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    You had a brief romance that couldn’t be sustained.
    Enjoy the memory but there was never a future.
    Thanks guess I just needed to be heard and not judged by those I know.
    I feel so much better like an entire load of feelings just fell off.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    Clearly she didn't feel anything the same way you did. It's concerning that she got so drunk on your first date to point that she couldn't remember anything. The only thing you can do now is move on and stop dwelling on it.
    As mentioned first like any tinder date our intentions were not to "date-date" however it was abrief romance that couldn't be sustained as billie said and honestly I feel so much more better writing the thoughts out which I suppose was what I needed more than anything...

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    You had a brief romance that couldn’t be sustained.
    Enjoy the memory but there was never a future.
    yep you're right ready to move on :)
    Never thought writing it all out would release me from all those emotions I had kept together all that time.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Lots of scammers and catfish on Tinder. When someone makes excuses and won't meet, it's best to assume they are not interested, already with someone, or simply not who they project themselves to be. If after a few exchanges there is no in person meeting, delete them. No matter how lonely you feel do not get caught up in purely cyber "relationships".

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