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Have I Ruined the Marriage?


Astrogirl

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I married a wonderful man who offered lots of emotional support. Recently, I suffered a trauma that has led to anxiety. I know I have taken it out on my closest but it has led to bickering with husband. A couple of days ago we argued over something silly resulting in my husband telling me he is sick of my attitude and told me to go away, using rude words. He has not spoken since and I am very worried I have ruined things. I answered I was going to see a solicitor, which I haven’t done. Before this argument he called screaming and shouting at me, though I remained calm. The curse words followed in a text. We currently live in different countries so I can’t really visit him easily. I know advice may be to contact him but we’re both stubborn and I do feel he has neglected me when I need him most. Not the first time and I’ve told him this before. Although I don’t want to lose him I do feel hurt he has left me when I need him to be there and I don’t know how to respond if he does contact me. He will start the conversation by shouting and claiming he is totally in the right. I feel lost as if I try to stand up for myself he’ll go MIA again, as he has before. He support is not like he used to be. Please help as I’ve not stopped crying. Thank you.

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It feels like you are still withholding information, like you don't want to admit some things. Have you had therapy following your accident? I'm guessing you did not. By what i can gather, your behavior became uncontrollable and too much for him to take, so my honest answer would be yes, the marriage is over.

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I have several questions to try to get a clearer picture of your marriage:

 

Why do you live in different countries and when was the last time you spent time together in person?

 

How often were you communicating prior to this fight? You said you were often weepy and snappy - was that because of the accident you suffered, or because he's been pulling away from you?

 

What do you mean when you say he has gone MIA before? When, why, and for how long?

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We are recently married so not yet applied for Visa.

We saw each other a few months ago but communicate via via every day for hours. For the most part we get along extremely well, and people have commented just how much we belong together, and we also say it too.

 

I feel the mood swings could be due to both: the accident with a lot of flashbacks, and my husband pulling away, although this may be the lesser reason.

 

He’s gone two or three days before due to his own bad moods and always phoned and apologised.

 

This was a while ago.

 

Apart from the odd blip, we not experienced really bad problems.

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Unfortunately not. I feel like I am getting better, but have the odd occasional blip. It wasn’t too bad I just got weepy and asked why he hadn’t said goodnight before he switched the camera off and he totally lost his cool and started screaming and swearing at me.

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Unfortunately not. I feel like I am getting better, but have the odd occasional blip. It wasn’t too bad I just got weepy and asked why he hadn’t said goodnight before he switched the camera off and he totally lost his cool and started screaming and swearing at me.

 

I feel like there is more to this and you are dulling down your side of things to not make you look as bad. I don't believe he screamed at you just for asking that question. There is allot you are not disclosing here for some reason and you appear to be painting him as a total villain. My guess is that you totally flipped out at him about not saying goodnight. You really should have sought therapy following your accident because it doesn't sound like you are getting better to me.

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You need therapy ASAP. If you dont get it then your marriage will definitely end. If it does end then continue therapy and do not think of dating again until you feel much better. The new relationships wouldnt last either. Essentially become healthy first before anything else, even your marriage.

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Ray i agree that she probably isn't giving the full facts but not because she's being dishonest but when you've experienced truama on levels that leads to flashbacks etc the mind is far from fully functioning. WHat may seem minor to her could and probably is major to him but it wouldn't register to her. OP you need to get help and get better.

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I definitely did not flip on him. My mind is too tired to shout. I don’t know what else to say but I’m definitely not saying he’s the villain. I’ve admitted my mood swings caused him to flip on me. He can have quite a bad verbal temper but I mostly always remain calm and mainly tear up when he does.

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What other facts are there to give? I had an accident that has caused my moods to be all over the place. I made a comment about him not saying goodnight and he phoned me up screaming and shouting at me. All I said was fine before the call ended. He then texts telling me to go away using the f word. It probably seems messy because it is. I just want him back but with his temper he will scream at me before it’s sorted. He’s definitely not a villain and neither am I.

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I have anxiety and PTSD I understand but our partner can’t be a therapy coach and absorb all our emotions and blips. These are our responsibility. I would look into talking with a professional. Our partners are support but should not be our only support that is too much to lay on anybody .

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I backtracked on your posts a little to try and get some understanding. What exactly was this accident you had? You talked about a guy who tailgated you and shouted some profanities that caused you allot of trauma. You also talk about another possessive guy in another post, one that would constantly call and text you. Did your husband know about that affair? Seems to be allot happening in your life. You seem to have allot of family issues, family that doesn't like your husband.

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