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Thread: General dating concerns

  1. #1
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    General dating concerns

    I dont know whats happening with the guys i talk online.

    I am aware that this is a numbers game and that they may talk to a string of women at once.

    Now i was talking to 4 men, at least i liked them from the photos.

    Guy 1: Freshly arrived to London where I live, said he came for a job. We had good convos via text no sexual innuendos, seemed interested in who i am and my life and me to his, exchanged numbers. Asked me to meet this Saturday and if I had plans. I said I dont have firm plans and he said neither does he. Single, no kids , 30 yrs old. We said we could go to a pub and that it sounds like a plan. That happened on a Tues. Thur I send him a message to ask how he is and how he is doing at his new job he said things have become busy over there. He was not forthcoming with conversation and needless to say we never met.

    Guy 2: Also freshly arrived to London. He is the same nationality as I am. We are talking for some weeks now and exchanged numbers. He said he enjoys our connection and he wants to meet asap. I said I feel the same and lets go best before i leave for holiday if possible. He said great. He told me he is looking for job in general and that he has found a job which may send him for 2-3 months to Coventry (2 hrs from London) and then he will come back. I said great. To be fair, since he is going away for a few months, i wont really bother but still i want to meet (if he does not bail). Early thirties, a bit older than me, single without kids. No sexual innuendos in text




    Guy 3: 37 years old with a kid. Single as he says. Kid lives with mum but sees him every weekend. He lives alone as he says Not married previously. Actually with this one we have agreed to meet today but for some reason I have an iffy feeling about it as he doesnt seem compared to others extremely forthcoming in conversation. However, he took time to plan the date, pick a time and place (a nice bar) and he told me he looks forward to it. No sexual innuendos in text

    Guy 4: Good conversation chemistry over text. He was forthcoming tho before we even meet spoke about the first date and subsequent ones. Called me without asking me first. He is single 18 months with a kid, previously engaged, also 37.
    He lives alone as he says. He called me without asking me after a text convo. We had a half an hr long convo talking about various things where he asked me to go out before i go holiday. The conversation flowed and he told me about one date he had, where the girl asked him to go back to her place. He said he didnt like that and we discussed casually about boundaries and stuff and I mentioned that even date 5 is a bit early to me as i need to get to know the person. We said bye etc and I sent him a msg on whats app because at times i did have bad reception whilst talking and i said sorry etc. and nice to have spoken to you over the phone. He said to you too and then i didnt hear from him again.

    What do you make out of these situations??

    I am quite confused if I am honest here

  2. #2
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    It's not dating until you meet and date in person (and first meets are just first meets). Meeting people for dates is hard work. It's even hard for non-dates -meaning making platonic friends is hard if you want someone who will make time to meet in real life -make the plan and keep the plan. For me the many years I did this was worth it because I wanted marriage and family. For me personally all that time and work and stress would not have been worth it if I just wanted to date.

    I would keep conversations on line to a minimum and as long as you feel comfortable meeting in person because you think you could have about a 45 minute conversation or so while walking or sitting and having a coffee and as long as he seems safe (didn't lie about his age/mention sex/sexual innunendoes to you, a stranger) - then suggest a first meet or accept a first meet in a public place that is convenient to you if at all possible. Talking on line is not dating. It's chatting to a stranger. A first meet is not a date -it's to see if there should be a first date. If someone suggests a first meet he is not asking you out and same in reverse- you are not asking him out on a date. You are suggesting you meet in person to see if you should perhaps go on a date in the future. Date in person, not online. Good luck! I met over 100 men in person through on line sites. I had a few safety issues over the years but mostly met good people and am still in touch with a few, over 10 years later (and when I did this I had access to e-mail but had no cell phone by the way).

  3. #3
    What exactly are you asking here?

  4. #4
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    First of all what do you think about these individual cases above and secondly why some guys behave weird

  5.  

  6. #5
    First of all they are people, not cases, and none of the guys above sound weird. You are the weird one. They sound pretty genuine. Judging by your multiple posts (which all concern men) i'd strongly encourage you to have a break from them. It seems that you crave male attention and cant function without it.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    First of all they are people, not cases, and none of the guys above sound weird. They sound pretty genuine.
    im not saying they are weird, just that some things seemed a bit off

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by Chrys31
    im not saying they are weird, just that some things seemed a bit off
    I don't see anything 'off' about them. I do see allot 'off' about you. You appear to have an addiction to dating sites.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    I don't see anything 'off' about them. I do see allot 'off' about you.
    ok.... in what way please?? Clearly you didnt read my cases as Guy 1 and Guy 4 seemed to bail for no reason seemingly.

    Guy 2 I am not sure it is worth it for the reason I mention in the text and Guy 3 I am meeting today, but I am not really sure as I say he didnt seem that forthcoming with convo compared to others.

    So what exactly is off about me???

  10. #9
    Originally Posted by Chrys31
    ok.... in what way please?? Clearly you didnt read my cases as Guy 1 and Guy 4 seemed to bail for no reason seemingly.

    Guy 2 I am not sure it is worth it for the reason I mention in the text and Guy 3 I am meeting today, but I am not really sure as I say he didnt seem that forthcoming with convo compared to others.

    So what exactly is off about me???
    Sounds like you're the one bailing on them. 2 just moved to London so have some very busy times ahead of them to settle into new lives. Doesn't seem like you took that into consideration. All of your posts have been about guys you've met on dating sites, hence why i said it seems like you have an addiction to them. It's my opinion, not trying to offend. It's what i see here.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    Sounds like you're the one bailing on them. 2 just moved to London so have some very busy times ahead of them to settle into new lives. Doesn't seem like you took that into consideration. All of your posts have been about guys you've met on dating sites, hence why i said it seems like you have an addiction to them. It's my opinion, not trying to offend. It's what i see here.
    Well ye i started doing online dating and these are the behaviours i am seeing so far. Never said i don't understand he just moved to London. What in saying is he told me that he found a job that requires him to be in Coventry for three months and he will leave soon the beginning of next month. So, in that case im still happy to meet, however honestly im not sure if its worth it for this reason.

    Guy 1 and 4 genuinely bailed on me. I guess i was just hoping for some advice here.

    I am aware that these guys probably are chatting up other women in line as i do chat with men.

    With all the men i mentioned, i would be happy to meet as i liked them all.

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