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Thread: Judge Me Please - I Need a Good Kick In the Butt :)

  1. #1
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    Judge Me Please - I Need a Good Kick In the Butt :)

    So I have this friend, I've posted about her before, we have not been friends that long but we've become super close - she is the girl who is dating a much older man, there was tons of drama at first, and they broke up, but they got back together and are VERY happy and in love now.

    So now to my issue and I myself feel I am being very judgmental but I DON'T want to be!!

    Some of you know my issues with weight in the past, and my obsessive quest to remain thin.

    I had an eating disorder many years ago, it goes back to my mom (not blaming her, but my issues are related to her obsessive need to be thin and to keep ME thin)!

    Anyway, I still struggle with it, although not as bad, but I still probably have a rather unhealthy attitude about weight if I'm honest.

    So, back to my friend.

    Within the past few weeks, she has gained a TON of weight. I would say around 25 pounds on a 5'3" frame. Which would not be so bad except she has not bought new clothes so her clothes are way too tight, she literally busts out of her blouses (buttons look like they're gonna pop), she has broken zippers, her belly spills out way over her pants and she literally looks like she's eight months pregnant! I kid you not.

    She is definitely not pregnant we just had a discussion about birth control and she has admitted she wants no more kids, she has one already.

    At first I was super worried cause gaining so much weight, especially in her tummy, I just didn't think was normal OR healthy.

    I addressed it very sensitively and she assured me when she gains weight, most of it goes to her tummy so she assured me she was fine.

    So that's all good, whew!

    But to the eating, extremely unhealthy foods and LOTS of it, literally all day long. I spent a day with her last week and I was shocked at how much she ate in one day -- ALL unhealthy, burritos, fast food, chips, cookies, pizza, Mexican, you name it!

    She is always telling me how fat she is (she uses that word) but it doesn't appear she wants to do anything about it, she says her bf loves her body as is (which is fabulous, truly!) but at the rate she's going, the way she eats and with most of her weight going to her tummy, I don't know how to make her understand how serious an issue it is, health wise! I also want to tell her how bad it looks appearance wise, but never would.

    As for her busting out of all her clothes, she got super pissed off at her employer cause they called her in last week and told her she needs to dress more professionally and wear outfits that fit the image of the company. She has worked there for years and this is the first time addressing it so my guess it it does have something to do with her weight gain and how she busts out of all her clothes.

    Guys, am I being too harsh and judgmental here? As background, I had a another friend who gained about 30 pounds a few years back but she still looked beautiful, wore tasteful clothes and ate healthy, just more than usual (her now-husband and she like to dine out a lot) which is why she gained.

    But this situation is different, I don't know I think I need a good kick in the butt to get me out of this overly-judgmental state, which I am OWNING, and I don't like feeling this way!!

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
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    I've always appreciated it when friends gave me honest feedback. It can sting at first, but I know it's coming from a good place. I think this could have been a good opportunity to share your own opinion:

    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    As for her busting out of all her clothes, she got super pissed off at her employer cause they called her in last week and told her she needs to dress more professionally and wear outfits that fit the image of the company. She has worked there for years and this is the first time addressing it so my guess it it does have something to do with her weight gain and how she busts out of all her clothes.
    It really depends on your friend, though, and the relationship that you have with her.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    I gained a bunch of weight a few months ago. It’s because I was depressed. Stress makes it easier to hold on to weight, plus there’s less motivation to work out or eat healthy.

    You’re being very judgmental and it makes me sad.

    What she eats is none of your business. What she looks like is none of your business. Her health is none of your business.

    And remember - New clothes are expensive.

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    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think you're overly concerned about something that you can't do anything about and that might not be received well if you bring it to her attention.

    It's ultimately her problem if she is bursting out of her clothes. Her husband says he loves her body as it is, so that's all you need to know.

    What she eats has nothing to do with you. We can't control what other people do.

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    So now to my issue and I myself feel I am being very judgmental but I DON'T want to be!

    Guys, am I being too harsh and judgmental here? As background, I had a another friend who gained about 30 pounds a few years back but she still looked beautiful, wore tasteful clothes and ate healthy, just more than usual (her now-husband and she like to dine out a lot) which is why she gained.

    But this situation is different, I don't know I think I need a good kick in the butt to get me out of this overly-judgmental state, which I am OWNING, and I don't like feeling this way!!
    Brutal honesty? YES. If anyone else had posted what you just posted, you would have been on their case for being "how can you be so judgmental!!. You people are SO judgmental!! If my friend was saying that about me ..... "etc etc. I am actually surprised what an about turn this is from your norm.

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    Thank for that J, yeah I have wanted share my thoughts many times, I've actually been practicing what to say lol, but gosh I just feel I will offend her, she KNOWS she's gained, she says her bf loves her body as is, so she just keeps eating.

    I mean what can I say really, it's her life, and her body. But when I see it happening, and her eating more and more and gaining more and more, it's just so hard.

    I was thinking of asking her if she wants to go shopping over the weekend, I would buy some clothes for myself and help her find some new ones for her, but she keeps telling me how broke she is, can't afford to buy anything new, just needs to pay bills and put food on the table for her and her son, which I can appreciate, so never asked.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-09-2019 at 07:05 PM.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I think due to your own preoccupation with weight, you are overly focused on hers.

    As a friend you felt you needed to say something and you did. But from here there is no where to go with this, so I don't know what else to tell you other then to let it go.

    It's her challenge to figure out and if it doesn't bother her, it shouldn't bother you.

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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs

    You’re being very judgmental and it makes me sad.

    What she eats is none of your business. What she looks like is none of your business. Her health is none of your business.
    Yes I have already owned all that, which is why I started this thread, because I feel it's wrong and I neither like nor want to feel that way.

    But appreciate you saying it, cause reading it does make me stop and think, thanks!!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Thank for that J, yeah I have wanted share my thoughts many times, I've actually been practicing what to say lol, but gosh I just feel I will offend her, she KNOWS she's gained, she says her bf loves her body as is, so she just keeps eating.

    I mean what can I say really, it's her life, and her body. But when I see it happening, and her eating more and more and gaining more and more, it's just so hard.

    I was thinking of asking her if she wants to go shopping over the weekend, I would buy some clothes myself and help her find some new ones for her, but she keeps telling me how broke she is, can't afford to buy anything new, just needs to pay bills and put food on the table for her and her son, which I can appreciate, so never asked.
    Again, her weight and her money management isn't your concern. She's an adult, correct?

    She gets to set her own standard about how she wants to look. If this is fine with her then who are you/we to say anything otherwise?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I think due to your own preoccupation with weight, you are overly focused on hers.

    As a friend you felt you needed to say something and you did. But from here there is no where to go with this, so I don't know what else to tell you other then to let it go.

    It's her challenge to figure out and if it doesn't bother her, it shouldn't bother you.
    Thanks reinvent, you're absolutely right. Probably has more to do with MY issues re weight than anything SHE is doing.

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