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Thread: He was not sure from the start

  1. #1

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    He was not sure from the start

    I always wanted a guy who would care for me and respect me. We were introduced by our mutual friend and we clicked in an instance. I am in my first year of MBA and he was almost done with his second year. It was something that I could not ask for any more and after a few days of dating, we decided to make it official. I remember it was 8th Dec, we made it official, kissed for the first time, we both drunk and I jokingly told him that he should respect me coz I am elder to him by 2 years. That's when things changed. He stopped all the efforts and became distant. After about 8 days he told me lets date casually till I am in college and then breakup coz I won't be able to marry for atleast 7-8 years now and I don't want you to wait, in the end someone would get hurt. I told him that it is also possible that the relationship ends long before that due to other factors and its stupid to think of the future and ruin the present. I gave him the choice to either breakup right then or be invested in the relationship like it should and then we would deal with whatever comes later. Asked him to think and reply, he agreed to continue in an instant. Again when his college ended, he asked to breakup coz long distance won't work out and marriage won't happen, again I told him he is overthinking and he agreed to live in the moment. Everytime we broke up, things were good post that for a few days but things would go back to him being distant and not putting efforts and when I would complain, he would give the excuse that he is a person who loves his solitude. I am pretty sure asking your guy to call/text you once the whole day is neither impossible nor too much. I somehow stretched the relation for 4 months and finally one fine day he again told me when i complained about him not calling that "i told you long distance won't work lets breakup" when I broke up finally, he said that he wanted an amicable breakup and hopes that there are no hard feelings. Maybe he was texting and calling less to make it seem like drifting apart. But I know he could have done better considering how he treated me before we went official. I am just angry on him for two reasons: 1) If age difference mattered so much to him, he should have checked that before making me accept him and 2) Even after he realized, he should have broken up when I gave him the choice. But I really want him to regret and want me back. Reasons he might not: 1) He is going to join a new job, new place, new people, almost no one to remind of me . And reasons he might regret: 1) He was always not sure of breaking up, everytime I thought he was overthinking and tried to convince him and he got convinced always 2) He would treat me good from time to time though only for short durations, the longer durations was distant 3) He did so many up but I always made him my priority and gave in my 100% to make this relationship work in every way possible.

    Please go through and give me reviews on whether you think he would want to come back or not.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You're not compatible. You have different goals and dating styles. Dating 16 weeks and "every time we broke up" is an indicator that you do not get along. He does not want to be nailed down to marriage talk after dating a few weeks. Or nailed down to a LDR. You sound desperate to make him your bf yet he wants out. Leave him alone and find someone you do not have to convince to be with you.
    Originally Posted by Soumi
    he asked to breakup coz long distance won't work out and marriage won't happen, again I told him he is overthinking and he agreed to live in the moment. Everytime we broke up,

  3. #3
    You are quite high maintenance and rather demanding. He saw this the moment you demanded he respect you because you were a little older. You put him off and made him feel pressured. I don't think you being 2 years older has bothered him at all. It's your demanding and complaining and over analyzing that he found too much. You blame him for the break down yet don't see any fault with yourself. You cant see how difficult you have been. You're very hard work.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    H told you from the start he wanted to break up and several times. He made excuses and maybe some of them were true. You started dating officially right of the bat and maybe he was up to that at the time, but then with time reality settled that this wasn't what he wanted and he tried to let you off easily but you kept insisting and "begging" to keep trying. His only mistake was not being more assertive and actually break up for good, instead of accepting your requests to keep going despite him not seeing a future with you. He told you "before you made him accept him", as you say, but you just kept insisting.

    You're not compatible and want different things and in the honeymoon stage like you should be at 4 months, people shouldn't be trying to break up several times and insisting and trying. It should flow naturally and without break ups.

    I hope you go no contact and move on so that you eventually can find someone who actually wants to be with you and you don't need to insist.

    PS: he was sure of breaking up, but he never quite did because you kept trying to convince him and insisting and he wasn't assertive enough to simply break up and let both of you move on.

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  6. #5
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    Yep same as everyone else. Way too much pressure from.your side. He didn't like it, wanted to bail out. Did bail out many times then you convinced him back many times. You should not convince people to be with you. On his party he should have stuck to his guns and left for good.

    Agree with Ray, you seem very demanding at a very early stage in a relationship. Just chill out in the next one and take time to enjoy each others company before putting out a list of demands.

  7. #6
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    All of this nonsense in a week. Good golly! This should have been a HUGE red flag for you.

    Why are you giving anyone a choice of a break up, aren't you capable of making that decision for yourself?

    You have no right to be angry, as he showed you he was a flake, over and over. It is on you, for continue to return to this foolishness.

    Expect more from people. And, when someone asks you to be "official" after two days, see this as a red flag.

    You want this guy back? Find someone who actually wants to be with you.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It doesn't seem like he's ready to be in a relationship at all. Unfortunately you got caught up in it a little too early and didn't read the signs. By the time you kissed in December that year it was already too late for you and you had other ideas about what the relationship meant.

    He shouldn't be dating and I think he realized that early on. For him to blame it on the distance is irresponsible, in my mind. For you to blame it all on him is also irresponsible of you. Wanting him to regret his decision will be like willing water from a rock. His nature is not to be in a relationship right now. That's his true disposition but you didn't see it in the beginning and you're still hoping for a different outcome.

    I hope you turn away from that idea and start focusing more on you, try to avoid wasting your energies.

  9. #8
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    The first sentence you wrote was really concerning because isn't it a given that a healthy relationship of any kind requires care and respect? I agree with the others that he is not into you and doesn't want a committed relationship with you and he's told you that and shown that many times. It doesn't really matter why except for your ego.

    Also I would listen to what someone says about future goals even if it's the first date -he told you from early on he didn't see marriage potential. You obviously are looking for the long term so it's all well and good to say "live in the moment" but it seems what you want -which is normal - is to live in the moment as far as enjoying life and enjoying the moment - as long as you have the same long term goals. You are looking for long term. He doesn't want that with you.


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